Caroline told the team, "So far you've been in a controlled environment here at the ranch. Now we're going to test your willpower at the ultimate city of temptation. We're going to Amsterdam!" Actually, they're going to Vegas, but I think Amsterdam would've been a harder challenge. They put mayonnaise on their French fries there. I've seen 'em do it, man. They fuckin' drown it in that shit!

Matt is afraid that Vegas will be a real challenge. "On the same hand," he continues, "we know why we're here." Yeah, to changes lives. To inspire a nation. And to mangle more colloquialisms than Markus on The Donald's Apprentice.

Ryan, having never been to Vegas, is a little worried about the trip. "I'm the music director at my church," she tells us. "I've got to be a little bit good." That leaves it up to Suzanne to be a little bit bad, Seth to be a little bit country and Suzanne to be a little bit rock and roll.

By the time they reach Vegas, Matt is a little bit confused. "When the Aladdin bus pulled up to the Aladdin Hotel, other people were getting pretty excited," he said. "I was a little nervous, because I didn't know what to expect." Hmm, Aladdin Bus, Aladdin Hotel, they must be in Amsterdam after all!

Inside the casino, Caroline greeted the contestants wearing a low-cut peasant blouse. You just know she reeked of the fields. She let both teams know that eating at Planet Hollywood would be the first part of their challenge. (And if you've ever eaten at a Planet Hollywood, you know just how challenging it can be.) After dinner, they're free to gamble, before retiring to the mega-suites on the 50th Floor. "These are usually reserved for the biggest winners," she tells them. "But tonight, there aren't any winners here, so they said we could use it." Just kidding. She really said tonight it was for the biggest losers.

At dinner that wacky Matt tells the wait staff it's his birthday. The producers must have tipped off the staff, though, because it looks like they baked Matt's cake in my sister's old Easy-Bake oven. Dr. Jeff still complained about Matt not sharing, though. Afterward, Suzanne tells us that she is "totally Lady Luck." Except, you know, for that whole metabolism thing. Although to be fair, she did win $1600 at the slot machine later that night.

Poor Matt. He's developing a gambling problem before our very eyes. Maybe when this season's over, he can look up Art Schlichter and they can hit the celebrity poker circuit.

The next day, Bob and Jillian show their teams a quick workout they can do in their rooms. As Bob explains, "If the gym is closed in your hotel, or if your hotel doesn't have a gym, that's just an excuse not to work out." Another excuse not to work out: I'm lazy.

Jillian chimes in, adding "everyone goes on holiday. That's not an excuse to abandon your fitness regimen." Do mine ears deceive me, or did Jillian just go all faux-Brit and say "on holiday?" When did she start training Madonna? Next thing you know, she'll be calling her team a bunch of "cunting clagnuts."

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