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And Then There Were Three…. - TVgasm

by copygodd

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Greetings, dear readers. I trust your Thanksgiving was a happy one. I sit writing this recap in a cabin outside of Silverthorne, Colorado. To the west lies Copper, to the east Loveland, and to the south Breckenridge and Keystone. To my immediate right, a cold bottle of Never Summer Ale. To my left, a half slice of pumpkin pie. At my feet lie our two dogs: Koko the mutt and Alli the three-legged golden retriever. They have been lying here for the past hour, after tiring of playing audience to the wife's tales of our day upon the mountain. Thankfully, the wine has ceased flowing and she now lies safely ensconced betwixt the sheets upstairs, asleep and awaiting the new day. Meanwhile, I've managed to hack a neighbor's wi-fi signal so that I may deliver this week's Biggest Loser recap in the same week the show aired.

And what a show it was. We made up for last week's inaction with one of the stupidest Elimination Ceremonies ever. Suffice it to say, I am no longer rooting for either Matt or Seth, as they have both proved themselves nincompoops of the highest order.

Ah, a nice opening shot of bees, flowers and fountains. I wonder if tonight is the very special "sex talk" episode I've been hearing about. For Suzi's sake, I hope so. Because I'm not sure she's experienced the true joys of womanhood yet.

Bob is super-proud that Andrea and Suzi have made it to the end. He's also super-surprised that the players kept Andrea over Dr. Jeff. "Are you guys high?" he asks the other players. "Because if you are, I have this great super-fast super-quick food in the kitchen. Come on, let's go!" Odds of this being a really lame product placement? 2-1. Odds of it being a product placement for a product I'd actually eat? 20,000,000-1. Yup, it's Quaker Weight-Control Instant Oatmeal. Bob must be high if he thinks I'm eating that crap. Unless one of the flavors is Raisins-N-Crack. Then I might be interested.
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Later, Jillian is walking outside with her boys, reminiscing about their first days at the ranch, like when she made Matt run up a small mound of dirt and he started getting cramps and threw up all over the bushes… Yeah, good times. Jillian puts them through a few more exercises for old time's sake. Seth says he's starting to feel better about wearing clothes. Which is bound to make his neighbors feel better about letting their kids spend time at Seth's pool.

"There's a fire in me again to exercise and be more active and a desire to help people," says Seth. "I can run now. I ran five miles yesterday in an hour. I feel like I was sick when I was overweight, and now I feel healthy. I feel like I've been healed." All hail St. Jillian the Rude! Healer of the Sick! Melter of the Fat! Eater of the Worm!

While Seth is genuflecting and lighting candles, Matt's talking to the camera in the Diary Room, wearing some odd hybrid of the Puffy Shirt. "Going into the finals, I feel like I've got some competition. But I never doubted I'd be in the final group." Other things Matt's never doubted: gravity.


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