I'm not going to launch into a big claptrap about how the reality TV genre changed the face of television forever (I'll leave that to Communications majors with a thesis to write), but I will say this: it's certainly good at making up new celebrities and pushing them on us.
You've got your shows like American Idol and Project Runway that make real life people into celebrities. And then you have Surreal Life and Rock Of Love that turn has-been celebrities into somewhat relevant celebrities again for one final hurrah before they fade away forever.
But now there's something else. Something that deals with not-quite-celebrities-yet. A seriously contrived show that follows around Shwayze and Cisco, two guys that are sort of famous. The show's called Buzzin' and it leaves me wondering if these guys will still qualify for the has-been shows of the future or if they've cashed in their reality stardom passes too soon.
So who are these people? It's these two guys:
WERD TO YO MUTHA
Shwayze is some guy who became friends with Cisco Adler, a Malibu native and the son of Lou Adler, a record producer who worked with Carole King and The Mamas and The Papas (yes I Wikipedia'd that). And now the two of them make songs together and Shwayze has a new record deal.
And that pretty much brings us up to date.
We get a little glimpse of the two of them performing a concert. There's nothing noteworthy here, except this douche in the front row, singing into his imaginary microphone.
DO THAT ON YOUR OWN TIME
Shwayze, like most hip-hop artists, was raised on the streets. He is from a trailer park in Malibu. Now I know what you're thinking. How bad can a trailer park overlooking the ocean and situated in a wealthy community possibly be?
DA VIEW FROM DA HOOD
It's actually pretty nice, from the looks of it. And Shwayze is quick to get defensive about his background. "It's not like Eminem 8 Mile trailer park, but a trailer park nonetheless." Why do you have to be like that, Shwayze? I mean, this is waterfront property here! If you're from nice place, just be from a nice place. Stop pretending.
If you ask me, I think he should have played up the whole Malibu thing. People LOVE rich kids.
Next we learn that Cisco and Shwayze record their music at a studio in Cisco's house.
THERE WERE NO RECORDING STUDIOS IN THE TRAILER PARK. DON'T YOU FEEL BAD FOR ME?
By now you're probably wondering if you have tunnel vision. Don't be alarmed. You haven't taken too many pills, you're just experiencing the work of the Flip camera. The boyz were given the little pocket-sized camera to film their own misadventures. So this means that for much of the episode, you The Viewer gets to feel trapped in a box. That black fuzzy frame is almost always there. And there are few wide-shots to establish where we are. It's all close ups on faces and no perspective of where people are standing in relation to one another.
PLEASE SEND FOR HELP
It makes me feel claustrophobic. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I felt physically uncomfortable while watching this show. Although the sight of Cisco usually causes discomfort anyway. I can't tell if it's because he wears scarves or because his arms are skinnier than mine.
Their Entourage-like posse would not be complete without a hanger-on who calls himself a manager. To that end, we have Warren.
COME ON IN. WE'LL JUST CUDDLE, I PROMISE.
So Warren, what is it exactly that you do? "I separate the giraffes from the hippopotami," he explains. Really? What do you use to do so? Like a big stick?
Even though Shwayze is on the verge of stardom (or so MTV will have me believe), he's still broke and just trying to work hard and earn some money. His pal Cisco advises him otherwise. "Sometimes you gotta put your thing out to get your name out."
When I first watched this I ignored that comment because, frankly, it was stupid. But then my friend informed me that it's because a while back a picture of naked Cisco was all over the internet. And apparently this is the reason that Mischa Barton dumped him. Well, it was either because of the picture, or because his balls looked really gross in the picture. Either way, if I were Cis, I wouldn't be bringing that up. But I'm not him, and that makes me happy.
Looks like we've got quite the crazy crew to take us on some wild adventures. What's up first, boys?
Shwayze's music video taping!
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Comments (8)
Man this show just makes me miss Rob & Big even more. They better get funnier or so help me... haha
1 of 8 | Posted by eightyschica | Posted on July 27, 2008 5:35 PM
Man, I should have videotaped me and my buddies getting stoned back in the day. We could have sold our stuff to MTV and shown ourselves as the complete idiots we were on international television too.
Wait...they didn't have MTV back then. Didn't even have (affordable) video cameras.
Another reason to celebrate being older.
2 of 8 | Posted by itchy | Posted on July 27, 2008 11:45 PM
ONE SHEET'S FITTED AND THE OTHER ONE'S THE NORMAL KIND. HOLLAH
Awesome. Thanks for keeping me entertained and trying not to laugh out loud in my cubicle with yet another fantastic tvgasm recap!
3 of 8 | Posted by becca5782 | Posted on July 29, 2008 10:21 AM
I have zero plans to actually watch this show, but hilarious recap :) Will definitely look forward to next week ...
(sorry MTV thats officially the closest I'll get to anything associated with ugly balls on the internet!) :)
I think I'm actually a fan of DJ Sheet Sheet ... now that guy, Skeet Skeet, not so much
4 of 8 | Posted by chelle | Posted on July 29, 2008 12:28 PM
If I buy the gun, the ammo, and notarize the document saying it's alright to shoot me on site, will someone put me out of my misery for know this information. But didn't that Cisco guy once date Mischa Barton and have really big nipples and/or testicles? Or something of that nature. Am I the only one who remembers that? Bless my heart
5 of 8 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on July 29, 2008 12:51 PM
At first I thought the DJ's name was DJ Skeet Skeet, and I was like that's not a good name to have. Anyone that doesn't know what that means needs to look it up.
This show is definately not as funny as Rob & Big. I wish MTV would pay me to get stoned out with my friend and then videotape it.
6 of 8 | Posted by bigjr6633 | Posted on July 29, 2008 2:00 PM
It looks like filth is still fun for some people... and Jesus-hair NEVER goes out of style (just ask Jesus!).
Maybe the DJ's name was really DJ Cheat Sheet, or DJ Cliff's Notes or DJ Dum Dum... what's a Skeet, and why does it repeet?
Ugh, please someone tell me the next time these guys are in town, I want to leave first.
love, J-Mo :)
7 of 8 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 30, 2008 2:16 PM
To Skeet Skeet means to ejaculate on someone. That's why I was so worried that his name was DJ Skeet Skeet, but it's DJ Sheet Sheet.
As a DJ, he should've known better to name him something so close to skeet skeet, hopefully this will helpful to anyone who wanted to know what skeet skeet meant.
8 of 8 | Posted by bigjr6633 | Posted on July 31, 2008 11:25 AM