Welcome back to the land of the privileged and delusional! I know you all couldn't wait to get back to Cashmere Mafia, where the gender stereotypes abound like the designer clothes and the bad writing soars like my credit card debt. It's a good day to be alive, people. We're planning a sanctioned affair, talking more girl-on-girl and getting some Krista Allen up in here to cause trouble! This show may be the worst idea since Forever Eden, but it's fun when you take the ride on my magic carpet. Let's go!
Ah, to the fresh sounds of lovable pop sensation Mika, we open on each of our four friends getting ready for the day. Caitlin and Zoe rummage through Mary Poppins-style carpet bags which rival the worst of junk drawers, while stone cold Juliet and Mia revel in organized closets containing perfectly folded designer clothes and new Gucci handbags still in boxes. I realize we live in a polarity universe and all, and therefore I'm either an uptight and bitchy woman or an unhinged and scattered woman, but watching this show is like taking one big never ending YM quiz. What kind of girl are YOU? A crazy gal down for anything or a no-nonsense go-getter?? You rule!!
For all of you not watching at home, Caitlin has what appears to be a professional grade hairdryer in her handbag. And for the record, I recently found a report card from third grade and some old Manic Panic hair dye, so I'm clearly one of the wacky gals, who's also still resting on those primary school laurels and not quite out of that teen angst phase yet.
And we're off to the races, people. Mia is starting day one as publisher and, man, is it AWESOME to be her. She's got a roomful of gifts waiting for her, like she's got the Christ child in tow. Howard Stern delivered her muffins, the mayor sent her something, too. I don't believe it. I recently saw Bloomberg on Celebrity Apprentice and I know he comes by in person to give his approval. But, the best thing of all, the pièce de résistance, is the three foot tall tree full of sunglasses! It's a metaphor, y'all. Her future is so bright she has to wear, like, three hundred shades!
But can you TOP THAT, Lucy Liu??
Apparently the plant that blossoms Ray Ban flowers is from Valerie Cherish's husband, Mark, who left Val, moved to New York and became gay. Okay, maybe I'm still too attached to The Comeback and its untimely death five years later, but I demand to know: who cast this man to play gay?? Because his brain has clearly computed "act gay" to mean "act super creepy". I mean, is anyone else feeling violated just looking at the guy?
In Mark's mind, every gay hug begins with a sizing up of the muffin top.
So moving onto Zoe's life, we get the best news ever: God has sent Krista Allen down to show these bitches how it's done. So, let's admit it: Krista Allen is a hot piece and we've all had a soft spot for her because she's had an uphill battle getting some credibility in this world. As it turns out, starting out your career stripping down in Emanuelle movies and then following up that slick move by playing Girl #214 in George Clooney's Real Life doesn't garner the respect you might think. We feel your pain, because who could have seen that one coming? (And who can forget that scene in Unscripted where she goes to meet a director she thinks wants her for a great role in his movie, and it turns out he really wants her son in the movie. Awk-ward! Who was that director, by the way? Does anyone remember? Another show I loved that made the viewer cringe for thirty minutes straight.) So, homegirl knows how to take it and I dig that. Heart you BIGTIME, K-Al. You know who I don't heart? Everyone else on this show.
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Comments (3)
IS, I made the mistake of watching the pilot, and will not make that mistake again. However, skipping your recaps would be a mistake. Well Done! Now you have to tell me that Krista Allen is on the show? Damn, now I may have to watch again! Did anyone see her on "Project Greenlight" when they cast her in the horror movie and she got all taken aback when they wanted her to go topless or show pokies through her tshirt? Hilarious. . . like she was freaking Helen Mirren or something.
Funny to see her coming on board . . . kinda like when Aaron Spelling brought Heather Locklear on to "Melrose Place" to save that ship when it was sinking, but even then it took 2 or 3 seasons before desperate measures were called for, not 2 or 3 episodes.
1 of 3 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on January 22, 2008 8:04 AM
BTW, I'm seeing all these ads for a show called "Lipstick Jungle", which looks like the same goddamn show.
2 of 3 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on January 22, 2008 8:06 AM
Supersonic, idiotic, disconnecting, not respecting, who would ever really wanna go and top that...
I loved Teen Witch as a kid! The summer of 1990 my best friend and I watched Teen Witch, Dirty Dancing & Pretty Woman over and over.
Now I have to go watch all of the Teen Witch clips on youtube!
I cannot stand to watch this show, but I am enjoying your recaps.
3 of 3 | Posted by isabell | Posted on January 24, 2008 11:13 PM