By The Qwertz
Well if you watched last week's episode of Blowout, you knew what would be next. Jonathan only continually browbeating the Baccardi execs and the viewer over his tight schedule since he would have to be in Hawaii, bro, after banging out some rockin' hair, bro. I'm masc, bro. So this week we saw Blowout: Aloha Edition. Nothing says masc like wearing a lei and giving a public lecture on how to combat the most unholy of terrors since the overthrow of Queen Lili'uokalani: frizzy hair in tropical climates!!!!
Well we open in the back of a long, white, tacky limo with Jonathan being overly enthusiastic about being in Hawaii. Look, I know Hawaii is an island (many of them) and its all tropical but it's a state that is a plane ride away from LA that is of similar duration as flying to New York. Aside from the signs in Japanese, Hawaii is just like Dallas. Or Sacramento. I JUST KEEEDING! Hawaii is awesome, I love me the yearly trip with the fam to the vacation manse, what with the palm trees, moderate humidity, volcanoes, and the most friendly people all treating you with the spirit of Aloha! No, really--it's the law for Hawaiian citizens to conduct themselves in the spirit of Aloha(!) see!
Anywho, back to idiot Jonathan who is in the back of the cab with his ipod on, and earbuds in--while he yells "ISNT IT GREAT TO BE IN HAWAII, BRO?" Hey, I have any idea: STOP BEING AN IDIOT. Sadly for them, Jonathan was yelling at Rob, his business manager, and Beth Ann/Tina of Jonathan Product. His underlings are just the nicest people ever, and to be stuck with Jonathan, I can only assume they murdered kittens in a previous life.
Jonathan felt it important to bring his team with him, not only to launch the showerhead, but also because he was on a mission. Yes, a "mission of hair." I'm sure the Hawaiians are sick of missionaries, regardless of purpose--so I'm sure Jonathans mission will win over the hearts of no one.
We arrive at his morning destination, the Channel 2 Morning Show. Of course he is late, which I must say is not really in the spirit of Aloha. We see Jonathan on air, looking super greasy while Tannya Joaquin (Hawaii's Morning News Anchor) acts like she's intimidated that someone of his caliber is on the show. Sadly, Jonathan's hair looked like crap, and Tina/Beth Ann lied when asked by Jonathan. Egg on his face!
Over lunch, Jonathan and the girls go over the schedule and in the seaside lunch setting I really wonder why Jonathan doesn't take a moment to control Tina/Beth Ann's hair. I mean we are taking frizz, and fly-away hair central, bro. Where was I? Ah yes, the shed-dule. More proof these women killed kittens in a previous life? Tina only eats the gristle off her bacon. Not the meaty part, I mean how weird is that?
Over at the Ala Moana Shopping Center, Jonathan and the gang tour Sephora to see what the set up is for the following day. After signing a few showerheads (because people will save the box for a showerhead?!?). A few girls show up so Jonathan can find a few hair models at the models for his presentation the next day, and the lineup was totally rigged. He had to choose five, but clearly with Miss Hawaii being there, she was a shoo-in. To make the situation more awkward, Jonathan literally stood there staring at these poor women, giving them the stink eye and feeling up their heads of hair. Eww. Well Jonathan chose his women, including Jennifer Fairbank who was Miss Hawaii 2005 (she took home the interview and swimsuit awards, natch).
Over at the Ko Olina Golf Club, Jonathan and his biz manager Rob play a bit of golf. Sadly for Rob, the "two things [Jonathan] knows how to do is cut hair and play golf." I feel for Sescie right about now. Over on the 10th fairway, Jonathan is psyched to finish up golfing, do the presentation and head home to see his boy and his girl. He chokes back the tears...CRY! CRY! Close enough.
The next morning, we all head over to the Ala Moana while Jonathan preps for his huge hairshow. Tina/Beth Ann reminds Jonathan he will have two of his stylists from the WeHo salon to assist. Jonathan is chastised by Tina/Beth Ann for going to wrong way to the prep room, but Jonathan, ever defiant, claims he found a secret passage. Never one to miss an opportunity, Tina/Beth Ann claim Jonathan "is the backdoor man." HAHA, hair stylist sexual preference zing!
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Comments (14)
Jonathan is "the back door man"...You kill me! Choked on my dinner reading that one! A few things he said during this episode. He said he loves the smell of hair product first thing in the morning. Does he have a tube of Silky Dirt laying on his nightstand? Does he roll over and take a sniff? He also said hair talks...Well mine tells me to NEVER put a Jonathan product on it EVER. Also for the last few episodes, he always says he's got to get back to the hair first, and puts the family second. WTF? And loved him bombing on stage..I drooled over it. Ass!
1 of 14 | Posted by alienlips
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Posted on May 2, 2006 6:04 PM
FYI -- the frozen eggs short hair lady actually has a new show on Bravo about her gym. I saw a preview for it last night during the second most obnoxious show on TV, Real Housewives of Orange County. Hmm I wonder how tough it was for them to "fit her in".
2 of 14 | Posted by KikiFabulous
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Posted on May 3, 2006 6:57 AM
This season has been pretty boring. All I remembered from this episode was sweaty Jonathan BOMBING at the 'hairshow', that girl talking non-stop to Scott and the 'backdoor man' comment. I like 'Real Housewives of Orange County' more than I like this show now... sad.
Thanks for the recap, The Qwertz! :)
3 of 14 | Posted by stacyrocks
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Posted on May 3, 2006 7:55 AM
Hey, it's Stony Curtis from the Flintstones!
I knew there was something cromagnoriffic about him bro.
4 of 14 | Posted by k37744
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Posted on May 3, 2006 8:37 AM
sigh. i agree this show blows, and it is a chore to recap and i'm fairly happy this week was the last.
the real housewives is a hoot though. i mean there is only one good mother on that show (brunette) who has that smokin hot son, sean, who is clearly gay--though i loved when jo asked him flat out if he was.
5 of 14 | Posted by the_qwertz
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Posted on May 3, 2006 8:40 AM
Jeana's son Shane on RHOC is SO HOT...and so virginal. Although after a few months at whatever JuCo he's attending, I'm sure he's batting .400 more places than on the baseball field.
6 of 14 | Posted by KikiFabulous
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Posted on May 3, 2006 8:55 AM
i dont know if he will...wasnt he talking about how he wasnt interested in sleeping with girls or something once?
and when he went to mexico with his uncle and he had all those drunk girls fawning over him, and his uncle was basically forcing him to hang out with the girls...yeah, that was uncomfortable.
7 of 14 | Posted by the_qwertz
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Posted on May 3, 2006 8:57 AM
Oh yes, Shane is DAMN HOT. I remember him saying all he cares about is baseball and that all his friends with girlfriends were miserable so he doesn't care for that.
When he went to Mexico with that friend of the family/fake uncle, he said he wanted to find the right girl (or did he just say 'person'??). He does seem a little confused... but good for him for not taking advantage of all the puss available to him.
8 of 14 | Posted by stacyrocks
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Posted on May 3, 2006 9:31 AM
haha, yes. he said "person" which i thought was funny because he has said "person" before as opposed to "girlfriend."
poor guy, its not like everything is crystal clear when you are 18 anyhow.
9 of 14 | Posted by the_qwertz
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Posted on May 3, 2006 10:01 AM
HA! Brilliant re-cap. I actually watched the first half of this terrible yet strangely entertaining show. I can't remember why -- perhaps I was drunk and too lazy to change the channel? Hmm...I still don't get the whole showerhead thing. Weird.
10 of 14 | Posted by catarina
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Posted on May 3, 2006 12:11 PM
catarina
I'm so embarrassed that I know the answer to your question. When Jonathan was taking a shower the water in his apartment was shut off and he had to wash and rinse his hair/body with Evian. He was amazed that his hair and skin were so smooth - hence - yes, hence, the shower/filter thingy. I seriously need to get a weekend life! Taa-dah
11 of 14 | Posted by Belinda
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Posted on May 3, 2006 2:51 PM
I love Jonathan, but I must say I'm happy the season is over. It was getting so so boring. And of course he had to end it with tears. How uninterested and tuned-out does his shrink look.
12 of 14 | Posted by couchpotato
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Posted on May 4, 2006 6:21 AM
I agree. I think they messed up by focusing solely on Blowhard's exploits and not showing his underlings until the last episode because they forgot they were in the opening credits. A show focused solely on Blowhard is just too much to handle.
13 of 14 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on May 7, 2006 5:46 PM
I forgot to mention that Blowhard's underling only ate the meaty bits of bacon, not the grissle.
14 of 14 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on May 7, 2006 5:48 PM