Testimonials

Gay Mark/Grant shows up to creep us out again and Clive, the stuffy British dude who promoted Mia, makes an office visit to tell her to fire Gay Mark, because he sucks as head of marketing, which is likely because I'm sure it's a full-time job making people feel molested every time they look at you. (By the way, who is above publisher of a media group? Does someone know what her boss's title would be other than Resident Douchebag?) Lucy Liu is all mangled because Gay Mark is her friend, but he's a sinking ship that doesn't notice he's on the payroll for something other than awkward quips, so he's toast and thank god.

Caitlin and Juliet engage in a lame phone conversation that anyone at home could write knowing that Caitlin is written as your average slut and Juliet is your average frigid bitch. Have at it! Basically the conversation ends in a surprise makeover for Juliet, which is really how all girls solve their problems. Seriously, I lost my wallet last week and let's just say I now know the joy that a perm and some tattooed eyeliner can bring when you're feeling a bit down.

And eff yeah, we're back to K-Al. And what the heck is she doing in NY in that track suit? She's so LA, I just want to scoop her up, bring her back home and take her to Pinkberry. She feeds Zoe's kids tofu and steamed veggies and took them to Build-A-Bear that day, where they made "Working Mom Bear", complete with a bluetooth and an "I'm-too-busy-for-you-kids!" catch phrase. Cue the violins, everybody, because this one is gonna melt Joan Crawford. Valerie insists she had nothing to do with it and Zoe is cowed. So hot. This show is convincing me that passive-aggressiveness is some kind of currency, in which case, I'm rich, bitch! (Dave Chappelle style) Oh, Zoe, she has beaten you into submission and now you must have dinner with her and your spouse the following evening where she will without a doubt hit on your husband in front of you. K-Al used to kill vampires naked.

You're a little out of your league here, sweetcheeks.

So Juliet now has her F*ck Me Hair, but she's still too chicken to call Nobby, so Caitlin does it for her and I think she's going to fax him a "circle yes or no" note, too. I know we discussed last week that this was like high school, but these "women" are now taking it to middle school. But, I can see why Juliet couldn't be bothered with Nobby herself, because she's got a full load being passive-aggressive with her husband. I sure am learning how to really be a great wife watching this show. Did I mention that I'm single, boys?

The mafia meets that night to catch everyone up on all the whackings and such and it turns out Caitlin lied to Nobby and told him that it's some "B-school reunion" when it's really just going to be him and Juliet. Just like a good organized crime captain! Again, if the captain were in sixth grade. And oh, what's this? In walks Zoe pouting about Working Mommy Bear. GO HOME, WOMAN! Maybe your kids wouldn't hate you so much if you went and played with them instead of crying into a martini about how much they don't like you! Dude. Maybe you should have practiced at the Brentwood Country Mart before you decided to procreate. They talk about starting a gang war between stay-at-homes and workings, but Mia quickly shuts it down because they have a reputation to uphold as weakest mafia evs.

I'll whack this bear. I swear I will!

And now, what we've all been waiting for: Dinner with K-Al and Adorable Husband! It's like she had a sixth sense that Zoe would be stuck at work! Valerie's husband's name is Strauss and I think that gives her carte blanche to make a pass at anyone not named Strauss. And, holy hell, she is coming in with guns blazing and propositions the poor sap within one minute! Oh, man. Even I underestimated her! She says he can redeem the coupon anytime and he doesn't shut it down. Well played all around.

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Posted in Cashmere Mafia , Cashmere Mafia by InternetSensation at 6:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Last Comment: isabell on Jan 24, 2008 11:13 PM.