Testimonials

Krista plays Victoria and she is a breath of fresh air from our go-getting set. She's all track suits and smug smiles and she is totally one of the stay-at-home moms I hang out with at the Brentwood Country Mart. (At least I pretend I'm one of them when I go there. Mental visioning, people. I learned it from The Secret.) Anyway, we immediately know that Krista wants to make a move on Zoe's man when she tells Zoe that her husband is "adorable". That's blue chip Manhattan-speak for "I wanna take him down to Chinatown". Yes, girl, yes. Take him down to Chinatown. On behalf of all five viewers at home, we want to see you take him way down.

I'll be having sex with your husband. Thanks!

We have some stupid pseudo lesbian banter between Caitlin and Vanessa from Six Feet Under which in this day and age not even grandmothers in Flyover Land are buying, so go home, girls. Thanks for playing.

After Gray's Cilla incident, Juliet and Gray are finally in therapy. And it's not smiles times, gang. Watching therapy on television has to be a level of hell in Dante's Inferno, or at least mine. Even in The Sopranos my eyes would roll back in my head every time Tony told Dr. Malfi about another freaking dream. May I please find a focus group to voice my opinion on this issue? Who thinks people whining about their problems makes for interesting television? (Needless to say, I won't be recapping that new Gabriel Byrne show.) It makes all attempts to solve problems through therapy seem trite, canned and boring. Please make it stop. And did these two get in their notes to act as unlikable as possible?

Juliet describes her and Gray as a "New York power couple". My apologies if that just made you throw up a little in your mouth. These people make me never want to get married, which would mean all my countless hours of MILF practicing at the Brentwood Country Mart are a complete waste of time and I'm not going out like that. I can no longer speak of them. Okay, I guess I have to, but it will be begrudgingly and passive-aggressively. Much like the relationship of these two.

See? Even your shrink thinks you suck.

Now it's back to Girls' Power Lunch and the girls are armed with the revenge sex spreadsheet for Juliet. And this must be one weak spreadsheet because they come up with the douchiest looking dude ever. In a classic move of the modern woman, they google (It's a verb now, people. Accept it.) his picture on the spot, and I can't say I don't do that myself. But this man needs to get his headshot from 1986 off the internet ASAP, because that kinda thing is embarrassing in, you know, 2008. Either way, I cannot wait to meet him. His name is Bobby Walsh (I accidently typed Nobby Walsh first, so that's going to be his name from here on out) and they call him "the one who got away", which is probably because he had to go back in time to get his Wham! album and Tawny Kitaen poster. Zing! Of note: it sounds funny when Lucy Liu says "booty-calling".

The other big news of the lunch is that Caitlin might be a lesbian. She hadn't mentioned her boring kiss from last episode and this sends the gals into a tizzy. Juliet is the one that doesn't get it while Mia just writes it off as Caitlin once again being totally trendy! Like you know how last season everyone wanted to get knocked up? Well, now all those preggo women are making out with other women! Lesbians are the new babies! (That's a direct quote.) I can't figure out if that's more retarded or offensive. Caitlin said to hold up because she's not ready to "join a union" yet and I think that someone should let her know that there's not actually a "gay union" to join.

Those people holding signs outside of Paramount everyday aren't gay, sweetie.

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Posted in Cashmere Mafia , Cashmere Mafia by InternetSensation at 6:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Last Comment: isabell on Jan 24, 2008 11:13 PM.