By Nite Writer P Funk
We all agree that The Biggest Loser is a show about inspiring change and eliminating obesity, right? So why, I ask, does NBC air a lengthy season finale where home viewers will sit on their asses for 2 hours? MONEY, my friend, money! C’mon, do you really think that NBC was thinking of the viewers when they booked the Chief Fitness Officer of 24 Hour Fitness. I guess one of hour of plugs and random cameos just isn’t enough.
The beginning of the finale presented us with a season recap via a montage. Montage, fuck yeah! I will now give you the montage via a poem because poems are almost as fun as montages.
50 overweight Americans show their pain, their gain, their fears, their tears, their smiles, their trials, their strengths, their bodies running long lengths, their change in food, their change in mood, working out as their trainers shout, the long journey it took to get their present-day look by starting with flab but ending as fab. Ahhhh, if only losing weight was as easy and as fast as a one minute montage.
So what else did we see in the first hour?
Throughout the first hour, we are teased with little clips of the four remaining contestants. We, and by we I mean I, cry through their exciting homecomings, but I worry about them keeping up their success. Erik tells us of the distractions at home. I think he means temptations. Erik works in a deli and food staring you in the face might be a “distraction.” He might want to consider a career move. Maybe he should consider being a chief fitness officer. I hear 24 Hour Fitness is looking for someone. I worry for Kai because she’s a party girl. She is definitely someone i’d like to go shot for shot with. She regretted drinking the morning after a crazy night, but that regret probably went away after she booted and realized that puking could take place of exercising. I’m just kidding- bulimia is a serious subject.
Hour One also gave us two big winners... or rather two big losers. New Jersey’s Poppi won 50,000 dollars and lost 20 sizes. You go girl! And go she did when Maine engulfed her in his arms and picked Little Poppi up in the air. I guess he thought that she really is a little Poppi doll.
The 100,000 dollar winner was Brian from California who lost 156 pounds, going from 308 lbs. to 152 lbs. He lost more than what he currently weighs, but less than Caroline Rhea’s current weight. This was especially apparent when she engulfed him in her arms. I must say that I was tad bit disappointed when Caroline didn’t pick him up in the air. And by the way, since we are on the subject of the host, I have to say that Caroline’s stylist needs to get fired asap. Who would put her in such a form-fitting outfit knowing that she would be standing next to contestants of a weight-loss competition. And to make matters worse, it’s the finale so of course they’re going to look their best.
Ok, back to competition. Oh and what do you know, we have entered the second hour.
Hour Two brings us back to the final four: Wylie, Kai, Erik, and Heather. Holy Shit! I guess Jello does make these contestants jiggle- for 250,000 dollars that is. I told you that’s it’s all about the money. But seriously, they look amazing. They each look like a different person. The audience would agree, judging by their reaction. Everyone was in awe of each other on stage, including Caroline Rhea. However, I could sense a little envy on her part.
All that was left was the final weigh-in. Kai started at 262 lbs. and ended at 144 lbs., losing 118 lbs. which was a female record on The Biggest Loser. She is definitely no longer the “fat friend” that she once called herself. It also seems as though she has a bit of an ego now. Remember girl, there’s a difference between cocky and confident. Don’t become the skinny bitch you used to hate.
Wylie began his life change at 307 lbs. and currently weighs 178 lbs. The cheering did not stop while he weighed himself. The weigh-in soon turned into a strip tease as Wylie kept taking his clothes off. The applause and screams made Caroline Rhea fight to speak. Her piercing voice somehow fought through it.
« Recap: The Duel: Fat Guy In A Little Duel! | Main | Recap: Top Chef: The Mia Monologues: Christmas Edition »
Comments (10)
Yes I was so inspired by the Biggest Losers..as I'm sitting on my couch, chowing down on chips and soda. So inspired.
Kai was officially the most annnoying contestant. She kept doing this body twist that made me cringe. And Heather.. I almost feel like she got pregnant because she knew she couldn't lose the weight. But those are just mean thoughts. I know she worked hard........... and congratulations on her pregnancy, I guess.
Okay, okay, I'm just jealous because I can't seem to lose 10 lbs while these mofos are losing 100+.
1 of 10 | Posted by IJustWatch
|
Posted on December 15, 2006 11:52 PM
"And by the way, since we are on the subject of the host, I have to say that Caroline’s stylist needs to get fired asap"
Word! A pink sausage casing dress?
Good recap Guest Columnist.
hb
2 of 10 | Posted by HoneyBunny
|
Posted on December 16, 2006 6:22 AM
You forgot to mention the random b-list celebrities in the audience. I swear I think I saw Niecy Nash and Carl Lewis...
3 of 10 | Posted by susanarosa
|
Posted on December 16, 2006 7:07 AM
Man, I couldn't BELIEVE how much weight Erik lost! That was amazing. I was glad he won, I can't stand Kai and her tongue-exposing, rock-concert finger waving at all her "peeps". Ugh. Anyway, all's well that ends well.
And not to crack down on Caroline Rhea, but if I were hosting The Biggest Loser, I might possibly want to project an image of physical fitness..or possibly lose a couple of pounds..? JMO!
4 of 10 | Posted by Jojobear
|
Posted on December 16, 2006 12:45 PM
Heather looked fantastic! I'm sure she didn't get pregnant on purpose like the previous person said that Heather couldnt' lose the weight. Try looking like that 5 months pregnant with your 3rd child. Marty should be the big winner as he made the most healthy transformation of all. He weighs a little more but thats good because muscle weighs more. My 17 year old son who is also an athlete was so impressed by Marty. Brian looked emaciated quite honestly. The winner did a great job also.
5 of 10 | Posted by wincha
|
Posted on December 16, 2006 11:44 PM
Susanarosa,
There were a ton of celebs in the audience and they all seemed to be there for Wiley. Niecy was there, so was Daphne Zuniga and gosh I can't remember who all was there but his whole section seemed to be famous people.
Caroline Rhea needs to stop hosting this show, not just because she is definitely not in the right shape to stand among these people, but she had NO control over what was going on in that finale. It was a hosting disaster. And her shrill shreak was killing me. It was just beyond awkward.
6 of 10 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
|
Posted on December 17, 2006 1:55 PM
It's too bad you didn't recap all the episodes so you could show how progressively annoying each of these contestants became. Frankly I didn't care who won as long as Wylie didn't, he was the worst. All that lisping got on my last nerve. Although I have to agree with IJustWatch about Kai's body twist, she was annoying too, and that dress didn't do her any favors. I'm glad they all lost the weight and for their sakes I hope they keep it off. But for the next round, it would be nice if they got people who weren't so whiny. Yes, I'm talking about you Heather. I think she spent more time arguing with the trainer than she did concentrating on losing the weight.
7 of 10 | Posted by greeneyes
|
Posted on December 17, 2006 11:42 PM
According to my husban's calculations, the final 4 were home for 6 months, and Heather said she was 5 months pregnant. Which means she got preggers pretty quick after she got back. Losing all the weight prob. really helped her to conceive.
And yes. Kai was the most annoying contestant EVER. When she had her "i'm so tired" temper tantrum on the treadmill after she went home, I really really just wanted to kick her.
8 of 10 | Posted by Laurie
|
Posted on December 18, 2006 11:40 AM
To be fair to Caroline, I think it probably behooves the contestants to have someone that isn't bone skinny to be their pal for 10 weeks or whatever it is. There is a reason that people like Bob & Kim aren't hosts and its because the contestants can't relate. Especially in those first few weeks, I think they need a non-threatening sort of person to lead them around their challenges and such. That's not to say she couldn't get some inspiration from the contestants and get a bit more fit, but maybe she figures a few extra pounds is job security.
I have one word for Marty -- MOOBS. Those are some serious man boobs he's sporting, there. He was mesmerized by his own biceps, and I couldn't take my eyes off his rack. Try some pec exercises at your next workout, k Marty?
9 of 10 | Posted by Die_MediaWhores
|
Posted on December 18, 2006 11:46 AM
Hello all,
I'm currently researching various weight loss programs and courses.
So, if you don't mind please answer in this topic: What’s your single most important question about weight loss?
Cheers, JD
10 of 10 | Posted by jdpolson | Posted on August 21, 2008 5:38 AM