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Extreme Makeover: Biggest Loser Edition. - TVgasm

by copygodd

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When you think about it, villains are what make life more interesting. Which is why The Biggest Loser is becoming harder to recap with each passing week. There are no real bad guys for us to hate. I mean, I wouldn't share an elevator with Suzi, but that's only because her constant squeaking makes it sound like she has a severe gas problem. As for the rest, they wouldn't be unpossible to like. What's the worst we can say about them? Suzi: Squeaks too much. Matt: Cries too much. Andrea: See Matt. Plus she has stupid eyebrows. Shannon: Divas too much. Dr. Jeff: Has a vagina for an ankle. Mark: Thinks girls are dirtballs. Except Jen, who was just a dirty girl. Seth: Wait, there's a guy named Seth on this show...?

Dr. Jeff is upset that they made him stay last week, but he swears he's going to make the most of it. Jillian says, "He owes it. To Pete. To keep going. And. He owes it. To. Him. Self." (Is it just me, or is Jillian's delivery becoming more Shatneresque every week?)

Bob decides to take the teams swimming. At least that's what the guys think. The girls, however know better. Because when Bob says "swimming" he actually means ancient Chinese water torture. (Side note: As retina-burning as seeing the contestants in their bathing suits was, worse still was the sight of Jillian's pasty-white thighs. Pass the tanning butter, here comes a stingray!) Shannon tells us, "Now that we're duos, we're doing a lot more group workouts. And the guys are in for a treat." Is Shannon referring to a little afternoon diva delight, perhaps? God, I hope not.

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Another photo-finish.

Bob, meanwhile, is encouraging the contestants to take a dump in the pool. Actually, he tells them to "make a splash! One big splash!" Funny thing: this is the same thing my brother and his wife say to my nephew every night at bedtime. Why they tell Trev it's time to "make a big splash" instead of time to "take a dump" is beyond me. The kid's four years old; he knows what "dump" is.

Time for this week's Temptation Challenge. The players find a giant cake waiting for them in the gazebo. On top of the cake is written: "Dig in to find your temptation." Thank goodness Jennifer W. from The Apprentice wasn't in charge of this cake, or it might have read "Dig in to find your tethtation". How confusing would that've been? After hesitating for about a second, everyone dives in and they find a certificate for a free group makeover at the Cristophe Salon in Beverly Hills. Having never been to Beverly Hills, and having the grooming skills of an orangutan, I've never heard of Cristophe's. But if it's anything like the SuperCuts here in Colorado Springs, I'm sure they'll do a bang-up job. They just won't brush the hair off you afterward.


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