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And then when she doesn't respond, likely because she is completely confused, he presses on. "So will you be? Is that a yes? Is that a yes?"

IT DOESN'T MATTER, I ALREADY SLIPPED YOU A ROOFIE, SWEET THANG

As the evening rages on, Cisco decides it's time to settle their skyrocketing bar tab. He offers to pay for the room if Shwayze covers the drinks. But wait! That will mean dipping into his Left Pocket! But that's off limits.

Shwayze consults Warren on the matter because Warren always gives such superb, selfless advice. Looking around the room, Warren comments that they've come so far! They can't quit now. They simply MUST dip into the Left Pocket for the good of humanity.

It may have seemed like a good idea at the time, but like so many decisions made during a drunken night, by light of day it's clear everyone involved is an idiot. And now the morning after the party, Warren learns that he owes almost $600 for his night of debauchery. That's nearly his whole Left Pocket!

JUST BILL MY RECORD LABEL

To top it all off, Shwazye's stuck at the hotel with no money for a cab. And Dave Navarro will be at Cisco's studio any minute now to record his guitar solo. This is another fine mess you've gotten yourself into, eh Shwayze?

Desperate, he calls the ever-so-helpful Warren, who is passed out on Cisco's couch. He tells him he needs him to come pick him up ASAP. Warren wonders when Shwayze is going to get his car from the impound lot.

"I spent all my money."

"No you spent one pocket, you still have another pocket."

"I have no pockets left."

"Damn. Well get in a cab and meet me half way. We don't have a lot of time."

"I only have $12."

"Tell the driver you want $12 worth of Sunset heading west."

Somehow Shwayze and Warren have managed to replace all nouns with other nouns in this here conversation.

Shwayze does as he's told and hails a cab. That poor driver doesn't know he's about to waste his time taking him $12 worth of nowhere and getting no tip.

YO HOMES TO BEL-AIR!

Once Shwayze's run up his $12 of cabness, he's left standing on a corner. Minutes later, Warren picks him up and they race back to Cisco's.

Problem is, Dave Navarro has already shown up, and with his inconceivably busy schedule he can't afford to wait around for amateurs like Sh-Dog.

I'VE GOT CAMEOS ON LIKE 6 OTHER REALITY SHOWS TODAY, BROSEPH

Cisco tries to stall him as long as he can, even offering to "take a jacuzzi" with him. Dave Navarro obviously turns down the offer. But I'm not so much concerned with Cisco's advances as I am by his phrasing. Is "take a jacuzzi" and expression? Like take a bath? Just wondering.

Finally, Warren and Shwayze show up, with only seconds to spare before Navarro gives up and bounces.

Now it's time to bust a move in the studio and finish off this album.

AND THAT IS HOW YOU DO AWESOME, BITCHES

Once they wrap for the day, it's time to get back to that little matter of the impounded car and the unfortunate absence of the thousand bucks that was meant to take care of it. Lucky for Shwayze, Navarro is there to mediate. "I'd spend a thousand bucks on a girl at the Roosevelt over a car any day. The car's gonna be there, the girl might not still be there."

Can't argue with that logic, I guess. And so Jordan forgives the frivolous spending of his hard earned dough, and even hands out another $5000 as a bonus for completing the album.

BUT THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL YOU'RE GETTING A SECOND ALBUM OUT OF ME, YOU FREELOADER

With a fresh wad of cash in his left or right pocket, it's time for Shwayze to finally get his car out of the lot.

It's been a long and winding road. Full of ill-advised spending of other people's money and near-missed opportunities for career advancement.

But I'm sure Shwayze has learned his lesson.

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Posted in Buzzin by HollywoodSucker at 7:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Last Comment: chelle on Aug 4, 2008 11:06 AM.