***Please welcome your winner of this year's Auditiongasm, Flo!
After much anticipation, everyone's favorite polygamists are back and they're not wasting any time puttering around in the season premier of Big Love. They've got some thick Mormon drama cooking for us from the jump.
The show opens with Bill playing with new baby Nell, who 3rd wife Margene (the cute and lovable one) finally gave birth to. Margene's pregnancy felt like the longest in the history of pregnancies, and I would have thought that after how much time they had to think about it names, they could have come up with something better than Nell. Does anyone else think immediately of a weird Jodie Foster speaking in secret languages?
2nd wife, Nikki (the evil but pious one), enters to whine a little bit about having taken a job to pay off the enormous credit card debt she accrued in the first two seasons. Like a doting mother should, 1st wife Barb enters to pacify Nikki and tell her how proud she is of her for taking responsibility. Unbelievably, Nicki is dressed like a woman from this century, instead of donning her usual turn of last century garb, but she's not doing it smiling. Barb stares off into space when she is finally left alone, and then we cut to her in a CAT scan tube. I'm going to go out on a limb and assume she's distracted by this sudden testing, and that she's not concerned about her dinner casserole or whether Bill likes her best in the sack.
Cut to Bill in his mini van, chanting along to a positive affirmation disc, a special not-so-spiritual one about confidence and money. Bill has a meeting with the head of Weber gaming and pitches his Mormon dream idea of a no-smoking, no-drinking casino, but he isn't convinced. I can't see why not, that sounds like a really good time. Who goes to a casino to drink and smoke and get wrapped up in debauchery anyway? Bill feels his indecision, and makes plans to play the wife #3 card, who is so cute and charming, no one can resist.
This is all you will see at the Mormon casino.
Roman Grant, the self assumed Prophet of the compound, is in prison behind thick glass with two lawyers and his 1st wife Adaleen after being arrested last year in the season finale on statutory rape charges. Roman is denying all of the charges, natch, and pitches a fit at the mention of the word "rape". Adaleen tries to reason with Roman. "These men are good lawyers, honey, these men have worked for Ronald Reagan." Roman asks, "Why has everyone forsaken me?" Didn't somebody else say that? Who was it again, ooh, I know, it was Jesus Christ, while he was hanging from the cross. Face it, Roman, you're no Christ. If Roman were to ask himself "what would Jesus do?" before kicking it to a slew of fifteen year old girls, I'm sure bushes would burn and trees would shake out a resounding "Not that, perv!" Adaleen tries to squash the forsaken idea, but then remembers to tell him that their turncoat son Alby, who had Roman arrested, has moved into the main house and gotten rid of all of their stuff. The Prophet declares, "The heavenly father will crush that bastard usurper of a son." And to this, Adaleen chimes, "Amen." Amen is right, sister, Alby is so creepy.
Ronald Reagan? That sinning actor? How dare you speak his name to me, woman?
Bill is fixing Ana, potential 4th wife's, sink. She's grateful, they make out a little. The strumpet Ana asks Bill, "Let's make love," to which of course, Bill says no, they have to be married first, because this man is all about his principles. She says, oh fine, "then let's just have sex." No, no, no Ana! Bill huffs out, looking a little bit offended. Ana stretches her neck in a movement that screams sexual tension. The girl needs to get laid, and soon.
Alby is in the main house on the Juniper Creek compound, and just as Adaleen said, he's clearing out all of his parent's crap. The new first lady of the compound is trying on her new power to see how it fits, barking out ridiculous commands to sister wives beneath her, with creepy Alby backing her. Alby is self consumed and not really paying attention, reveling in his new position, "I'm feeling a great potency," blah, blah, blah. Summation: Alby's stoked to be in power.
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Comments (8)
Ladonna is Israeli. She mentioned being in a Kibbutz, a "camp-like" thing in which most young Israelis partake.
Also, you didn't mention that Frank thinks that his new wife is Bill's brother's second wife, but really it's her twin sister.
1 of 8 | Posted by ellewoods | Posted on January 23, 2009 11:08 AM
i think frank saying that his new wife-"sits, and fetches and rolls over" was a dig at lois. who refused to allow him to how to say it- enter in through her back door. i think that he is saying that his new wife does or that he makes her do it. at least that is how i read it and i thought it was rather disgusting because just forcing someone to do that is all sorts of wrong.
2 of 8 | Posted by areyoucliff | Posted on January 23, 2009 12:13 PM
Is this show scripted or have I been missing some kind of AWESOME Mormon reality show??
3 of 8 | Posted by Nemesiis | Posted on January 23, 2009 1:31 PM
The show is on HBO.... in its third season.
I have been a HUGE fan of Chloe Sevigny since the movie "Kids" and so I love Nikki.
I love that Nikki is true to her roots through and through and is the son that Alby can't be. She believes in the causes and would have been the heir apparent, had she been male, which is the counterpart to Alby, who is weak and powerless to his own urges.
Flo, I hadn't necessarily thought that Roman and Adelaide had paid the "Bear" to attack Alby, since in his previous attempts for some man-action, they've all ended badly. I just thought that the guy was gay bashed at a cruising spot. Although, this being episode one, I'm sure there's more to it.
Great recap. Thanks for recapping the show. I wish more people would comment to see what they think about this season!
4 of 8 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on January 23, 2009 7:51 PM
I love to hate this show. Makes me happy that I am Baptist! Roman gives me the creeps. He also gave me the creeps 25 yrs ago when he played Molly Ringwald's dad in Pretty in Pink.
5 of 8 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on January 23, 2009 9:12 PM
i love this show so much and am happy it's finally back. it took me awhile to remember everything that happened though. i had to watch it twice. the fourth wife thing is bugging me though. i don't like that he cheated on his three wives. hahah.
"I hadn't necessarily thought that Roman and Adelaide had paid the "Bear" to attack Alby, since in his previous attempts for some man-action, they've all ended badly. I just thought that the guy was gay bashed at a cruising spot. " slutty, the bear knew him by name. he got violent and said "hello, albee!" and then when the meeting with the mom happened she implied that she was responsible, which is so sick and kinda awesome.
the scene with nikki on the roof was absolutely priceless. it made me love her even more. i can't wait to see where all this leads. great job flo and welcome to the family!
6 of 8 | Posted by flipit | Posted on January 23, 2009 10:43 PM
who is the girl that played Rhonda?? She can sing like an angel....but anyway, is she still on the show? I dont get HBO, so I have to just read the re-caps....
7 of 8 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on January 25, 2009 7:29 AM
I absolutely love this show and have watched it from the start. I don't like the fourth wife thing either. I love Bill's Mom. She's so mean and yet hilarious. And I love the fact that the little girl was selling peeps at porn to the neighborhood kids! Haha great recap!
8 of 8 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on January 25, 2009 5:39 PM