Actually, for all my ranting and raving, I want to thank you, America, for selecting Michael because his phone call was hi-larious. I'm not talking a chuckle-worthy Marvin diary room comment. I'm saying it was so funny I had to put a hyphen in the middle of "hilarious". I think we all knew Michael would win the vote (see the father rule above), but I did enjoy hearing the other guests plead their cases. Adria said that a call from home would mean oh so much to her. It's been a rough time for her in the house. She hasn't had family contact in all of two days. Personally, I'd like the producers to play a cruel joke on her and say "Guess what, house guests? We're bringing Natalie into the house" and then send in Mindy Cohn. But that's just me.

Well, the next day, the Big Brother-supplied cell phone started ringing. It took the house guests a few moments to realize what was going on. They treated the phone as if it were some magical rock whose spirit seemed to be coming alive. Someone actually had to prompt Drew to answer it, and not a second too soon: with the T-Mobile chime repeatedly ringing, I half expected Catherine Zeta-Jones to burst through the double-sided mirrors and yell "Get more, goddammit!!!!"

Anyway, this cellular confusion begat a teary call home from Michael to his fiance, April. Now, I know that people sometimes sound weird on the phone or change their inflections, but Michael full on turned his voice into the equivalent of a "Toot toot!" on a tugboat cartoon (I will also accept "Choo choo!" as voiced by Charla and Mirna a few weeks ago on The Amazing Race). In an attempt to hold back his tears, Michael's voice reached new realms of falsetto, and when his kid Chason began crying on the phone, it probably was because he thought his dad had turned into a boiling tea kettle.

I did feel badly for Chason, but my empathy was soon replaced with laughter when Cowboy began talking to his fiance again. The two of them engaged in the kind of cornball dialogue that I'd come to expect only in cheesy Sergio Mendes songs from the 80s. Don't believe me? Let's compare:

Michael and April:

Michael: I'm gonna kiss you and I won't let go of you, I promise.

April: You promise?

Michael: I promise. I miss you so much.

Sergio Mendes:

I'm never gonna let you go
I'm gonna hold you in my arms forever...
...Oh, I swear this time
I'm never gonna let you go

Okay, well, maybe it's not a perfect match, but dammit if I can't get that song out of my head now. The good news about this entire treacly affair was that it was nowhere nearly as cloying as last year's sobfest with Robert and his daughter and their annoying butterfly blabbing.

Oh, but look at me spending all my time on America's Choice. There was actually quite a good amount of show tonight - nominations and veto competition. This meant the episode had to get right down to business by quickly recapping Marvin's controversial Head of Household victory. Random aside - I love how every episode of Big Brother seems to open with this intense Matrix music. I always expect Keanu Reeves and Carrie Ann Moss to come running into the room in bullet time, which would be especially funny because Cowboy would most likely wind up saying "Shewt!", but in slo-mo, it would be more like "Shhhhheewwwwwtt!" Okay, I don't know why I keep creating fantasy scenarios where pop culture figures enter the Big Brother house, but it would be cool, you have to admit.

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Posted in Big Brother by B-Side at 3:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (14)
Last Comment: Sheila on Sep 26, 2004 12:37 AM.