Previously on Big Brother, Chelsia entered the Big Brother house 28 days ago.
And 28 Days Later......
The Chenbot reminds us that after 28 days tempers in the house are at an all-time high. Joshuah is still angry with Allison for pretending to be a lesbian without even cutting her hair into a mullet. Joshuah is also hot-tempered because he is going through withdrawals having snorted all of the coke that he smuggled into the house in his bum. Allison is ready for either herself or Sheila to go home since it is time for them to go their separate ways having realized that being a faux lesbian is nothing like The L Word.
More like Golden Girls
The house guests are all on edge since none of them know what the mystery siren signifies or when it will go off. Sheila has decided to sleep in her sweat pants instead of the flannel bathrobe and crocheted shawl she usually wears. James, Moose, and Matt all decide that whatever is going to happen won't be pleasant since nothing that sounds like that ever is. On queue Sheila speaks saying "this is getting ugly."
Natalie and Josh, one of them wearing nothing but too-tight black underwear (I'll let you figure out which one), think that the siren will be going off later that night. Natalie is visibly shaken that something may occur to wreck the deep spiritual bond she has formed with her little snuggly-wuggly, nutter-butter, peanut butter, Matty-Poo.
"Last night Matty said 'stay away from me you stupid whore' but that's just his way of saying 'I love you.'"
Later Allison asks Ryan if he really, really, really, infinity trusts Matt and Ryan says that he absolutely does infinity plus 1. Ryan finds Matt to confirm that Matt is on his side, and Matt is slightly offended that Ryan doesn't trust him. Matt told him that he was voting for him to stay and he meant what he said and he said what he meant, a Bostonian is faithful 100 percent.
Cut to Matt telling Moose the same thing.
Cut to Matt telling Allison the same thing.
Cut to Matt telling Sheila the same thing.
Um.....I will.
Allison believes Matt so she approaches James and Chelsia who are comparing piercing and random infections while lying in the hammock. Allison tells them that she really wants their votes and thinks they're both so very pretty. James tells Allison that even if he and Chelsia do decide to vote for Ryan and her to stay that Matt and Natalie are voting for Sheila and Moose so the decision would go to the HOHs who despise Allison with the flaming passion of a thousand gay, coked-up suns. Allison tells the two that she truly feels Matt is on her side because he has been nothing but honest with her so far, such as saying that he thinks she looks better without make-up and that the lesbian lie was a really good idea.
James later finds Sheila absorbing moisture through her skin in the terrarium. Sheila tells James the facts: Matt is voting for Moose and her to stay and if James and Chelsia vote against them then the HOH would have to break the tie and James would come off looking like a fool, a fool! James suddenly realizes that Matt has been playing both sides.
James approaches Matt while he is playing pool with Ryan and Moose. James tells Matt that he doesn't care how Matt is playing, but he does care how it reflects back on he and Chelsia. Matt stumbles for words and tries to play it off when James asks both Ryan and Moose if Matt has told them that he is on their side. Matt says that playing both sides is what Big Brother is all about. Matt also tells James that both Ryan and Moose know that he's voting for them so they're fine.
Matt can't vote for two people at the same time. Unless he's some kind of wizard. That would be awesome. Just like Dumbledore. Wait, what were we talking about?
With all of the house guests live in the living room The Chenbot 9.0 asks James what he thinks the siren may signify? James spouts conjecture that it may signal the teams splitting up, alien invasion, curses or a possible nuclear meltdown. Matt is asked the same question and he assumes that there is an identical Big Brother house next door and once both houses are down to the final four the two houses will meet and compete against each other. CBS executives frantically grab notepads to begin planning Big Brother 10: Sliding Doors.
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Comments (17)
Fozzie - I can't even tell you how many times I laughed aloud at this one!
While watching the show last night, I got the distinct feeling that they are making up the "twists" of this season as they go along. What crazy, expect-the-unexpected crap will we see next?
Sadly, as weird and offensive as Moose is, I find myself rooting for him to win.
1 of 17 | Posted by sbm713 | Posted on March 6, 2008 2:42 AM
Great Recap, I couldn't believe that Allison is still lying. She told the chenbot that the lesbian idea was not hers, nor was the decision to end the lie. Huh? I distinctly remember her telling Shelia that they needed to tell everyone the truth and Shelia telling her it was not a good idea, that people would not trust them. Allison lives in her own little world. Did she really think she was going to stay in the house was it was between her and Ryan, she was so mad when she was voted out, I can't believe she didn't see it coming. And then with James calling Matt out about playing both sides, Hello, didn't James tell Matt that he would not go up on the block and then went back on his word? It's Big Brother people!!
2 of 17 | Posted by featherhead | Posted on March 6, 2008 4:36 AM
Do you know how hard it is to read this at work and not spit coffee all over the screen while still making it look like I'm working diligently on my spreadsheets?
Seriously, the picture captions alone are gut-bustingly dead on. "Last night Matty said 'stay away from me you stupid whore' but that's just his way of saying 'I love you.'" He he he.
Me, I think I'm gonna vote for either whiny or douchey to come back. I don't think I could handle more of crazy.
3 of 17 | Posted by ChicagoGal | Posted on March 6, 2008 6:04 AM
My reaction on learning they were splitting the couples was about as enthusiasic as I get when the groundhog sees his shadow and I'm told I have 7 more weeks of winter. I thought I could stomach this show for a couple more weeks, but now? I don't know.
America's reaction upon learning they get to vote an evicted HG back into the house: "Do we have to???"
Since I have yet to meet anyone who cares who wins this thing, who the hell should go back in? I'm thinking Jacob because he was a complete idiot and it would be funny to drive Sharon crazy, but in the end I think I would have to vote to put Allison back just to piss Josh off. Of course, putting Jen back in to see her competing against Ryan some more might be fun. Oh, so many despicable people, so many options!
4 of 17 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on March 6, 2008 7:53 AM
"James later finds Sheila absorbing moisture through her skin in the terrarium"
That actually made me cry I was laughing so hard! Much like an infection, these people are starting to grow on me if for no other reason than all the great material they provide you guys!
Love ya Fozzie! Oh I mean Mr. Fozzie Bare.
5 of 17 | Posted by CheriesTake | Posted on March 6, 2008 7:58 AM
I'm so happy Ryan is HoH. He is still, to me, the only semi-normal person in there. And I have a feeling Josh will either be put up right away or get backdoored. No pun intended ;)
I voted for Amanda to come back in. I understand people voting for Allison for the reason of pissing Josh off, but I can't take anymore of her on the show.
The look on Josh's face when Chen announced the twist was a mix of "I'm fucked" and "is crazy still going to be here". Had me dying.
6 of 17 | Posted by pixi-stix | Posted on March 6, 2008 8:43 AM
All these people suck, I don't have anyone to root for. I would root for Ryan, but I'm black and he's a racist so I don't think he would like that very much.
Natalie is a big ole whore, Josh is an ass****, James is gross and does gay porn in real life, and the list goes on and on with this group.
I voted for Parker to come back, I actually liked Parker. Nobody in the house liked him, but anything to get this ridiculous group all riled up is fine by me.
7 of 17 | Posted by bigjr6633 | Posted on March 6, 2008 9:38 AM
Something struck me last night while gazing upon Moose's big dumb ugly face. I don't watch the live feeds, but I know there was an orgy, and I am just hoping to God that Moose was not involved. Can anyone verify that??
I have no idea who will be voted back in because none of them were really likeable. I was thinking about who would irritate teh most number of people coming back in, but I wonder if it will be someone like Parker or Alex since it was 68-78% to blame on their partner for being evicted.
8 of 17 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on March 6, 2008 10:48 AM
Fozzie, you are so scathing I just love it!!! It's hard to believe I don't even have to watch this show, and can still so enjoy these recaps. W/out ever seeing Josh, I just despise him like the rest of you!!!!!! HATE as Flip it would say!
I liked the line about the bath house myself--and it really feels like the show's on your last nerve--which I love, coz it gives you those lovely claws!!!
Glad the producers found a way to save the only slightly redeemable house guest, and by slightly redeemable, I mean heavily do-able--though the whole racist thing would have turned me off majahly, so glad I'm only reading and not watching.
Thank-you!
9 of 17 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on March 6, 2008 12:39 PM
Still lovin' Josh. My boy was completely speechless when the air raid siren sounded. I think he was in shock. It was nice to see him quiet for a few minutes though.
Unlike the rest of you, I don't see him going anywhere soon. I COULD BE WRONG BUT I think the ladies in the house see him kind of like a pet that just needs attention and petting. How could they get rid of rover or mittens? The straightee guys don't want to appear homophobic and you know Josh will play the "gay card" if he even thinks someone is homophobic. Plus, I don't think the straightee guys know what to make of Josh. I suspect Josh will be around for awhile.
I was disapointed with the twist. I was hoping it would be revealed that Josh and Ryan were secret lovers.
10 of 17 | Posted by weasel dearest | Posted on March 6, 2008 1:11 PM
my vote is to bring back either parker, jen or amanda. no allison please, tres annoying. matt is an egotiscal sexist idiot, and ryan is racist. my vote is for weird eye moose to win.
11 of 17 | Posted by nflow | Posted on March 6, 2008 2:39 PM
"Well I said I wanted a big church wedding but Matty says 'don't touch me, you make me wanna puke," so we have some decisions to make."
ROTFL!!!
Okay, now that that's out of my system, great recap! The episode was so great! Who else was shouting "Show Josh's face!" when Chen announced that Ryan and Allison weren't leaving just yet?? He looked like he had swallowed a bug.
I, for one, am voting for Amanda to return. That would be bueno.
(PS-DP Hooker, put your fears aside)
12 of 17 | Posted by lickitysplit | Posted on March 6, 2008 3:40 PM
Gotta love a Dr. Seuss reference. Horton Hatches the Egg was one of my favorites!
13 of 17 | Posted by isabell | Posted on March 6, 2008 9:35 PM
"I don't watch the live feeds, but I know there was an orgy, and I am just hoping to God that Moose was not involved. Can anyone verify that??"
Everybody was in the pool except for Amanda, Allison and Sheila. I'm pretty sure that Natalie did kiss Adam, but she was mauling everyone she could get her hands on. I think Ryan was the only one in the pool who didn't kiss anybody. It's all a blur of grossness, and I have tried to block the details from my mind, but I think that was what happened.
14 of 17 | Posted by Dr Leo Marvin | Posted on March 8, 2008 4:20 AM
They also clue us in that Natalie is an artist, mostly painting portraits of mermaids simply because of one romantic movie from the 80s that changed her life: Henry, Portrait of a Serial Killer. Another waitress friend of Natalie's tells us that Natalie hasn't yet found true love because she lets guys walk all over her and she doesn't demand the respect she deserves. Just then a patron at the coffee shop yells, "hey tits, get your thong out of your ass and get me my freakin' latte you stupid whore." "Right away sir!"
----------------
That had me ROFL. Fozzie, awesome recap. All these people seem to suck.
15 of 17 | Posted by tvgasm | Posted on March 8, 2008 1:34 PM
One of my favourite moments was the look on Natalie's face when she realized she no longer had an excuse to stalk Matt in the house, and she'd be going back to being as lonely and sad as when she's back home drawing terrible pictures of friggin mermaids....
I'm also completely in favour of bringing back Jacob or Allison, or even Amanda, just to piss off the most people in the house
16 of 17 | Posted by russlav | Posted on March 9, 2008 9:17 AM
the photo captions kill me. "oh and josh does coke"! hahaha you are a riot.
17 of 17 | Posted by kaf0220 | Posted on March 9, 2008 8:00 PM