Testimonials

The boyz head off to the make-up trailer where they prepare for their big commercial debut. And by prepare, I mean that Warren flirts with the stylists as they put sideburns, and then a big mustache on his grinning face. This little display solidifies my belief that Warren is no "manager" at all, but some little side kick that hangs around. He's the entourage.

I'M MANAGER OF BIG ASS 'STACHES.

And while Warren's off dickin' around, Shwayze's doing some serious business, calling the DMV to figure out what he's going to do about his car. Who let him make such grown up phone calls with no supervision? How is he supposed to get through it without Cisco n' pals?

I WANT CAR NOW. HELP ME, NICE LADY.

Meanwhile, the boyz are proving that you can never underestimate the joys of mustache wearing, as they put it on Dave from the record label.

MWA HA HA

Once all of this mustache play and DMV-calling is finished, Shwayze learns he owes over $500 in fines, and Warren's got a weird rash on his face. Oh, and then they film a commercial for the rest of the day.

With that incredibly taxing feat behind them, its time for the boyz to go out and celebrate. They are joined this evening by actual-manager Jordan, the CEO of Shwayze's record label. They're not two sips into their beers before Warren's asking when they get money.

"Well," Jordan explains, "First the commercial actually has to air before you get residual checks. And then Shwayze has to actually finish his album."

AND THEN I TAKE MY 60% OFF THE TOP. AND THEN I USE WHAT'S LEFT TO PAY MY KIDS' ALLOWANCE. AND THE REST IS YOURS.

"Mmm hmm. Yeah that's interesting," Shwayze dismisses Jordan's whole explanation. "So can I get an advance?" Of course Jordan wants to keep giving you money when you spend your days sitting around Cisco's house instead of recording the album you promised him. Work ethic is overrated!

Just kidding. Jordan reminds Shwayze that he already got a pretty hefty advance, which he's managed to spend on God knows what. Because he's certainly not spending it on parking tickets.

"You finish the album, you get paid." Jordan is firm.

And that seems to light a fire under Shwayze's ass because the next day he's back in the studio.

DOLLAH DOLLAH BILLS Y'ALL

Jordan drops by to see how his little investment is doing, and he's pleased with what he's hearing. And he's even happier when he hears Cisco's idea to use the irrepressible Dave Navarro for a guitar solo on the last song of the album.

But before Jordan can get outta there, Shwayze comes up to him asking, again for money. He begs for $1000 to get his car out. Way to double the bill, Sh-Dog. Jordan hands him a big wad of bills. Problem resolved, right?

No of course not! There's still like half a show to go.

Here's the part where we launch into the Pocket spiel. With his shiny new stack of hundreds, Shwazye happily prances up to Warren to tell him that he can get his car back. Warren perks up and tells Shwayze that they're going to use that money to go out in Hollywood.

"But it's for my car."

"You don't need all of it."

"Yeah, but."

"Put 600 in your left pocket for the car. Put 400 in your right pocket. Don't dip into your left pocket. Just use what's in your right pocket."

YOU KNOW WHAT, LET'S JUST MAKE THIS SIMPLE. PUT THE 400 IN MY POCKET.

Oh Shwayze, you pushover! You know this is going to end badly! Actually, I take that back. You have no idea this is going to end badly, and that's precisely what's wrong with you.

So the boyz all head out for a night on the town, sponsored by Pontiac! Well, sponsored by Shwayze. But they're really one and the same.

Warren and Cisco have Shwayze buying rounds of shots for everyone, despite the poor guy's better judgement. They're dipping into his precious Right Pocket so frequently they're forced to come up with an abbreviated name, R.P.

What I don't get is why Cisco's making his little pal pay for all of this when he's the one with all the money. A friend indeed!

Later the gang heads to the after party in one of the suites at the Roosevelt Hotel. It's here that we witness Warren's terrible excuse for game. He's all up in some girl's face, using the line "I want you to be my straight vodka for the night." What?

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Posted in Buzzin by HollywoodSucker at 7:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Last Comment: chelle on Aug 4, 2008 11:06 AM.