As we know from the previews, Brody has lined up a hoax for this week. It involves the aforementioned bedazzled jeans that only the douchiest of Ed Hardy/Smet douchebags would wear, and a little walk on the red carpet to promote them. But first things first. We head off to the spa at Sofitel for a little manscaping! Do guys in L.A. seriously go to spas and get mani-pedis? Has metrosexuality taken over our big cities? I understand waxing a hairy back or a unibrow but if my man comes home with shinier nails than mine I'd have to go all Clockwork Orange on his ass and lock him in the basement with his eyelids peeled back watching a constant stream of Clint Eastwood movies until he begs for mercy. Only then would he get his man card back.

As "Pretty Girls" plays in the background, the boys line up at the manicurist's table because Brody woke up that morning and asked himself, "What would Ryan Seacrest do?" They all submit good naturedly and Luke sings "a nip nip here and a clip clip there," no doubt preparing himself for a future in musical theater and a beating from all the boys back at the local bah back in Bahston. He can always take Neuter Boy home with him so he can distract the guys with his pathetic comic styling.

A Filipino, two douchebags and Bahston Luke walk into a bar........and get their asses kicked.

Three of the guys finish up quickly but Bahston Luke isn't so lucky. Oh, no. In a scene not at all reminiscent of The 40 Year Old Virgin, he is brought onto a room for a little chest wax job. He chooses this moment to say goodbye to his nipples by playing with them.

"If I rub them three times, will I be home again?"

He lays down on the table and proceeds to recite every single line that came out of Steve Carrell's mouth but adds his own little zinger about needing a mouthpiece or something to bite down on to deal with the pain. How about you kiss my ass instead, sucka? Now you know what it feels like, what we women endure so that we look like 14 year old girls down there and you don't have to worry about getting any of those nasty pubes in your mouth. And may I suggest simulated childbirth next? I'll do the episiotomy!

Once they're done with their spa trip they head off to the penthouse to try on the jeans for Beth, the fake jeans designer. She looks like one of those ladies that read Tarot cards at the Jersey Shore or the local crazy wiccan lady who makes dolls out of squirrel fur and Navajo beads, and only eats food that starts with the letter 'P'. (Thanks, mom! It was fun growing up with a diet of peanuts, possum and prairie dogs!)

Neuter Boy looks extremely uncomfortable. A lifetime of playing Nintendo only prepared him for evenings with a flashlight and a well-worn copy of Juggs, not wearing jeans that even an African orphan would refuse to put on. Luke is told that he can't wear underwear with them and he remarks that if he wore those jeans at home, his boys would give him an old school beatin'. Methinks you'll be getting that beating anyway, Chowdah Head. We have a shot of Alex's butt crack that I could do without and Femi gamely tries them on before realizing that his Lion doesn't quite fit in the cage. Here's hoping that they all got shaved back at the spa because there's nothing fun about getting your carpet stuck in a zipper. At least they don't have to worry about their balls getting stuck. Brody took those away before the second episode.

The ghost of Liberace threw up in The Gap again.

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Posted in Bromance by Twunty McSlore at 3:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: alex_w on Jan 29, 2009 08:50 AM.