Julie Chen Discovers New Passion For Mini Putt-Putt - 
by B-Side
Sweet Sassy Molassy! Julie Chen was flubtastic tonight. Whether it was her voting play-by-play or her color commentary on a rousing game of miniature golf, the Chenbot was messing things up left and right. Luckily her misfortune is our entertainment, but in tonight's case, the casual Chen flub may have actually changed the course of Big Brother 5. As we here at TVgasm have already noted, Julie Chen clearly did not listen to this season's ponderous mantra, "Do Not Assume", which is why she blew her wad (if that's possible) on Marvin's successful putt. But clever eyes and well-worn Tivos discovered a twist that not even the producers had anticipated. Karen's ball actually dropped before Marvin's. Project DNA THAT, Julie Chen. Gotcha, Chenbot!
I guess we knew we'd be in for a night of scandal when Julie decided to wear a dress that was apparently inspired by the plastic binding on a six-pack of soda. I feared a wayward seagull might get caught in the straps and die. Of course no bird would ever fly close to Julie because her Darth Vader helmet hair was back in full force. I'd like Julie to introduce her fashions the way she does the weekly nominees: "What will be more awkward? Will it be my dress - the refuse from a Pepsi splurge earlier this afternoon - or my hair - the George Lucas inspired coif from Star Wars? We'll find out in moments. But first..."
The good news for Julie was that she got through the first half of the episode with nary a camel toe inducing slip-up. She was even able to banter with the houseguests and let out a carefree laugh. Granted, while the Chenbot's giggle sounded like she were literally saying "Ha ha ha", you can't deny the sheer pleasure she was taking in being sassy in her red cocktail dress . The live eviction brought a quick end to Julie's joyride though. The Chenbot's logarithms clearly had not calculated the inevitable 4-1 vote against Natalie, resulting in an awkward flubfest that was something along the lines of "With three votes for Natalie's eviction, Natalie will be... [Chenbot pauses, thinks of another word instead of eviction, helmet hair closes in around her, slurry speech mode commences] leaving tonight". There were a few more stutters and blips, and by the time the controversial Head of Household competition rolled around, I was convinced CBS would have to reboot Julie lest she devolve into that trance like sound of a CD skipping.
The biggest revelation of the night - for me at least - was discovering Julie's secret love of Mini Putt-Putt. When Cowboy sunk his ball right off the bat, Julie Chen blurted out an overly excited exclamation like "Instantly!" or "Wow!" (I'm too lazy to go back and check the quotes - my bad). I had never heard such unbridled and unscripted enthusiasm from the Chenbot, and we here at TVgasm have this exclusive shot of Julie's reaction.
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