Q: What does Julie Chen say when she walks in a room backwards?
A: Butt first!
I swear I hear the ocean.
This week, with Alex and Amanda in control as co-HOHs we can expect nothing but style and class and short shorts from both. Chelsia admits that she was at first elated that her new BFF Amanda was in control, but quickly realized that Amanda is prettier than her so now she hates her. Sheila admits that she and Moose are obvious targets simply because of their actions early on, such as bickering, snoring and Sheila constantly trying to rub Vaseline on all the camera lenses in the house. Parker is shocked that he and his partner Jen can go from being a power couple, like Gary Coleman and his new bride, to D-list losers, like George and Laura Bush, in the blink of an eye.
We give it 2 months.
After the HOH competition everyone is allowed back in the house to see that the memory wall has been erected. Girlish screams fill the house, mostly from Alex, as they all rush to look at their pictures. Amanda admits that her face looks fat in her pictures, but luckily so does her ass so it all balances out. Matt is sure that his picture is the best-looking one there because nothing makes a great headshot like an entire bottle of L.A. Looks and Crest White Strips.
Matt couldn't be at the Doucheys tonight, so I will accept this award in his honor.
Jen makes everyone take note that her picture is the first one on the wall because CBS knows she is going to win. What she doesn't realize is that her last name is Aababea and they were going alphabetically. James confesses that he doesn't like Jen no matter how much she looks like Heidi Klum, because she's too cocky. Parker is frustrated because his partner acted too confident in front of everyone, putting a huge target on their team. Parker says that she can open her mouth and put her entire foot in up to her thigh, but that's just from years of working on the contortionist sword-swallower circuit. James pulls Parker aside and tells him to encourage Jen to realize her place as a woman and keep her mouth closed until she is spoken to or someone gives her a sword.
Jen comes in the bedroom with Parker and James and Parker takes James' cock out of his mouth long enough to tell Jen to think before she speaks and to chill out. Jen apologizes and says she will never do it again, but also mentions that Parker should go on the sword-swallowing circuit with her. He'd make mad money 'cause of his mad skills, yo. Parker starts to exit, followed by his butt-boy James, and Jen asks him if he's mad at her. Parker pouts like Posh Spice and insists that he's fine. Frustrated, insecure, neurotic and exhausted.
Is my Sideshow Mel hair still there? I can't see it.
Allison is in the bathroom performing her daily magic trick, transforming from Screech into Jessie Spano with the help of make-up, when Joshuah waddles in bitching about Jen's comment as well. They both feel Jen is a bitch for having an ounce of confidence and not crying to her therapist once a week about how insecure she is like a normal person. Allison says, "can you believe her?" and Joshuah turns to look at Allison and screams, "Demon!" before racing out of the house.
"What in the gay hell?!"
Allison later corners Parker and commiserates about their mutual position of being teamed with people who are dating each other. They both say they don't see the point of coming on national television if you can't even bang your partner. Jen and Ryan enter the room and Allison takes control of the conversation telling Jen that if she disrespects her in any way, Allison will out Ryan and Jen's secret to the entire house. She goes on to say, "This isn't my first time at the rodeo, fellas!!" before beating Jen with a hanger.
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Comments (13)
Freakin' hilarious recap! Actually your recaps are the only interesting thing about this season.
Note: His hair is definately more like Sideshow Bob's though. Mel has the Bufont with a bone.
1 of 13 | Posted by IMissColleen | Posted on February 18, 2008 7:02 AM
I love your recaps =)
Allison is completely insane. She threw a hissy fit because, ohmygod, she won't be getting any on the show! Instead of realizing what a great thing they have by automatically having another couple to go the end with, she just tortures the hell out of everyone. Honestly I don't blame Parker and Jenn telling everyone. Allison probably would have by next week.
And I so feel bad for Ryan, who you can tell was obviously dragged on the show by Jenn, mainly because he's the only normal one there.
I can't stand Sheila anymore, but I still think she should have punched Matt for the "yo Adam, check your woman" comment.
I don't even know if I can get through this season lol. More so if Ryan is gone next week.
2 of 13 | Posted by pixi-stix | Posted on February 18, 2008 7:12 AM
you are right pixi stix, Ryan is the only normal one on the show this season, and I am sad that he will be leaving soon, but at least happy, he gets to retain his dignity, before the stupid BB editors make him look bad. Allison is such a psycho, I have never seen a more stupid person ever, doesn't she see the benefit in having a guareented alliance to at least the final four, how this was an advantage, I think parker should have explained it more to her, cause she is so blinded by Jealousy, stupid lunatic. Like you came to win 500,000 dollars, all of a sudden they add a new twist and this douchebags can't see past it. She is so ugly to me because of her behaviour, yuck!! You know what other than Ryan, Jen, Parker, the girl with the Bob, and the Bikini barrista chic everyone else is sooooooooo annoying.
Ps. Did you guys see the big fight between Amanda and one of the gay guys on Youtube, it was a huge fight, how come it wasn't shown, since it seemed the people that were evicted were still in the house at the time, with Amanda saying her partner tried to rape her at night.
3 of 13 | Posted by nflow | Posted on February 18, 2008 9:10 AM
nflow-I think it wasn't shown because it looks like it just happened either last night or the night before. And the segment last night is all pre-taped.
I just went and watched it and have to say I am now truly disgusted. The comments about her father did surpass all the "bad" stuff Dick said last year. What is wrong with these people???? The best is Chelsia trying to justify it. I'm so done with this season.
4 of 13 | Posted by pixi-stix | Posted on February 18, 2008 9:47 AM
I'm dissapointed that you didn't mention Alison & Shelia deciding to act like lesbians. The best part was Josh's reaction to it. I loved it.
Personally, I can't stand Ryan. If he isn't acting jealous and possesive, he is letting Jen drag him around by the balls.
I do not have a favorite this season, but I love this cast. They are all a bunch of idiots. Matt may be the closest to a favorite that I have, b/c he makes me laugh with his arrogance. And, really, isn't entertained what I want to be?
Great recap as always.
5 of 13 | Posted by DG_1 | Posted on February 18, 2008 12:37 PM
I can't believe Allison didn't see how it was in her benefit to have a built-in alliance. Yeah, it may get shady at the end and eventually lead to backstabbing, but until then you can get rid of other people and give yourself that chance. And I think Parker and Jen should have tried harder to reason with Allison instead of telling everyone. Didn't they think that would guarantee they'd all go on the block?
Even though they'd all ready been evicted, I still think it's weird how no one mentioned the fact Jacob and Sharon knew each other during the "swearing on a bible" meeting. Do none of the girls remember Sharon telling them that when he walked in the door?
6 of 13 | Posted by SnackyCakes420 | Posted on February 18, 2008 3:18 PM
Hey everybody!
Thanks for the comments.
Colleen: You're totally right about the hair, although Parker has been doing some weird stuff with his hair lately, so I wouldn't be surprised to see a big femur in it soon.
Pixi: I totall agree about Ryan. He seems like the big sore thumb of this season that doesn't fit in with the crazy.
Nflow: That fight was redonkulous! Amanda was really standing on the business end of a hissy fit that came out of nowhere. Too bad Neil wasn't there to see his BF acting like a tragic queen.
Pixi again: I haven't seen the part where anyone says things about Amanda's dad and I've really been looking. But I did see the gay porn pics of James. WOW.
DG: I actually did mention the lesbian plot and Joshuah's reaction to it. It was one of the creepiest highlights of the episode.
and Snacky: Allison is truly insane. She screwed herself with her neuroses. She could have easily played along and slow drove a rift between Ryan and Jen with subtle comments and strategically placed underpants.
7 of 13 | Posted by fozziebare13 | Posted on February 18, 2008 4:08 PM
I skipped an entire page! I had also wondered why you didn't comment on Alex & Matt's shower scene! I should have known...
8 of 13 | Posted by DawsonGirl | Posted on February 18, 2008 5:12 PM
What a scary lesbian couple they would make....I just shuddered and hoped for no nightmares...
I've actually seen the part of the fight where they say to get a noose, and Josh ends it with "Like her Dad"....I couldn't believe I was watching such awful behaviour, even from Big Brother contestants....How do you continue to live locked in the same house as a person that would say that....
At least we know Ryan is circumcised....
9 of 13 | Posted by russlav | Posted on February 18, 2008 10:15 PM
WOW! I'm flummoxed that Josh would say that.
****LIVE FEED INFO*****
****DO NOT READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW****
I read in the live feed updates that other day that Jen was demanding to call her family to let them know that she was OK. They wouldn't let her but they did offer to call for her and relay a message. I wonder if this is because of Josh's irrational behavior and angry outbursts. He's a loose, gay cannon and frankly a little scary. He'll scratch your eyes right out.
Speaking of loose cannons, now all I can think about is Ryan's penis. Thanks, Russ. No I mean that. Thanks.
10 of 13 | Posted by Fozziebare13 | Posted on February 19, 2008 7:26 AM
russ-yeah I don't think I could live there either. More so since everyone seemed to side with Chelsia and Josh on the comments by not saying anything to them. As much as I don't like someone there are some places you just don't go in a fight, and that was it. Even if I was arguing with Amanda, I'd turn on Chelsia for that one.
Fozzie-I'm going to give this show one more chance to see if CBS airs the fight, and what was said. If not, they are just once again hiding the reality of the house from those that don't look at youtube, read feed updates, or subscribe. My mother doesn't do any of those things, and she freaks when I call her and fill her in on these people.
They really got the crazies this season....
11 of 13 | Posted by pixi-stix | Posted on February 19, 2008 7:38 AM
it should be interesting to see what happens tonight at least...they will have to address a few of the things that have happened in the house that haven't been addressed yet, and by the eviction tomorrow, we'll be almost caught up....just depends on how badly CBS tries to cover it all up...
sorry for making you think about Ryan's penis Fozz...really, really sorry
12 of 13 | Posted by russlav | Posted on February 19, 2008 1:17 PM
Fozzie, OMG!!!! I'm slowing digesting these, as I ain't watchin' it, but this was beyond classic snark!!!!! Bless you and see you in hell one day!!!!
And hey, since I'm not tuning in to any of this madness, (might have to you tube) how 'bout more screen caps of the Ryan, I'm feeling a forboding about the next epi . . . .
13 of 13 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on February 26, 2008 11:28 AM