By The Qwertz
Well its that time again for Jonathan to hit New York, climb up the Empire State Building with a woman in his grip and not come down until Jonathan Product canvasses the country from coast to coast. Yes, it is the Olympus Fashion Week episode where Jonathan promises to be more self-important and more a prima-donna than ever before! Will he get all those models prepped? Will he have aerosol in time? Will he have to use actual dirt when he runs out of Dirt? Most importantly, will we see Jason???
Heading out of his condo, Jonathan says bye to "Honey and Ash" which really makes me wonder if he never says his concubine's name simply because he doesn't know how to properly say "Sescie." But really, can you blame him? En route to the office, he's so excited to finally be cutting some hair...BUT FIRST, he must expand more on the baby that is "a champion, you know, he just sleeps." Yeah, that's what babies do. But Jonathan's long days are worth it, but you know "its not about me" HAHA, worst liar EVER.
Over at the Beverly Hills Salon, Jonathan gets pictures of all the models he'll need to rock out for fashion week, pulling a very Janice Dickensian method of judging "yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, whoa, make it work, yeah...haha." Anyone else notice he laughs like that snot nose punk you went to school with in 7th grade but didn't punch because you believed in the theory of nonviolent protest, but secretly you just wanted to cut him? Yeah, he laughs like that. ANYWHO, walking from the desk to his office, he kisses some women, and sneaks up behind stylist Kevin, and coming from behind with the reach-around kiss, Kevin turns his shoulder into Jonathan making for a v v awkward encounter of kiss turned hug. Haha Awesome. Luckily for us, Jonathan gives SCOTT a slap on the ass (how hetero) which doesn't allow SCOTT a chance for dialogue. Darn.
Up at the front desk, we are treated to a very poor shot of the two receptionists madly flipping through the appointment book marked with lots of pencil and highlighter. You know, like my capitalization tables look after I hand them to a five year old. Oh and in case you were wondering, one woman answers the phone "Jonathan is booked four months in advance, and his cuts range from $500 to $700" haha. Sorry, I just think it is very very amusing for a reasonable person to pay $700 for a haircut. Don't get me wrong, I regularly paid $110 for a guys cut at the Arrojo Studio in NYC, but mostly it was because my stylist also was Janice Dickinson's personal stylist and would treat me to some HILARIOUS stories. That alone was worth the $110. But c'mon, $700? That's some crazy martini money being thrown away there. Oh, and if you didn't get the point of this whole montage, it means Jonathan is VERY important. You know, if you couldn't figure it out by Bravo producing a TELEVISION SHOW ABOUT HIM.
Finally disrobing and handing off his jacket to his assistant, Clarissa, Jonathan shoots the shiz with Kevin. Sadly, we are treated to a montage of last weeks disastrous (for all humanity) auditions of the Pussycat Dolls, and another sampling of the most AWESOME SONG EVER "Don't cha." You know what would be premium is if the stylists went to a karaoke joint and had SCOTT sing "Don't cha."
Done laughing?
How bout now?
Ok, collect yourselves it wasn't that funny.
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Comments (15)
By the way, this recap was up late because of my forgetfulness to post it. So don't blame The Qwertz...
1 of 15 | Posted by B-Side
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Posted on April 12, 2006 12:50 AM
Blair Warner? ROFL! Good one!
I totally enjoyed Blow Out last season, but GOOD LORD, when did Jonathan get SO annoying to watch? I actually could stomach him last year..thought he was a nice guy..good to his help..etc etc...this year, it's painful....He is so full of himself.. His hairstyles look no different from those given at BoRicks, or your neighborhood franchise salon. He thinks his "art" is SO GREAT, and I just dont see it. The women that go into his salon are typical L.A....full of themselves, fake boobs, etc.
Half of them just missed being pretty....ICK...I feel icky after I watch an episode. TOP CHEF RULES!
2 of 15 | Posted by Trixie
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Posted on April 12, 2006 7:41 AM
Now I don't know nuthin bout no hairdos, (being a woman and all who has had hair for approx 31 years), but is it just me or does Jonathan do the same "pseudo-Rachel Green" every. single. time?
This is worth $700? Dry your hair upside down, buy a fat curling iron for pete's sake and be done with it for $20.
3 of 15 | Posted by k37744
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Posted on April 12, 2006 8:29 AM
#3, YES! i always thought it turns out very jennifer aniston season two and three of friends!
the only variation jonathan has is when he give the women more stringy things coverering their faces!
4 of 15 | Posted by jash
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Posted on April 12, 2006 8:34 AM
jash-
you just validated my day.
thank you.
now lets sell our cars and go get our hair done!
5 of 15 | Posted by k37744
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Posted on April 12, 2006 8:49 AM
...and stop drinking?
ha! good luck with that!
6 of 15 | Posted by jash
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Posted on April 12, 2006 8:56 AM
true dat.
a hyundai, some pabst and split ends. my pussycat dolls tryout didn't go so well.
7 of 15 | Posted by k37744
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Posted on April 12, 2006 9:09 AM
Why hasn't anyone commented on the crazy blond girl from the Pussycat Doll tryouts? You know...the one with the "Sugar Daddy" song? She drove me crazy with her weird Paris Hilton-like giggle and her weird shaky dance.
I love/hate that the Blow Out people included her little song with the "scenes from last week" part of this episode. Really, did they HAVE to remind us yet AGAIN that Jonathon's sister is the head honcho of the Pussycat Dolls?
8 of 15 | Posted by Shelzy
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Posted on April 12, 2006 9:48 AM
I agree, #3 and Jash, the 'Jonathan' consists of drying your hair out with a large round brush, then curling it, then brushing those curls out, f'n genius. If I went there I think I would be very disapointed to pay $700 to have his assistant wash and dry my hair, then have him show up to brush out the curls and move them around. But, the more I see hte stylist putting in those color estensions, the more I want a blue streak on the side of my head. Brings back memories of dying my hair with koolaid.
9 of 15 | Posted by hardly@work
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Posted on April 12, 2006 10:31 AM
Good recap, The Qwertz!
I loved the show last season and thought Jonathan was a nice guy too but now he's way too annoying. I will continue watching the season though because it's just so funny how seriously he takes himself. A haircut for $500 to $700? US DOLLARS??? Wtf.
10 of 15 | Posted by stacyrocks
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Posted on April 12, 2006 10:48 AM
Oh Jonathan, I too, am sooo ovah you.
11 of 15 | Posted by msCCRN
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Posted on April 12, 2006 12:36 PM
jonathan told jason to put on an XL t-shirt b/c the small one accentuated his mantits.
12 of 15 | Posted by grifter
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Posted on April 12, 2006 1:10 PM
$700? Really? I don't spend $700 a YEAR on getting my hair cut/done. These people seriously need to take a look at their lives when they spend that kind of money and find something better to spend it on.
And when did his price go up, anyway? I mean, wasn't it $300 - 500 before?
I'm over Jonathan - that's for sure.
13 of 15 | Posted by livemusicjunkie
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Posted on April 12, 2006 3:21 PM
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought paying $700 to get your hair done was outrageous. To make matters even worse, the hair doesn't even look that good. If I was that blonde woman, I'd refuse to pay the $700, maybe paying $50 max. Johnathan would have to take me on another reality show, like Judge Judy or Judge Joe Brown to get the other $650.
14 of 15 | Posted by Aries
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Posted on April 13, 2006 11:56 AM
What is it with Blowhard's haircuts always looking like something from 1970's porno? Can anyone tell the difference between the "before" and "after" shots, for that matter?
15 of 15 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on April 19, 2006 6:01 AM