Hello, Gasmii! I am Twunty and I will be your guide as we traipse down L.A. way to enjoy the Slack-tacularly Douche-alistic Homo-erotic Dude-a-thon that is Bromance.

Brody Jenner, as most of you know, is the son of Bruce Jenner, was a onetime paramour of Lauren Conrad and has appeared on The Hills and Keeping up with the Kardashians. He is good looking, doesn't look like he smells or has manscaping issues, has no trouble getting the ladies (no roofies required) and is about to have nine guys fall madly in love with him, hence the title. Okay, I lie, sort of. They just want to be his friend and have a little of that Brody magic rub off on them.

Every guy wants to be Brody. He is their Zen God, their snatch catching master and, more than likely, their fast track to reality TV fame. So here they are! Our Bromancers:

Luke

Beer drinking, Bahston accented regular guy. Why is he on this show? He's likable and my personal pick to win Brody's heart.

Jacob

He's the shady fame seeker. The kind of guy who never buys his own cigs and takes money out of his mom's purse. Oh, and he sells women's shoes. I smell a virgin.

Jered

Missing 99.9% of his brain cells. Has a degree in Criminal Justice which means that this genius may arrest you some day. Unless he shoots himself first.

Femi

He thinks he's got game, talks himself up to the sky, but you know there is a sweet kid in there who got beat up a lot because his parents named him FEMI! Further proof- he's a nurse.

Chris P.

Seems like a sweet country boy but he is the president of his frat so he better have hi-jinks up his sleeves. He's kind of bland. Like the guy your parents wanted you to marry.

Chris F.

Chris F. has the looks of the smartypants who helped you with your Calculus homework and was a great Biology partner but had zero sex appeal. Turns out that he wants to do stand-up. Make me laugh, kid! We'll call him Neuter Boy.

Gary

He is the goofball of the bunch. He looks like Beeker crossed with Bozo with a healthy dose of Larry Appleton thrown in. AND he has a BFA in jazz dance. Oh. God. Help. us.

Alex

He's a big lug. He has that I'm your big brother, I'm going to protect you vibe. Looks like every guy in every beer commercial, only less memorable.

Michael

Aka, Tweezerman. The token gay. Love him, but he better be doing drag on the weekends or there is no excuse for those eyebrows.

And we're off. It starts off with a Swat Team style wake-up call that is priceless for two reasons- the pathetic half awake terror on almost everyone's face and the embarrassment of morning wood. It seems very annoying and totally unnecessary which makes perfect sense, given the frat house atmosphere of it all. What's next? Writing on people with Sharpies when they're passed out? Hazing the boys with paddle spankings? (Thank you Brody, may I have another!)

So the Swat Team drags them into their low rent Bro-mansion wearing black hoods and underpants, to ensure their humiliation when they meet their Alpha male, Brody. Pleasantries aside, it is time for their first challenge, and surprise! It involves girls and lingerie. Something we all know that Broda knows a thing or two about. Teach you to get their panties off, I will!

First: My favorite thing about the house.

For those of you who had any doubt that this was a sausage fest.

Each guy must procure two girls from the mean streets if Los Angeles to attend a Fredericks of Hollywood lingerie party. The guy who brings the hottest girls wins. Sounds simple enough, right? Not so, Gasmii, not so. Girls in L.A. have standards, you know.

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Posted in Bromance by Twunty McSlore at 5:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: slutty_whore on Jan 9, 2009 09:43 AM.