Okay, ANOTHER little important tidbit that y'all missed during the transition of power was that there are now TWO teams. We've split up into Blue and Black teams. Bob trains the Blue and Jillian has the black. Tracey won some contest to choose teams and severely pissed everyone off by splitting up all the teammates. Also, Tracey is just plain crazy. Then again, ANYone who wants to be on this show is crazy by default and probably in need of some sort of diagnosis. And who is better for giving unwanted and unqualified psychological advice other than Miss Jillian?

Anyway, time to move on and really sink our teeth into Episode Numero Ocho! The show opens with it's montage of grunts and muffin tops. As the theme music to the show plays, the contestants effectively grunt along in tune. It's amazing, really. All it's missing are the musical medleys of someone playing skin harp on one of those big floppy bellies! Any volunteers for that one?

After eliminating Dina, the black team re-enters the house sniffling and dejected. I would think they'd be excited because it's one less person to split the food supply with. What? Did you really think I wouldn't be making fat jokes with this show? It's okay. Shamu is one of my best friends, so I'm allowed to joke about these things. Amanda tells us that she voted Dina out of the house because she's better friends with the other people on her team. Liz tells us that she doesn't buy the tears. She thinks that the black team enjoyed getting rid of Dina. Why Liz is so mean, I dunno. But we're only five minutes in and I'm already ready for her to shut her trap. Wrinkles and all.

The next morning, the teams meet Allison Sweeney outside. She tells Rudy that if he loses 100 pounds, then he will have set a Biggest Loser record. Um. What? Okay, I'm new to this season, so I don't know what this guy's been doing, but how on earth does one lose 100 pounds in SEVEN WEEKS?! They must be sucking the fat out of him in some illegal way, right? Maybe they are slowing removing his internal organs to shed the pounds. How much does a kidney weigh? Rudy looks like the type of dude who could easily function with just one. Anyway, Dane lost the same amount of weight in eight weeks last season, so Rudy would be breaking his record. Huzzah! Fat people with goals are just adorable.

So that skinny bitch Allison tells us that this week, they'll be going head-to-head with someone from the opposite team. Whoa! Shocker! You're telling me they'll be -- GASP! -- competing with the opposite team?!?! It just can't be. They'll face off against their opponent at the weigh-in. Each winner will score a point for their team. The team with the most points wins.

Whoever wins the POP CHALLENGE will choose competitors. Hmm...pop challenge. Kinda like a pop quiz. Speaking of those, you know how some teachers call those "quizzacles?" What do you think they call tests, then? Quizzacle...? Testic...? Go ahead and connect the dots on that one, Gasmii. Speaking of balls, this pop challenge involves a long, sleek bar. They have to weave under the bar and touch discs hanging on either side. Each time they touch the disc, it's one point. The first team to 500 points wins. Only one player can compete at a time, and each player only gets one turn. At first I thought this looked easy. But then I thought about how I lost my breath by walking up the one flight of stairs to my office earlier today, and then I decided that not only was this challenge next to impossible but also cruel and unusual.

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Posted in Biggest Loser by MandaMo at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Last Comment: itchy on Nov 3, 2009 12:25 PM.