TONIGHT! ON BIG BROTHER 8...!!
The Chenbot is in her biggest neckpiece yet for tonight's finale. It looks like someone shot bullets made out of New Mexico at her and they melted on her teflon chest.
Unstoppable. Can't kill this bot with tacky jewelry.
There's a crowd on the front porch, and they all wanna piece of the bot. She tries to innocently collect DNA samples from each audience member through the spikes under her wrists, but the turquoise disks are on big chains, and everyone in a five foot radius is ducking for their lives as New Mexican boulder jewelry comes swinging at them.
Ow! My head!
Cut to announcer guy quick, before there's tape of the wacky bot maiming someone. Previously, on Big Brother 8: fourteen people arrived at the Big Brother House. Most were strangers, but some had a dark, shady past. There was the spunky kid and her skanky deadbeat dad who left her to be raised by his mom, the horrible gay dude who gave the (seemingly) sweet gay dude gonorrhea, and the beautiful vixen who committed the biggest crime of all against one of her fellow contestants. She borrowed five dollars in junior high and didn't pay it back. Why she was on Big Brother and not in jail is beyond me. Damn prison overcrowding!
The vixen and the horrible gay dude with gono were the first to be sent packing. Him cuz everyone secretly believes that you can catch an STD off a toilet seat, and her cuz even though her crime seems small, we all know someone who hasn't paid us back five dollars, and we know they suck. They're the same people who let their dogs poop on your lawn and don't pick it up and the people who take thirty minutes deciding what they want off the Starbucks menu. As Jameka once wisely said, "Crap is crap." Amen and good riddance.
Of course at the time, Jameka was referring to the father and daughter pairing of Dick and Daniele Donato, who were the only remaining "enemies". On the other side of the house, Kail, the Leona Helmsley of Rainbow, Oregon, tried to get slick and form an alliance with three boys. But just like Mrs. Robinson before her, Kail was dumped for a younger, cuter girl and two of her Dustin Hoffmans were the next to get the boot, followed by Fail herself. The only one who stayed was Zach, a big oaf who stared off into space a lot and disgusted his roomies with mindless confessions of secretly wanting to own midgets and endless stories about him and his friends laughing as they watched upside down women getting publicly flogged. Zach didn't care about making friends or enemies. He was there to promote his own empire: a company with no website that sells beach wear for the classiest and most discriminating customers.
Get a Myspace page, a Cafe Press account, and a ho, and you've got yourself a small business!
Over the weeks, the Donatos got closer and closer and Daniele dropped the sweet kid facade and showed more and more of her fa(bro)ther's personality in her own, eventually evolving into a little Dicklet and cementing The Dicks Alliance. Since the only thing really bonding everyone else in the house together was the fact that none of them was a Dick, the rag tag group of Not Dicks titled themselves the Late Night Crew. Cuz they stayed up late. Unfortunately, they didn't know that the twitchy guy among them was working for America Ferrara, who ordered him to turn on the Alliance of the Late Night Not Dick Crew and get rid of their queen.
Back to what you do best.
The next of the Not Dicks to go were Vanna White's ridonkulously ditzy nanny and the crack head single mom who spent her time crying, eating, and talking shit about Jewish people, putting the Dicks firmly in control of the game. They turned on their alliance with America Ferrara's Player and his squeaky sorority girl showmance, leaving them in the final four with the oaf and the lady that openly sexually harassed God in her fervent prayer sessions. Dicklet, unstoppable, won her fifth veto of the season and sent Jameka to her fate of sobby Amber hugs at the Jury House. She was easy to get rid of, but the oaf put up a fight. He took down Dick in the first round of the final challenge, but eventually lost against him in the third round, leaving us where we are today. Welcome to the Battle of the Roots.
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Comments (30)
And...Blind.
I'm going to ride off that one all day. Thanks Flipit!
1 of 30 | Posted by jasminetheawesome | Posted on September 19, 2007 8:13 AM
So what's the story on Danielle's mother if Danielle was raised by Dick's mom? Perhaps Dick drove her too insanity.
Also, Danielle doesn't look anything like her brother. Do they have the same mother? Does anyone know?
2 of 30 | Posted by foxbasealpha | Posted on September 19, 2007 8:35 AM
You saw Orlando Bloom, I saw Sanjaya. Either way, it was a confusing moment.
Thanks Flip (and Schoonie) for making my first season of BB that much better. This and every other recap was hilarious and insightful. I'll be back next year for this train wreck because it is that awesome.
3 of 30 | Posted by RachWho? | Posted on September 19, 2007 8:35 AM
OMG do I have a twin?!
... LOL! I fell off my chair!
Flipit, you rock! Will you be recapping Survivor China?
4 of 30 | Posted by bluebee | Posted on September 19, 2007 8:41 AM
Am I the only one bothered by the fact that the brothers shirt sleeves are too short and also he looks like he is one bad day away from a shooting rampage on unsuspecting citizens
5 of 30 | Posted by Viva La Fish | Posted on September 19, 2007 9:16 AM
Did anyone else notice that when Jen cast her vote, that she said "honnnesstttllyyy" just like Daniele does everytime she answers a question? I think this is what the audience was laughing about when she cast her vote.
6 of 30 | Posted by ilovetvgasm | Posted on September 19, 2007 9:16 AM
Flipit, you totally missed the part at the end while the credits were a rollin. Julie asks the D's if they are going to go on TAR next. I would not be surprised to see the D's in the next tar, or maybe Dick and his creepy son. CBS loves Dick.
7 of 30 | Posted by jmportia | Posted on September 19, 2007 9:21 AM
OMG do I have a twin?!
I literally LOL'd
Flipit youre amazing!
8 of 30 | Posted by goosegg1001 | Posted on September 19, 2007 9:27 AM
Oh flipit great recap! However didn't you catch Chenbot at the very end asking the D's if they were not ready for TAR?!?!?! OMG NO!!!!! That show is way to good for them! Please say it ain't so!!!!! I am praying she was making a big dumb joke!
Feed watchers like me know tht Dani didn't speak to Dick for a full 24 hours after the jury questions. Then when they did speak they spend the final 48 hours trashing every HG in every way possible. There is no end to their trailer trash talking. Daniel was also mad that they would have to interviewed from here out together, LOL. She really wanted to be the star, LOL
9 of 30 | Posted by KutiePie | Posted on September 19, 2007 9:46 AM
OMG..... this recap was all on one page. The changes at the 'Gasm are utterly remarkable.
Thanks for the cudos to us in the forums for having the courage to watch this pack of hyennas day and night. Honestly, you don't know how haaaarrrrd it was! You are the master of snarky recaps and I can't wait for "Project Runway" reviews and of course, "Top Chef's" finale. Schoonie, we anxiously await next Thursday's Survivor: China recap. You are what makes it so fun to watch.
.... and guys, next year, maybe something new for Julie Chen.... the Chenbot jokes are so yesterday....
Love ya, chooch
10 of 30 | Posted by chooch850 | Posted on September 19, 2007 10:35 AM
Flipit -- Thanks for the recap! A perfect end to the BB season (your recap, that is -- not Dick winning). I also lost it at "OMG Do I have a twin?"
P.S. Are you & Schoonie going to the wrap party? Come on, you HAVE to. It's a tradition now. I want pictures, I want dirt.
P.P.S. And why was Daniele wearing Janelle's finale dress from last year? A bit weird? A bit SWF, maybe? Yes, you totally are the new Janelle, Danielle. To-tally.
11 of 30 | Posted by Lime23 | Posted on September 19, 2007 10:51 AM
"ilovetvgasm:
Did anyone else notice that when Jen cast her vote, that she said "honnnesstttllyyy" just like Daniele does everytime she answers a question? I think this is what the audience was laughing about when she cast her vote."
Yupp, I noticed that. I am pretty sure that is the reason why they were all laughing. I thought it was funny.
12 of 30 | Posted by all4theglory | Posted on September 19, 2007 10:56 AM
Flip... great job on the recap.. saved the best for last (and that's saying something.)
LOVED the sound effects of the rumbling herd of sheep.... baaaah!!!!
LOL.
America Ferrara sucks man. seriously? Dick? unreal.
PDS
13 of 30 | Posted by poor, dead shannon | Posted on September 19, 2007 11:29 AM
Dick's mom should join the Truth campaign and just show off her face and teeth for all their anti-smoking commercials. Too bad they used all the botox on Dick last night and didn't have any left over for her.
I think I hate the Chenbot now, because she loves the Dicks.
But I don't hate Flipit, because he makes me laugh no matter how mad I am about this dumb show! Thank you!
14 of 30 | Posted by Anna Rain | Posted on September 19, 2007 11:57 AM
I too thought that the young Vincent Dick looked like a serial killer. I was frightened of him.
I am very happy that i will not have to hear "Awwwwwk-WARD!!" ever again on my tv.
Was hoping that Dicklet's boyfriend would be there to greet her on her way out of the house, to at least throw some iced tea or peroxide on her. How weird was it that Nick was standing there with his arm around her?? I wanted closure to the boyfriend back home situation. I feel sorry for him but as other people said, he'll be better off without that hypocritical dicklet.
Amber did not disappoint, showcasing her maternity chic wear as she strutted down the walk when she was introduced, no doubt the first of many catwalks she prowls with her cover girl good looks!!
Great job recapping all season; as painful as it was, you made it funny.
15 of 30 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on September 19, 2007 12:45 PM
Lime23.... I said the SAME thing about Daniele's dress.... It sure did look like Janelle's dress from last year... Stanndard blonde Big Brother issue maybe...
16 of 30 | Posted by chooch850 | Posted on September 19, 2007 1:21 PM
Lime23.... I said the SAME thing about Daniele's dress.... It sure did look like Janelle's dress from last year... Standard blonde Big Brother issue maybe...
17 of 30 | Posted by chooch850 | Posted on September 19, 2007 1:22 PM
Hey, bluebee. If you're really wanting this to happen, then Schoonie should do some "American Idol" recaps.
18 of 30 | Posted by nerrawllehctim | Posted on September 19, 2007 1:31 PM
I am glad BB is over I am sick of seeing Dick and Dani. What Dick said about they were the best team to ever play BB was a joke. Saying even Will and Boogie could not get to the final 2 but both of them came into the BB house twice and one of them won each time. I seriously doubt Dick and Dani could come into the BB house again with that pathetic stradegy and one of them win it again. If the house had smart, intelligent players then neither one of them would have won this time. Dick threatening, harassment, and when he dumped that glass of tea on Jen's head should have got him kicked out long ago. Dani was just a whiney ass who kept saying I don't like what my dad is doing to you guys when we all in TV land saw her asking him to do it. The only thing I can say for this cast of BB is they did the right thing giving the prize to Dick over Dani. If it had went to Dani we all know she would not have been talking to Dick again. She used him plain and simple at least this way Dani can do what Dani does best whine to her daddy about giving her the money. Congrats Dick you got your relationship with your daughter back all it took was a little 500,000 dollars. Maybe you can just take that 500,000 dollars and buy a bunch of cigs and smoke yourself to death Tommy Lee wanna be.
19 of 30 | Posted by tinalouise33 | Posted on September 19, 2007 1:49 PM
Great Recap!
I highly suggest watching The Early Show - Web Edition
Look for "The Unstoppable Dick and Daniele" 11:27
It's brilliant - awkward and filled with resentment!
cbsnews.com/sections/earlyshow/main500202.shtml
20 of 30 | Posted by gruffydd | Posted on September 19, 2007 3:17 PM
foxbasealpha:
>>So what's the story on Danielle's mother if Danielle was raised by Dick's mom? Perhaps Dick drove her too insanity.
Also, Danielle doesn't look anything like her brother. Do they have the same mother? Does anyone know?
Somewhere, forums, BBAD, I heard that her mom is drop-dead gorgeous and gave the kids to Dick because she wanted a brand new start. And she has three kids now and a new husband and lives in Temecula or something
21 of 30 | Posted by gruffydd | Posted on September 19, 2007 3:25 PM
Thanks gruffydd for enlightening us all on Dicklet's deadbeat drop-dead gorgeous missing mom. Wonder what L.A. scene name-dropping Dick had to do back in the late '80s to sack her. Perhaps he bragged about knowing Richard Grieco and Spuds MacKenzie?
22 of 30 | Posted by foxbasealpha | Posted on September 19, 2007 4:04 PM
Janelle had that dress in red and black and brought them both in with her. I was wondering if Janelle gave the dress to BB to give to Dani. CBS loves Janie and the Dicks, so I really wouldn't be surprised.
On another note, thank gawd that is over. Thanks to Schoonie and Flipit for the hilarious recaps. You guys made this season a little less painful!
23 of 30 | Posted by isabell | Posted on September 19, 2007 4:40 PM
Oh flipit, I am going to miss these recaps so much. You were hilarious as usual but I have to disagree with one thing. Vincent looks like a cross between Jim Morrison and Richard Ramirez, and more than likely as he ages he will look like Dick and Mama Dick. That is one UGLY woman. Sorry Dicks, I'm just being honest, you know like the two of you. Thats the kind of ugly that when you close your eyes it's still there, like looking at the sun!
Anyway thanks for all your hard work flipie, I love you!
24 of 30 | Posted by CheriesTake | Posted on September 19, 2007 6:00 PM
Anyone see the latest? D&D are very upset because Eric made a few comments early that their relationship was incestuous. Dick claimed that he didn't even remember saying the sex acts he would do to Jen's dead body.
Dick claims everything in the house he said was true and they all know it so that makes it right.
Are the crazy?!?!
Go to CBS.com and watch the Housecalls show from yesterday.
25 of 30 | Posted by KutiePie | Posted on September 20, 2007 5:35 AM
A hilarious recap to end a hilarious season. I also died laughing when Jen said her "I didn't know who was immature" comment. Flipit, these were the best captions of the season. Great job! I'm already looking forward to next year!
26 of 30 | Posted by lickitysplit | Posted on September 20, 2007 8:09 AM
I also agree with DP Hooker #15... can we please find out what happened when Daniele got home to her boyfriend? He was nowhere in sight in the finale!!
27 of 30 | Posted by lickitysplit | Posted on September 20, 2007 11:49 AM
Please! please! please! post a compilation of Dicklett's speaches that start with "hhooonneesstlyyyyy......"
Jen was awesome in calling her out on that!
28 of 30 | Posted by josslc | Posted on September 21, 2007 11:50 PM
Big thank you to schoonie & flipit for doing such an awesome job. Was worried when all the changes occured with the site, but you both lived up to those before you.
Looking forward to next year. And watching Eric in the next all stars edition.
Please, Dear God, don't let the Donatos go on TAR. It was hellish enough watching Rob & Amber!
29 of 30 | Posted by cajah | Posted on September 22, 2007 8:55 PM
If CBS is going to have 2 people from BB 8 go on TAR I'd rather see Daniele and Nick than Daniele and Dick. Even though watching Eric's eyebrows and Jessica self desctruct would be a lot of fun too.
30 of 30 | Posted by SnackyCakes420 | Posted on September 23, 2007 12:32 AM