Dear Gasmii, My sincerest apologies for posting this recap of The Biggest Loser so late. You see, I had the flu over the weekend. So I was already experiencing enough intestinal grief without adding this show to the mix. Forgive me?
We are in week 9, and everyone is shocked they made it so far, and everyone intends to win. With only a few more weeks left, I am celebrating from my little recapper's nest. I can see the light at the end of this big fat tunnel, and it ain't because I'm looking through Liz's vajayjay.
Our mighty fat peeps are back on the ranch from their political trip to DC. They promptly meet with Ali for the pop challenge, and she has some startling news. This week, TWO players will be eliminated. "Today there are eight of you," Ali says. "After tonight, there will only be six players left." Okay, so... 8-2=6? Thanks, Ali! Simple math has never been my strong suit. In fact, fractions are my worst horrific nightmare. So when Becca clarifies that this means ONE-FOURTH of the team will be gone, I'm thankful that she completed this quick division in her head for me. It's like SchoolHouse Rock this week. Only fatter. And less pervy. Okay, just as pervy. And don't pretend like SchoolHouse Rock wasn't pervy. If you are asking children "what's your function???" hidden by a catchy tune, then something is seriously wrong with you.
Oh goodness. Let's get back on fat. I mean, back on track. Because that's not even the WORST news! Oh no. No, it's not. The WORST news is that there will be a yellow line AND a red line. The person who loses the weigh-in will be below the red line and is automatically out. The next two lowest losers will be below the yellow line and a regular elimination will take place. Got that?
Now on to the pop challenge! Each player has a board with 50 tennis balls attached. They must jump up, grab a ball, and toss it into their container. Whoever gets the most balls, wins and will receive a one pound advantage at weigh-in. Amanda and Liz have mystery medical reasons that will not allow them to play. I always wonder what these "medical reasons" are. Is the reason that they are fat?
Time to start jumpin' for balls! Allen starts off in the lead with Rudy close behind. Some stuff happens, but Allen maintains in the lead. Then Becca magically ties Allen and they are neck and neck. But Allen still wins by a hair. Surprised? Me neither.
Becca and Amanda go for a walk and agree that they want Liz off the show. And if Allen gets below the yellow line, they'll vote him out. Amanda tells us there is a separation between the young and the old. Right now, there are four moldy oldies vs. four onion young'uns. Whoever falls below the red line, makes the vote four vs. three and one team gains the advantage. Get the math on that one, Gasmii? It's 4-1=3.
Jillian and Bob meet the team at the house, and Jillian remarks how funny it is that Tracey was eliminated after she could stand her. She chortles and guffaws but no one gets her joke. Apparently, it only makes sense in SatanLand where Jillian goes after work and unfolds the big, leathery wings that she hides underneath her tank top. Allen tells the trainers about the yellow and red lines. And Bob is shocked! He cannot believe that two people are going home. His reaction is SO exaggerated, that you'd think they'd told him something REALLY bad. Like that they were no longer providing him with EXTRA gum and LARA BARS. Or that he's no longer allowed to sit on the backs of hot, sweaty firemen as they do push-ups in the grass.
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Comments (5)
Liz totally reminds me of Sookie Stackhouse in 40 years (even though Liz is only in her 40's). Watch and listen to her talk and the things that come out of her mouth - SO Sookie, SO Sassy!
1 of 5 | Posted by cfab | Posted on November 18, 2009 11:18 AM
After all the drama (yawn) of Shay needing to be there yadda yadda, it's in the producers' interest to have hired a team to keep working with her before the final so that when they bring her out she'll have lost another 150 pounds or so and become some smokin' hot mama.
Of course, her husband will leave her because a) he married a fat gal, and b) she's been giving him too much shit about all the fried food he eats.
I'm kind of glad Shay got the boot because I started spitting at her everytime she brought up yet again her horrible life tragedy.
I also thought it was tons of fun that both this show and America's Next Top Emaciated Stick Figure both kicked two people out last week.
2 of 5 | Posted by itchy | Posted on November 18, 2009 11:46 AM
It's probably just me but I didn't find this humorous or snarky. I found it just mean.
3 of 5 | Posted by Mimo | Posted on November 18, 2009 1:24 PM
My friend from high school is a dental hygentist and said that Liz came into the dentist's office yesterday to get her teeth cleaned and whitened for the finale. She said Liz looked good and was really nice to everyone. I live in SoCal but I grew up in Tennessee. I didn't realize Liz was from TN. Guess I missed that somewhere.
4 of 5 | Posted by marijai | Posted on November 18, 2009 1:38 PM
Here is my take on the remaining contestants. Rudy - HATE him. Producers are doing there best to cover up with a douche he is. He is BIG enough and has such success on the scales that he does not need to stoop to being deceptive and a general ass.
Grandma Moses - Flappin her jowels too much. Will ride coat tails to the end as everybody know they can beat her and she could care less. Amanda - Not a fan and tierd of hearing how she can't let America down for voting her in - get off your soapbox Homecoming Queen and hit the gym. So I am pulling for either Alan or that other guy (problem w/ names)
5 of 5 | Posted by Considerthis | Posted on November 19, 2009 6:49 AM