Pass the Bandeezie to the Left Hand Side: Marvin Takes Over

I don't know who the casting director was for Big Brother 5, but he or she deserves some sort of award. I have never been this caught up in the lives of Big Brother contestants this early on. With only four meager episodes in the can, I am completely hooked on this year's cast - so much so that I actually cared about the outcome of the usually inconsequential first week eviction. With sharp-tongued Mike up for eviction, the only player savvy enough to attack the Scott-jase alliance was in peril, and unfortunately for us, he was sent home unanimously, thus letting the spikey-haired ones reign unfettered another week.

The Scott-Jase alliance, nested firmly in the Four Horsemen alliance, (which in turn is nested firmly in the all male, all metrosexual alliance), has become a dominant force very early on, and as a result, will surely implode within a matter of days. As soon as a woman gets Head of Household, these alpha males will crumble in front of America, with only the strength of their bandanas keeping their last strands of dignity intact. Well, maybe not dignity, but latent gayness.

It seems that every time I write one of these posts, I have another fashion disaster to complain about. I'm not normally the type to fixate on sartorial missteps, but with Scott and Jase so cocky and self-assured, I can't help but take a certain schaedenfreude glee in watching these guys parade around the house looking completely idiotic to America. Tonight's new trend was the annoying unbuttoned look that all the males adopted, surely after resident fashionistas Jace and Scott approved. For nearly an hour, we endured Marvin, Drew and Scott threatening to expose some man-nip with their oh-so-trendy open shirts. Jace thankfully did not participate with the button shenanigans, but he did manage to suck by wearing a blazer with a beater (and a bandana, but that goes without saying). It's only been four episodes, but I already can't deal.

The good news was that Scott shunned the bandana for the live broadcast, but his attempts to emulate Jace with vertically prone yet trendily tussled hair were ill-advised all the same. I imagine Scott's hip coif suffered from a case of chronic graying, thinning and receding hair, thus making him look like a guy who just woke up from a nap on the street.

Still, despite his unfortunate choices in the world of fashion and general appearance, Scott managed to exert his dominance throughout the show, even after Mike got the boot. During the customary goodbye videos, Scott delicately commented "I hope you now realize that after all this time telling everybody I was the strongest player in the game, you're right. You're absolutely right. And that's why you had to go." Kick a man while he's down, why don't you? Oh, but I shouldn't mock Scott. He's right after all. He's the strongest player in the game... unless you figure in that he lost this week's Head of Household competition in the first round (even Holly beat him). Chances are Scott'll pipe up on Saturday and say he wanted to lose anyway, but that sort of runs contradictory to what he said on the hammock with Jase when he predicted that he'd win the next HOH competition. Oh well. I guess we can all get a little hazy on the details of our pompous statements.

It's too bad Mike didn't last longer in the house. He would have eaten Scott and Jase for dinner. Unfortunately for Mike, he could never rally anyone to his side due to his condescending way of talking to people. He had an attitude that connoted "I know how this works, and you don't" and when you're already older and therefore strange and alien to this cast, condescension is not really a skill set that's appreciated. It was therefore no surprise that Mike wound up engaging in uncomfortable chatter with Julie Chen.

Speaking of our favorite robotic mistress, not even the excitement of this season's first eviction could lower the stress levels of Julie C. The Head of Household competition had Julie barking at contestants to reset their color wheels, which served as lame substitutions for the always reliable red and black paddles that had determined so many previous HOHs. Later, when we learned that Adria and her twin sister Natalie were the famous twins switching in and out of the game, Julie Chen nearly had a heart attack as she prompted Adria to leave the diary room and rejoin her roommates. "Let's go!" Julie urged angrily. She really does hate it when people don't listen to her. Luckily she always has boy-toy Les Moonves to step up for her.

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Comments (2)

C-Boy:

You do a lot of Jase/Scott bashing and it's just not fair. Oh, I can't even lie about it. I LOVE IT!!! These guys are the GAYEST "straight" men ever! I thought they were hot for, like, one episode, but they are so stupid, they've lost all appeal. Scott is especially stoopid. He loves himself in the mirror more than any human should...it's unhealthy.

Keep up the good work and bash away. Hopefully, you won't have to talk about them much longer. If we're lucky, they will vote their tan-lined bubble butts out of there ASAP.

C-Boy:

You do a lot of Jase/Scott bashing and it's just not fair. Oh, I can't even lie about it. I LOVE IT!!! These guys are the GAYEST "straight" men ever! I thought they were hot for, like, one episode, but they are so stupid, they've lost all appeal. Scott is especially stoopid. He loves himself in the mirror more than any human should...it's unhealthy.

Keep up the good work and bash away. Hopefully, you won't have to talk about them much longer. If we're lucky, they will vote their tan-lined bubble butts out of there ASAP.

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