Dan, Dan, He's Our Man, if He Can't Do It He'll Lie Until He Does

Previously on Big Brother, my heart was ripped from my chest, eaten by a jackal and then pooped out in a muddy alley in Cincinnati. I'll never love again.

Bb10Ep20N

"I don't wanna close my eyes. I don't wanna fall asleep, 'cause I'll miss you babe, and I don't wanna miss a thing......"

On this very special Tuesday live edition of Big Brother Julie says "Hidey HOH" in the kind of basic pant and blouse ensemble that Lucy Ricardo would wear on laundry day. Has anybody else noticed how much she's toned down her wardrobe this year? Back in my day we'd get three camel toes an episode and still get change back from the nickel. Tonight will be the Veto competition and ceremony, followed immediately by the eviction since the Veto winner will be the only person left to vote. This will bring us down to that all important final three, which is just a heartbeat away from the final two, which is basically the final one. We're almost there boys and girls.

Picture 1-79
There are bubbles all over the apartment building! My bad!

Dan's decision to put Memphis on the block this week was purely strategic, giving their alliance a chance to gain the trust of everyone and really piss them off when they screw them over in the future. It's fiendishly clever. Wait, no it's patently stupid. They had to have a strong belief that neither Jerry, the 74-year-old Grandfather from Pangea, or Keesha, the 24-year-old Hooters waitress from "different places" could win the Veto. Keesha especially since, whereas she is a pretty girl and probably serves up a mean plate of hot wings, isn't so good with the thinking or physicality. Keesha and Jerry also should have been on to this alliance since Memphis carried the nomination box for Dan since Dan's poor weak ankles would crack like walnuts from the excess weight.

Unfortunately both Jerry and Keesha believe that Dan and Memphis are at odds with each other. Jerry thinks that Dan is committed to Keesha and therefore descends upon Memphis for a last ditch effort to align himself with a winner. When Jerry comes to Memphis in the bedroom to ask for his vote, it's Memphis who is wearing the fedora and mail order pants and Jerry who is wearing the Izod muscle shirt in a bit of delicious irony. Memphis once again pledges his allegiance to the flab and Jerry blindly believes him once again. Isn't the definition of insanity making the same mistake over and over again and hoping for different results?

Picture 2-74
Like a fox!

Keesha fawns over Dan and showers him with thanks for saving her from the block. Keesha realizes that Dan has always been honest with her, or so she thinks, and doesn't care that he has screwed everyone else over in one way or another. While chatting with Dan, they spot Jerry canoodling with Memphis in the kitchen and Keesha sees that Jerry is working on an evil plan of his own. When Keesha mentions that she respects Dan for keeping his word we see a slight twinge of guilt cross over his eyes, before that twinge is replaced with dollar signs and images of Hilary Clinton in a bikini fanning him on a beach.

Mrsclinton
I'm all yours, Father Dan.

While Jerry chats with Memphis in the kitchen he makes a sad request. "All I ask is that I'm not being played for a fool," he says while trying to eat the plastic fruit. Unfortunately Jerry is about a season too late for that request. Memphis swears on his girlfriend and many mistresses' lives that he is an honest man. Jerry lays it on the line and recites his marriage proposal to Memphis saying, "you're my only hope, baby." A slight twinge of guilt passes through Memphis until those feelings are replaced with the image of a shopping spree on www.lids.com. Since nothing is funnier than mocking the elderly Dan and Memphis convene in the HOH room later to make fun of Jerry's desperation while watching him on the big screen. "He's so old, it's hilarious. His wife has Parkinsons! Stop, stop, I'm gonna pee."

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Comments (28)

switz:

I said it last night to my wife, and i'll say it agin here. I think Dan has overtaken Dr. Will for the title of "smartest BB player ever". Any thoughts?

Of course, if he doesn't win, thats another story.

Cherie:

Dan has a chance of winning this as long as he doesn't take Jerry. Les Moonves has been whacking it everytime he thinks of the headline..75 Year Old War Vet Wins BB 10! The next 2 comps will probably be about Korean hookers and the era before dirt was invented. You know how CBS gets when they want someone to win.
Great recap fozzie.
Love ya.

slickb:

switz,
i cant agree with you that dan has overtaken dr. will.
but thats mainly because i think HE thinks he is so smart and that makes him completely annoying and unlikable to me. (not to mention the yelling)

FuriousFlipper:

I always read comments about all the laughing out loud and whatnot, and I always think that I would like to laugh out loud, instead of giggling silently. Well, I got me my laugh out loud with this recap, and man, so fast - thanks.

It was the timing really - "I'm all yours, Father Dan."

Thanks.

Fayellis1:

As long as they don't have a montage of Dan talking trash about other houseguests, he might as well start thinking about how he is going to spend his winnings. I also can't wait to see them all s__t bricks when they find out that he also has an extra 20,000 to lie naked in. Memphis got a car and more than likely second place. The Summer's Eve alliance is quite impressive. Not since Danielle got all the way to the final 2 without ever being nominated have I been so impressed. I did not watch the Dr. Will season but I do know he is a BB legend. I did watch the all-star season and his charming manipulations were adorable. The fact that he used the same exact stragety and no one called him on it was hilarious. I would love another all star season with Dan, Brian, Memphis, Danielle, Janelle, Kaysar, Dr. Will, Keysha, Nikomas, and Evil Dick

Tadow:

heh heh, she said "stragety". Love you Faye!

neverenuftv:

The magic of Dr Will (as I recall) is that in his final speech to the jury he pretty much told everyone that they would be stupid to give him the money and they did. Plus I don't think Dr. Will tried very hard - he was just condescending so everyone took him to the end thinking they could easily win against him.

Dan on the otherhand spends way too much strategizing to be a master of Dr. Will's level. Plus that Ollie thing could easily have blown up in his face, that is if Ollie and Michelle weren't so stupid.

And Dr. Will didn't need to yell in the diary room. How come Dan always has his head at an angle where he is facing left while talking to the camera. Does he think that this is his best side?

Oh, yeah, awesome recap!

mistichristi:

Switz,
My husband and I were talking about that very same thing. Dan is good but not quite as good as Will because
1 Will didn't win a single comp to help him win and
2 Will would look people in the face tell them he was lying and they still did what he wanted.

Dan is close though, he is fun to watch it has been a long time since someone has truely tried to play the game. Go Dan!!

jennilicious:

ahh shades of Nomi Malone..I feel bad for the waitress from 'different places', I really think Memphis couldn't have hurt his game in the least by taking Keesh-it wouldn't have made a difference at all! Stupid fauxhawked freak. Go Father Dan.
Great recap Foz. And if that wasn't supposed to be a Showgirls reference then nevermind!!!

schoonie:

Only in a Fozzie recap will there be a Showgirls reference in the comments.

And what the fuck did I say in my last recap, Memphis? DON'T WIN ANY COMPETITIONS. Idiot.

Dan FTW!

juddfan:

Was that the same jackal that later birthed an evil spawn that will take over the world?

Just checking . . . .

Love your recaps always, Fozzie, I'm pissed that they took Jerry to top 3, that was a shitty move, even Jerry knew they F-d her, granted, all the freaking she did didn't help, she may have been able to reason with them, and point out why she deserves to go to top 3.

Dan doing the scream off in the kitchen was weird, I'm gonna have to check the gasm forums and see what they left out. I hope he did try and save her, but honestly, if they are fightin' that means Jerry goes top 2--NOOOOOOOO!!!! I think even Renny might change her vote if he screwed her girl, right!?

sniff, Renny, sniff . . .

mrsc:

Oh poor Keesha!(LMAO at the leaving lucky tooth screencap!) You will be missed. I really thought she would win the Veto since (yes schoonie, I remember and agree)the safest thing for Memphis was to not win since he promised everyone Final 2. And Dan of course was throwing it. And JerryJorts... yeah right...

I totally agree with everything you wrote for all the same reasons, mistichristi!
Dr. Will is still and probably always will be King. But it is nice to see someone with gameplay, so Dan Dan is my man!

Fayellis1:

Tadow:
heh heh, she said "stragety". Love you Faye!

Tadow
I think tvgasm is sans spell check just so people like me can get knocked down a peg or 2 (bless my bad spelling heart) Still can't spell the word though. I also can't spell "opprotunity" and
"Thrusday"

mentallyretired:

"It's been a great ride to experience the thrill of agony and all of the defeat."
- Jerry's eviction speech

baymenxpac:

great 'o brother, where art thou?' reference on the dapper dan.

and with this decision, memphis totally cost himself $500,000. it's not even a question. dan has this thing on lock.

serjen:

Dan is certainly no Dr. Will. The simple fact alone that Dr. Will never won a competition will always make him the best winner! Dan would have been out a couple times if he hadn't saved his behind by winning comps.

No one could be pissed at Will at the end of the day, b/c he was straightforward and upfront to everyone's face. Dan, on the other hand, is going to have a lot of those HGs hating on him when they see all his lies and deceit.

However, I do think he's a good player in general and should win this season. He's made the most moves and had the most luck of anyone else there.

suckitbitches:

No one can beat Dr. Will- he was brilliant in both seasons.

But I think Dan is doing some fantastic game-play.

I also think Eric, America's player, was brilliant despite the huge handicap he had. He was really underrated. I would like to see him in another AllStars season, but please, not Kaysar!

itchy:

So, assuming Dan wins the next HOH, he has the choice between two highly unloved opponents for the final two. He may have lied to everyone, but that all seemed to like him anyway.

I didn't like the Dr. Will character, a bit too smarmy for my tastes. I like Dan better, he comes off as being so....honest. Heh.

Both both have had a great time playing the game, and I think that's what makes them pretty great.

Keesha's big error was not wearing that amazing bustier she had on last week -- if she had showed that kind of cleavage, there's no way Memphis would have kicked her out. But that's why she didn't make it--she wasn't bright enough to use all her assets.

mrsc:

LOL itchy

OK, what do you guys think if JerryJorts wins- take Memphis? I can see that.

Memphis wins, then what? On the one hand he helped Dan a few times if he had wanted to get rid of him, that was the time. But not sure if he won't think it through and figure he'd have a better chance against JJ.

If Dan wins... think he'll stick to the renegades or will he be a vagabond?

Fayellis1:

I think the comparisons of Dan and Dr. Will is this.. Dr. Will did not need to win any competitions to get to the end. The game was still new and that was the season of America not voting for the evicted player, the players had that power. Everyone believed they could win against Will and it ended up biting them in the azz. Dan on the other hand started winning when it was in his best interest. As the years go on, people take this game more and more personal. If he had not won those competitions, no way he could have made it this far. He would have been voted out long ago because everyone there was so worried about sticking it to people they did not like, they, like Dan, could not see the big picture. Wait until the dust settles (Libra, April gone), see who in the house has absolutely no one gunning for them (Memphis) form a secret 2 person alliance, pick off your enemies one by one. Father Dan for Secretary of Awesomeness

trink621:

Dan is absolutely diabolical! LOVE HIM!

As for Dr. Will...he definitely wasn't just sitting back in season 2. Don't you remember all the lies he told about his life? He was playing the houseguests all the time. Even his "better vote me out" was a strategy. (most of what Will did could have backfired on him as well) So, I think Dan ranks right up there with Will. Sure, he was lucky, but most of what he has done thus far has been pure strategic planning. And it's paid off immensely.

About the island getaway...Michelle may have been aware of Dan's move to get her vote, but did you see her flirting with him??? I bet she votes for him.

GO DAN!

ReeseWitherspoon:

I liked Keesha and wanted her to win, but honestly its hard for me to feel bad for her because Renny predicted this weeks ago. She told her that Memphis would stab her in the back and look whats happened...Shoulda listened to Lorenza!!!

Anonymous:

I would think that either Memphis and Dan would take Jerry to final two if they win. He'd have to be your best bet when counting jury votes, right?

fozziebare:

Yes, that was a Showgirls reference. Great catch, Jennilicious! Also great eye with the O, Brother Baymenxpac. There's no getting anything by any of you.

I'm pulling for Dan to win because he's lied to all the right people and told people especially what they want to hear. Big Brother is like dating.

trink621:

Fozzie: Big Brother IS like dating. LOL

Dirty Sanchez:

I was on the floor laughing when Jerry busted out the "thrill of agony" line in his veto speech. Who knew that Jerry Jorts was into S&M?

Mr Dangerous:

It was difficult to watch the scenes after Memphis said, "Well, at least you didn't unpack." Keisha had one of those Jack Nicholson in Chinatown "she's my daughter she's my sister" realization moments on her face. I think they should have taken Keisha instead of Jerry but hey...

I'm definitely on the side of Dan being a better player than Dr. Will but it could be because I find Dan more likeable than Dr. Will.

Sorry to hear about your outrage over the moth murder. Next time I'm spraying ants, with RAID, I'll think of you.

Go Dan. Go Memphis. Go USC. Beat Ohio State.

midwesty:

I think Dan is the better player than Will because Will would lie to your face and tell you he was lying. So you knew you were getting played, but just too stupid to do anything about it. The beauty of a true PLAYA is that you don't know they are playing you until much much later, if you ever figure it out at all. Lol!!!! Dan has had that move on lock all summer! Hee...

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