This week our boys have to box with a porn star and then they get to rough it in the woods for what may be the longest two days of their burgeoning reality star lives. And, yes, the title I chose for this episode is from Chris P, our future "Last Comic Standing" reject. That's right. Neuter Boy made a funny! But before we get our hopes up for a comedy filled episode, I must reveal how disappointed I am.
I was hoping for this.
And got this instead.
It only took me one camping trip to quit the Girl Scouts and I think that some of the remaining five would have agreed with me. Is there anything worse than sleeping next to someone smelly and then cleaning the latrine after breakfast? Yes there is. Something much worse, according to Frankie and Sleazy T. You see, in their rarified manly world of Ed Hardy Tshirts and chest waxing, there is nothing worse than MISSING "THE SOUP" ON TUESDAYS!!!! Maybe they're missing it because IT AIRS ON FRIDAYS! Douchebags.
So, they will have to do their hanging-on with each other because Alpha Male is taking the boys camping and beleive me, it's way too butch for these two. Your grandma could handle it but these two would cry without their soy lattes and Aveda face creams.
The boys pile into the van for their Bro-venture and it starts off with beers in a biker bar. In walks their 250 pound surprise, looking like he just walked out of a 'Tom of Finland' illustration. I give you Mario aka Reno, who is in real life, a genuine porn star.
So. Who wants to shit their pants first?
Our little boys begin to quiver when they realize that they have to get into the ring with this guy. Brody's excuse for this totally unnecessary pants pissing exercise? It's simple, really. Brody is not a fighter but things can get hairy out there in scary Hollywood clubland. Who knows what kind of crackwhore might go medieval on your ass at Winston's or Hyde just because you wouldn't share your bottle of Belvedere with them? Brody needs someone to keep them away from him and drag them by their weave to the parking lot, where, if they're lucky, they'll get a blow job from the bimbo without getting vomit all over their balls. See what the winner has to look forward to? Good times, good times.
Gary does splits before his match because, well, he's Gary. He gets thrown over the ropes in a little over a minute. Next we have Femi who seems to be so scared that he can't even come up with a suitable animalian (that's right. I can make up words too)metaphor.
Felis Domestica, Catus Terrifiedium.
He doesn't last much longer than Gary, perhaps because he flails his arms around like nothing I've ever seen in any episode on Animal Planet. Dude, if you really were an animal you'd be extinct with those survival skills. Or at the very bottom of the food chain. Oh wait, you are! Help me out, Gasmii. Is there anything lower? Tool Academy, maybe.
Neuter Boy has a tactic, just like any other small kid who grew up with only one option- RUN!! Run your little ass off until it's time to curl up into a little ball. Watching this part was like watching the beginning of Monty Python where the giant foot comes down and squashes everything under it. Alex lasts almost 3 minutes and actually throws some punches that make contact but he is no Bahston Luke. This fahkin' spunky little street fightah actually picks up Porny Tail and drops him on the mat! Holy Clam Chowdah, Luke me boy! Twunty like, Twunty like a laht! He wins, of course, and Brody promises "a little something special later." Are they gonna circle jerk to one of Porny Tail's movies? Oh please, God, please. I've been good!
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Comments (4)
Too much fun, Twunty! Much much better job this time around, this one's a credit to your talents, way to go, girl!
love, J-Mo :)
1 of 4 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on January 22, 2009 5:55 AM
Let me start by saying I actually think Brody is a good-looking dude, no homo...
"For dessert, can I suck yah cahk?" - Pure Genius and full of teh lulz!
And for some odd reason I actually enjoy this beyond-homoerotic show, pure lulz everytime I watch it.
Thank you McSlore for the awesome recap, keep up the good work!
2 of 4 | Posted by lydecah89 | Posted on January 22, 2009 6:23 AM
Thanks, J-Mo and lydecah. I appreciate the positive feedback. Much love back atcha. It took me a little while to get used to the format of writing these recaps and I respect your opinions, especially when they are so sweet. You made my day! Thanks again. (See, I'm not all snark all the time!) Big kiss.
3 of 4 | Posted by twunty mcslore | Posted on January 22, 2009 2:01 PM
I hate this show so much it just keeps building up on my DVR.
Great recap, now I can delete them guilt free :)
4 of 4 | Posted by Nemesiis | Posted on January 22, 2009 4:28 PM