Sheila goes to James to talk votes and reminds him that Matt has done nothing to her. Ryan backdoored James and if it comes down to a tie James will have to break it. Sheila tells James that if Ryan stays he will be coming after him with his big sausage fingers and cantaloupe sized calves. James says that he is not sure who he would want to stay in the house if it comes down to a tie, and Sheila keeps pressing the issue until she begins to sound like a baby pterodactyl cawing.
In the Chenbot's conversation with the houseguests, she asks Natalie how she feels about James right now. Natalie says that James is a hypocrite, a liar and untrustworthy. In other words he is totally her type. Next Julie makes the mistake of asking Moose a question about his bible study and he bellows an incomprehensible answer before Julie cuts him off.
Next up we get an update on the Donato's. Evel Dick is riding high on his pseudo-fame, getting to meet all the big stars like Chuck Woolery and Nancy McKeon. He and Dani are close now, especially since he took her on a trip to Europe and bought her a new car with his winnings. Dani and Nick are no longer together since they quickly realized that there are a lot better people in the world and they're both generally unpleasant and distasteful.
I'M A STAAAAAAR!
Enough of that. Chenbot gives both of the nominees a chance to speak their case as to why they should stay. Ryan stands and says that he's pretty much out of new material for these speeches since he's been there so often. He also states that he would like to make right the things he has done wrong so far, such as being racist and getting that tattoo on his leg. He didn't realize that only gay guys got that.
Matt pulls a Paula Abdul and recites the same speech with only changing a few of the words and telling people they look beautiful tonight.
After the votes, Sheila's premonition comes true and we have a tie, which James must break. Chenbot informs James of these circumstances and without and pretense of deliberation, James stands and says "Matt."
Matt hangs his head and leaves with half-ass hugs all around, only a handshake for Matt before leaving the house. When Matty talks to the Chenbot she inquires about his true feelings for Natalie. Matt says that she is a great girl but he and Natalie are just going to be friends forever. The Chenbot then shows Matt the taped goodbye videos in which Natalie reminds Matt that they are soulmates and whether he knows it or not they will be together forever because if she can't have him no one will. With that Matt is out of the house and off the Jury House to spend his birthday furiously masturbating alone just like he did from ages 13-20 until he was able to ply women with liquor.
Yes! I will marry you!
The HOH competition this week consists of Trivia questions about things evicted houseguests have said in the diary room. During the competition Sheila is kicked out of the game for missing a question about something Allison said about her. Stupid bitch. There is much mishigos and drama before we finally come down to Chelsia going head to enormous, bulbous head with Moose. Moose rings in before Chenbot can ask the question and randomly says the only name that has not been given yet and wins by sheer luck. Sheer beady-eyed luck.
Before the show ends Chenbot tells us that we are in for a treat next week when Evel Dick will return to give the houseguests a wake-up call they will never forget. I for one can't wait. Or can I? Yes, yes I can.
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Comments (8)
Well at least with Moose winning HoH I will be able watch the next 3 episodes, just because I have no idea in hell as to what he is going to do. Seriously...can anyone read him?? I think it's because he just really has no thoughts whatsoever in his mind.
I love that the misogynist and the racist have an alliance. Sounds like the beginning of a sitcom Fox would produce.
1 of 8 | Posted by pixi-stix | Posted on March 20, 2008 10:09 AM
I forgot how much I hate the Donatos and their never ending desire for affirmation. ED the name dropper and Dani the vapid, self-absorbed whore. I guess now that Evil bought her a car and took her to Europe she can hug him without making a face like she's embracing a big steaming bag of dog shit.
Couldn't the producers have given Matty a skirt to wear while he was crying and being so melodramatic? I thought roofahs are tougher than that.
2 of 8 | Posted by dirty Sanchez | Posted on March 20, 2008 10:45 AM
It is so hard to feel sorry for Matty when he is wearing sweat pant capris.
I'm thrilled that Dick will be back!! I loved Dani and liked Dick.
FYI...for those interested, Nick is supposedly dating Jen. They belong together.
3 of 8 | Posted by DG_2 | Posted on March 20, 2008 12:03 PM
Ain't no supposedly to it, DG. The smoochy lovey-dovey pictures all over her fan site. I'd love to have heard the whiney resentment in Dani's voice when that went down.
You forgot the hilarious moment that Julie revealed that Alex was the "mystery houseguest". Natalie looked like her brain almost had an epiphany of just how stupid she had been but I think that kind of deep thinking hurt her head because she just got that little worry crinkle on her forehead, then smiled. I replayed it like eight times. Lord, thank you for inventing Tivo (and cubits).
4 of 8 | Posted by Scarlet | Posted on March 20, 2008 2:01 PM
As long as my sweetpea Ryan is safe --- that's all I care about. Oh, and I care about my boy Josh too.
You know I really can't say a bad thing about Moose. It'll be interesting to see if Sheila has any pull with him.
A friend of mine thinks Natalie will ask the houseguests to vote her out so she can go into sequester with Matty.
5 of 8 | Posted by weasel dearest | Posted on March 20, 2008 2:13 PM
I agree w/ your friend, weasel, and also Ryan, what is it about those cantalope calves that gets me every time!
Nat is quickly claiming my tiara as most desperate person evah!
Thanks for the recap!
6 of 8 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on March 20, 2008 2:49 PM
Well, I can see I wasn't the only one that just caught the "highlights" last night. Boring, boring show.
Dammit, dirty Sanchez, you said what I wanted to say, even down to the "roofahs" thing. This twerp Matty" thinks he talks a good game, but he's a L-O-S-A-H. Y'know, whoever thinks Natalie may just get herself out of the game to be alone with Matt probably has a good rumor, but I doubt that the two braincells carrening around in Nat's head can ever get together to formulate such an evil plot.
7 of 8 | Posted by talma63 | Posted on March 20, 2008 4:01 PM
And I meant to type "careening".
8 of 8 | Posted by talma63 | Posted on March 20, 2008 7:48 PM