Previously on Big Brother: Everyone came to Amber's defense because Jen had the nerve to, you know, play the game. What a bitch! You will be shocked to know that this made Amber cry. Man, I can't wait for Dick and Joe to get all morally protective of Amber and yell at the electric company, the cop who gave her a speeding ticket that one time, and the Wendy's Drive-thru guy who accidentally forgot to give her a spoon for her Frosty. ("Now I have to use a straw! And I have really sensitive jowls! Waaaaaaaaaaah!")
Joe became the first reality show contestant in history to recognize irony in its correct context, which sucks, because: jorts. Jen wore a totally rocking unitard everywhere, which made it really easy to edit the part where she decided to nominate Nick just because she saw him hanging out with Daniele. Seriously, is anyone buying that? Also, I got totally jealous because Flipit got to recap the most hilarious episode ever. Well, second most hilarious: April crying about Pepperoni was pretty amazing too. Okay, third most hilarious: Ivette crying. Anyway, on with the show!
Julie actually looks sort of...nice? I know, I'm confused, too. Given the fact that Julie's going to have some personality today, too, I'm starting to think that maybe this is the Chenbot's evil twin from another dimension. Keep your eye out for a Robot Stargate!
Julie's wearing a subtle black dress that looks pretty good on her, and the now constant giant necklace isn't even that bad. And I think her hair is smaller. She walks a bit awkwardly in the heels, but you try managing that while saying all of your lines correctly and executing complex binary equations with your calculator brain. Anyway, if anybody has Julie Chen's number, hook me up. What? I have a Weird Science fantasy just like every other male my age. Don't judge me!
It's Day 20 in the Big Brother house, and Joe is, predictably, freaking out about his nomination. Dustin tells us that when Joe was nominated, a "wave of ecstasy" flushed over him from head to toe. Dude, I think you've been listening to a little too much house music. Daniele gives Joe a hug as she tells us that while she doesn't really want her dad to go home, she's happy not to be nominated anymore. Joe tells us that because he's going against Dick, he's pretty much screwed. He has a mini-freakout in the bathroom over being nominated, which causes Dani to fake apologize for playing a role in getting him put up. Joe tells us that he's not going to be one of those "weepy sad rainclouds" that sits on the block and drags everybody else down. Stop taking subtle shots at Amber and making me like you before your eviction, please. Go back to screeching about Sexually Transmitted Diseases and wearing my grandpa's clothes around the house so I can take pleasure in this.
He tells Dani not to feel bad about taking herself off the block. They cut out the part (and this actually happened on the feeds) where he tells her that she doesn't want to end up being "the next Marcellas". Marcellas, incidentally, mentioned the "drink every time Amber cries" game I talked about on Reality Remix this week. If you're reading this (in your bathrobe, of course) than holler, Marcellas!
As Joe works Jessica for her vote, she tells us that she can't really have anyone in the house who will try to take her out eventually, so she's probably going to vote for Dick to stay. Wait, won't...everyone want you out of the house eventually? That's sort of how it works. So Joe unknowingly spoons with someone who is going to betray him. And who hasn't been there, right?
The next day, Eric goes to the Diary Room to get his next America's Player directive. Incidentally, he's wearing a shirt that I find hilarious.
Awesome, because if you can't point out the absurdity of using a national tragedy as an excuse to be an ignorant redneck idiot, what can you do, right? It's pretty much awesome. On a side note, I also like the Oregon Trail shirt that says "You Have Died of Dysentery", but mostly because it inadvertently functions as an insult to Kail.
Anyway, America has decreed that Joe must burn at the stake. Oh, America, you fickle bitch. First you want Eric to climb into bed with Joe, now you never want to see Joe again. America's next task for Eric: haze that one fat girl in the sorority pledge class so much that she finally quits. Can't have any fatties wearing the letters!
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Comments (17)
kail and jen are screwed.
1 of 17 | Posted by nurseratched
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Posted on July 20, 2007 11:10 AM
Julie looked suitably dressed for a robot-teacher meeting. She and hubby Les have got to be rearing a couple of grade school-aged circuit boards by now.
2 of 17 | Posted by Foxbase Alpha
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Posted on July 20, 2007 11:32 AM
Way to go, Schoonie. I loved the Goofus/Gallant screencap.
My favorite moment of the episode: Chenbot subtly calling Jen a "tard." Hilarious.
Also, love that Evil Dick is now known only as E.D., just like in the erectile dysfunction commercials! I wish he also came with a superfast side effects warning whenever anyone says his name ("medication for E.D. may cause vomiting, nausea, headaches, cramping, ulcers, etc.")
3 of 17 | Posted by MCH
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Posted on July 20, 2007 11:37 AM
OMG RANDOM! i just realized that picture of Jessica bore quite a resembelence to Kyndra from laguna beach 3 - I believe Kyndra herself also said her hair is full of secrets! she must have had a voice change! instead of sounding like a nasally whiny horse she sounds like...a different sounding nasally whiny horse!
4 of 17 | Posted by nurseratched
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Posted on July 20, 2007 11:41 AM
hilarious recap, schoon. you gotta love that kail was knocked out on the bible question. i stood up and cheered.
5 of 17 | Posted by Flipit
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Posted on July 20, 2007 11:59 AM
If you take the uni out of unitard, you have TARD. And you gotta admit, Jen is a tard.
6 of 17 | Posted by bitchristine
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Posted on July 20, 2007 12:40 PM
"Big Gay Alfalfa"...ROFLMFAO!!!...same with Goofus/Gallant.
I thought the Chenbot was smokin hot too!!
Bitchin recap Schoon!!
7 of 17 | Posted by Wondermutt
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Posted on July 20, 2007 1:36 PM
Okay, how come you did not mention when the tv froze up and you could see the ChenBot frozen, but hear her voice! Did that not happene for everyone else?? I almost died because the ChenBot was outted!! Dang! I thought for sure you would mention that one! Great recap though! LOOOOOVE THEM...even more than Joes' Jorts! :)
8 of 17 | Posted by *ThE*mIsT*
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Posted on July 20, 2007 2:33 PM
*** (sound of my comment cherry popping...)
Okay, at long last after snickering thru TVgasm for years, I HAVE to leave a comment! Although Nate (the middle man) isn't a main character, I was hoping for a FEW paragraphs on him alone!
Did you check out the size of his "Gay love handles"? (his EARS) I would love to see a screencap. Obviously we know how he was used as a middle man tug-of-war.
AND...Even though Jen in a unitard looks, um, "over ripe", I'm glad it wasn't won by Joe. I'm afraid his guy-normous nipples would look like serving platters from Hell's Kitchen.
I DO wish Nick would have been in the unitard; tight enough so we could see his suitcase key.
9 of 17 | Posted by blackup15
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Posted on July 20, 2007 3:08 PM
Great recap Schoonie!
I actually cheered when Dick won HOH as well. For some reason I was really rooting for him this past week and I didn't want him to be voted out.
I can't stand Kail. I'm sure Dick is going to nominate her and I'm glad!
Also I was confused why Nick kept acting like he wasn't sure who he was going to vote for. I knew he would vote however Daniele voted.
10 of 17 | Posted by dmbislove
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Posted on July 20, 2007 3:28 PM
Great recap -- I also liked the Goofus/Gallant reference (& strangely cheered when ED won)
11 of 17 | Posted by Lime23
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Posted on July 20, 2007 6:27 PM
Schoonie -- you can find all of Eric's t-shirts at www.bustedtees.com
Happy Birthday!
12 of 17 | Posted by sbm713
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Posted on July 20, 2007 6:35 PM
Nate, the guy who came between Joe/Dustin = young Todd Oldham, from Top Design, big ears and all!
Schoonie = happy birthday, I look forward to catching your Remix episode later this weekend.
Joe = kind of disappointed to see him go, from a strategic perspective, because he was unaligned and could have been a wild card in the house. Oh well, so much intrigue now that ED can exact revenge. Can't wait!
13 of 17 | Posted by slutty_whore
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Posted on July 21, 2007 8:35 AM
Ha! Thanks everybody; I'm actually not on Reality Remix myself, Marcellas was. He mentioned the 'Drink Everytime Amber Cries' game, so I thought I would mention it here.
14 of 17 | Posted by schoonie
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Posted on July 21, 2007 10:11 AM
Schoonie, I know you like Jen, and there IS something (scarily) amusing about her, but I so hope she doesn't win the veto on Tuesday.
The Mist, I saw the Chenbot freeze. it was awesome!
I am very disappointed in the directors of BB for not showing Kail's reaction when she realized "her boys" didn't vote with her. I sure would have loved to see that.
15 of 17 | Posted by geewits
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Posted on July 22, 2007 12:44 AM
Happy B-day ! Great re-cap Schoonie. I can't decide which I would rather be voted out Kail or Jen.. LMAO
16 of 17 | Posted by BB_whore
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Posted on July 22, 2007 9:45 AM
Happy B-day ! Great re-cap Schoonie. I can't decide which I would rather have voted out Kail or Jen.. LMAO
17 of 17 | Posted by BB_whore
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Posted on July 22, 2007 10:29 AM