Greetings, Gasmii! This week in our super late recap of The Biggest Loser, we discover that working as a team means you can do anything! We also discover that this show is two hours every week, which means no matter what, we'll always have a large time.
We open to a theme song that didn't exist last week, and it's really flattering all around. Tracey's never looked better!
Julio reminds us that he and Alexandra fell below the yellow line, and as a result, she was sent home. Black and white clips show us her sad elimination, during which she wails, "I can't believe how hard this is." It can't be any harder than losing weight, but to be fair, she wasn't very good at that either. Mo isn't sure he'll ever get over evicting Alexandra. You have to wonder why he voted for her then, but so be it! Alexandra is gone and everyone has to sack up.
Alison tells us it's always hard to say goodbye. Wouldn't it be great if they didn't have to eliminate anyone? The cast woefully agrees, so she tells them they're in luck: she has a proposition for them! They get very hopeful that Alexandra's coming back, preferably with pizza, but instead they're told about a deal where they can keep everyone safe at the next weigh-in. If the contestants lose a combined total of 150 pounds in the next week, everyone will get to stick around.
Humpty Dumpty immediately decides there's no way they could lose that much. Too bad we can't get rid of him entirely, that would drop a cool 400. Humpty explains that everyone plateaus during the second week, but this doesn't faze Alison. If they don't lose 150 pounds, two people will be sent home. There are 15 contestants left, so theoretically everyone needs to lose ten pounds and they'll meet their goal. Danny says this isn't an individual effort though, so they'll all need to work together. This statement makes things thoroughly awkward when the cast returns to the house for dinner. To settle things, they just eat Amanda.
Everyone sits down weepily. Julio tells them how hard elimination was, and he's grateful everyone chose to keep him. Of course that's not entirely true -- his ass was almost out the door, but we'll let him pretend. Coach Mo decides they need to come up with a game plan. I get the feeling he's going to mention he's a coach every time he speaks, and sure enough, he's living up to that so far. He promises to get into everyone's head, coach-like, and coach them up real good. He also wants to employ Daniel in this strategy, since Daniel's already lived through the infamous Week Two. Daniel tells us he lost 30 pounds in last season's first week, prompting a celebration that need never be seen again.
In Week Two, however, he only lost three pounds. To weigh 424 pounds and lose three is legitimately marvelous. I'd say he must've been comatose ala Tracey, but even then he should've lost more weight. He shares this plight with the other contestants, prompting Coach Mo to tell Julio, "You owe." For someone who voted to keep Julio, Mo sure has beef with this dude! Relatedly, he wants beef in general.
The next morning, the cast waddles to the gym. Jillian and Bob enter and discover that Julio is still in the game, which prompts them both to say "Wow" over and over again. That must make him feel good! Bob inquires about the first elimination, whereas Jillian can't be bothered to care. They tell him it was brutal and he gleefully trills, "Isn't it awful?" Thank God Bob doesn't actually attend those events, he would just cackle through the whole ceremony. He continues to dampen spirits by explaining that this week will be a nightmare. Jillian says if the cast is lucky, they'll see half the results from last week. Most likely they'll gain weight.
The contestants quickly inform Jillian and Bob that gaining weight is not an option. They have a challenge! They must be successful! Everyone shouts over each other, while a faux shell-shocked Bob asks what they could possibly be talking about. Conversely it might be genuine surprise; the trainers may be so unprepared for their jobs they don't actually know about the 150-pound stipulation. Fortunately Rudy fills them in, simultaneously filling his quota for airtime on this program. After hearing the challenge details, Jillian announces, "We should just pick two people to go home right now." Yay! Optimism!
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Comments (7)
This episode came on right about the time that One Day at a Time gal was telling the world she fucked her father in order to sell a few more copies of her book on a show run by a woman who has made a princely living exploiting the emotional and psychological distress of her victi...er...guests.
It got me started musing about the current state of commerce in this world, where people willingly barter their traumas (entire family being killed in a car accident; being raised by a heroin junky mother) not to mention their personal dignity for a few minutes of television time. And of course, the producers and whatnot who happily exploit that distress for bigger ratings and more advertisements.
But what really got me about this show were the blantant and persistent infomercials and product placements (including for the show's own line of licensed crap products) sprinkled throughout the episode-- no wonder they need two hours! How are they going to push all that product otherwise?
And for what? Plastic bags that stand up? Are you fucking kidding me?
I originally was going to comment on the idea of insisting that "transformational" reality shows like this (and Beauty and the Geek for another, but Charm School too) should become competitions where the people who need the most help tend to get eliminated the quickest. And that I liked the idea that, for this episode at least, they realized that they could just keep everybody and they'd still have a show.
Hell, they should keep everybody for the entire season and decide the winner at the very end -- it's easy enough to do, since the results are quantifiable: the winner is the person who has lost the most weight, percentage wise.
But that was before Oprah made another few million selling the story of Mackenzie's father-fest while Jillian was using a Ziplock bag as a dental dam and Bob was snorting Biggest Loser protein powder up his nose while the rest of the cast where getting Brita high-colonics.
Now I say: Ah fuck em all.
Except Mackenzie already has.
1 of 7 | Posted by itchy | Posted on September 30, 2009 2:02 PM
"Just to do some shameless pimping of my own stuff, check out my videos at youtube (search for "mickey zero" ...there's quite a bit of me to see...eh hem)"
Seems that none of us is above a little self-aggrandizement, eh itchy?
Seriously, I think you are right about keeping everybody for the entire season. It seems cruel to kick them out when they are basically fighting for their lives. At the very least, let the kicked off people come back and weigh in at the end. If they lost the most, they should at least get some recognition, if not the win. (But then that might make Jillian and Bob look bad, if people could lose as much or more without them.)
I'm going to take up for Abby here and say that I don't think she did this to get on TV. I think she seriously needed some direction and purpose in her life and a reason not to just give up. Actually, I can't believe anyone does this show to get "famous" since they look so awful on the show, between the sweating, the crying, and the scantily clad weigh-ins.
2 of 7 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on October 1, 2009 12:38 AM
They do let the 'loser' contestents come back at the end of the season to weigh in --- whichever one lost the most amount of weight wins something like $100,000.
Obviously, they all want the money but what is really special about this show is that they are genuinely happy for each other whether they win or lose (the money, that is). They say they all feel like winners as they all lose weight.
Plus, it is really inspirational to see how those that have been sent home are still able to lose their weight.
3 of 7 | Posted by ohralphie | Posted on October 1, 2009 6:39 AM
pixielated: they do let the kicked off people come back at the end. The top 4 on the show get a winner, and then the "losers" weigh in for cash at the end as well.
it's no different than the Extreme Makeovers really (with the pimping of products and exploiting persona tragedy) but it still is nice to see people band together and make a diffrenece in their life, and thus lifting up the audience.
4 of 7 | Posted by cansnuts | Posted on October 1, 2009 7:11 AM
Well, point taken (almost).
Except... with all the mouthing off I do here in gasm-land, I figure it's only fair that I put myself out there. Those who talk the talk, etc.
Besides, I'm not selling anything-- (as long as youtube's still free, at any rate)--and not pretending to be inspiring people when my real purpose is to push product. My real purpose is to make music, and possibly find a few people in the world who actually appreciate the music I make. It's kind of rare ;-D (Although a couple of my songs will be on Canadian public radio this week, of all places!)
On the other hand, I find it truly disturbing the level of product placement on this show. I can't recall it being this blatant on any other show. It takes away a lot from the transformational concept of the show, I feel.
I can just imagine Jeff Probst pausing the show just before the start of a challenge to hawk Gatorade.
5 of 7 | Posted by itchy | Posted on October 1, 2009 9:19 AM
What I thought you were talking about fame whores, not product placement, itchy. I really can't comment about the product placement because I don't watch the show. Those bags that stand up sound like a good idea though. lol
6 of 7 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on October 2, 2009 12:17 AM
Fat people are funny enough all on their own. But your recap, you're writing, oh my god. Tears, real tears.
I've been watching this show a long time (only for Jillian, really, and because it makes me want to work out even though I'm not fat), and the product placement and dramatic pauses ala Alison have always bugged me to the point of wanting to stop watching. The Jenny-O, Gladware, Ziploc, Subway, Extra Gum . . . . Nauseating. Save it, people.
Keep recapping.
7 of 7 | Posted by flamama | Posted on October 6, 2009 12:20 PM