My beloved Tweezerman has no problem at all getting his hoes lined up because it is a crazy twist of nature that gay guys always get the best girls. Don't believe me? Pick one as your wingman and you will never want for poonana ever again. Just be prepared to let him suck on your twig and berries every once in a while and learn to like poppers and Anderson Cooper and you're all set.
On the other hand, the smack talking so-called lady's men and the nerds are striking out spectacularly. Tweezerman to the rescue! He spots a Hooters restaurant and drags Beeker and Neuter Boy with him where they score some babes who have probably never met a random party or jell-o shot they didn't like. Yay, nerds!
Jacob, though, has as much trouble as you would expect someone to have when they live in their Grandfather's basement and smell women's feet all day. All the lies in the world can't save this fool, or get a girl to look at him without that "I have mace in my purse and I'm not afraid to use it" expression. I have a feeling this isn't the first time he's been looked at in that way, and it wont be the last. Until he comes out of the closet, of course. Then he'll get all the chicks he can handle. (see above)
It's back to the house where we get a shot of this fabulous new invention, The Can-fessional!
Baring your soul in front of a camera while you sit on the toilet is beyond genius. I believe that the minimum alcohol intake for anyone on a reality show is a liter of vodka and a twelve pack, so you can drink, piss, vomit, wipe your mouth and trash the other dudes all in one place! Thank you, MTV!
I haven't mentioned Frankie or Sleazy T up to this point because they are hangers-on who, frankly, bore me. And I don't buy the hissy fit that Frankie threw about not getting why Brody needed another friend when he already had Frankie, his bestie in the whole wide world. Frankie was smiling the whole time! Frankly, Frankie needs some acting lessons. Enough Franks for ya? If not, there's still this one:
Please, oh please let there be a hotdog eating contest next week.
Gary's all excited to be on TV! Watch him emote!
Seriously, can someone remake the TV show "Perfect Strangers" for this guy?
On to the lingerie party. Once again, the nerds smoke the dudes. And Brody is surprisingly nice in this bit. Likable, even. He doesn't come off as the least bit condescending or mean. Gee, I hope this changes. What am I supposed to do with nice? God did not make me snarky for Brody effing Jenner to mess it up! There's still time, I guess.
At the nine o'clock deadline there are only two guys with no girls that showed up. Femi and fratboy Chris P. I hope they don't cry. Wait. Yes I do. But they don't. Drat.
After enough T&A shots to make Joe Francis proud, they are all asked to make a toast to Brody. Somebody raps, somebody break dances, Jacob drops f-bombs like the drunken tool he is, and Luke wins the challenge by bringing the hottest girls (disputable) and Chris P. had the coolest t-shirt (undeniable):
I'll take two, size small, please.
Here comes the sad part. I was soooo looking forward to week after week of Tweezerman showing the breeders how it's done, but he bailed! He was expecting Lauren Conrad and got Eric Stratton instead. I choose to look on the bright side. When a show is too homoerotic for the gay guy, you know you have reality TV gold. Goodbye, Tweezerman! I'll miss you. Like a moth to a flamer, my friend!
Moving along, we head on over to the Bro-Pad, a Penthouse of ridiculous proportions, for eliminations. HOT TUB eliminations. They file into the water one by one creating a soup of squirming, beyond uncomfortable, half naked straight guys who are scared to death that they might accidentally touch one another. They stare at their Alpha Male with wide eyed worship, pleading for mercy. Let me stay, let me stay! And it looks like they actually mean it.
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Comments (5)
Tweezerman isn't the only idiot on this show that tweezes his eyebrows...(which isn't what makes them idiots, by the way).
This show is just awful...and not funny in any way. It's such a stupid concept in the first place...they could have made it tolerable with a funny script...
Maybe when the guys start crying I'll be able to tolerate the lame frat-style crap.
1 of 5 | Posted by dani2526 | Posted on January 7, 2009 6:41 PM
Love that Brody was ashamed of Jacob because he was out of control and got too "bolliterated" at the party.
2 of 5 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on January 8, 2009 11:58 AM
Dani- I agree, it is pretty awful but making fun of it is a joy unto itself.
DP Hooker- I noticed that creative wordage myself. A combination of belligerent and obliterated, perhaps? Brody should probably lay off the booze before his Couch-fessional.
Thanks for your input!
3 of 5 | Posted by twunty mcslore | Posted on January 8, 2009 4:42 PM
Yay! Thank God you decided to recap this show.
I wanted to recap it but I have a feeling I would have been way too nice since Brody is so sweet.
Really, he surprises me in this show. Just wait for the next episode.
I too think that Bahstin Luke is going to win because he'd actually fit into their group.
4 of 5 | Posted by kissmymanolos | Posted on January 9, 2009 9:19 AM
Can I just say, as a lover of TGIF, your Larry Appleton reference made me giggle with delight! Any reference to the best. sitcom. ever (Perfect Strangers) makes me smile! Thanks for that!
5 of 5 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on January 9, 2009 9:43 AM