Next day we see that Slutty Crazy Caitlin is STILL asleep at nine am, when she is supposed to be meeting her new client. La verité just doesn’t stop! We all know that Crazy Sluts don’t wake up before nine am! Turns out the client is a La-la-latina hottie (who I know is not Vanessa from Six Feet Under, but my brain always wants her to be every time she pops on screen.) Anyway, Alicia/Vanessa and Caitlin meet and the sparks are a-flyin’. Awkward banter, shy smiles. Yes sir! Not even halfway through the pilot and Mafia is already priming the pump for future lesbionics. After all, we are watching a show in 2007, and in 2007 ambitious sluts don’t discriminate between genders.
Then we have Juliet leaving the most awkward “sexy” message for her husband. She ends it by saying, “Big kiss.” Seriously, do married people talk like this? And by the way, her smug tone is dead giveaway that her pitch for sexy time is gonna backfire. And we don’t have to wait long for that. Next scene and we have her husband Davis rendezvous-ing with none other than Frenemy Cilla from yesterday’s power lunch! Ho, snap! Promises of girl-on-girl, extramarital affairs and this is just the pilot. I must say, if this is their starting point, I can’t wait to see where they go from here! Wheeee!
Please go here.
So the Lucy Liu and BB battle could not be a bigger snoozefest. They are wooing the same clients and obviously he can’t compete with Miss Sexy Power Pants so he gets mad and basically accuses her of playing like a man AND a woman, which means she expects to be treated like a man but uses her sexuality when it serves her. Really? It’s funny to me that he’s gotten this far in his career and HAS NEVER worked with a woman before. Basically it’s a segue for them to have nauseating sexual banter. Like, I feel like “I can’t decide if I want to ravage you or lock you in here till Friday”. Watching this show makes me want the writers to strike forever. Is American Gladiators really that bad?
Caitlin, ever pushing the envelope, shows up to...confession? WTF? She’s wearing hooker heels, pacing outside the church, freaked out about confessing that she might be gay because she found Vanessa from Six Feet Under attractive. W.T.F. Crazy Sluts don’t confess! Especially when there’s nothing to confess! Apparently this set up is to show us that her brother is the priest and he’s, like the coolest priest EVS! He assures her God won’t damn her to el infierno as long as she finds the “right person”. I didn’t realize that the Catholic lobby used their influence to get their new platform on shitty ABC shows, but point taken. When I explore my lesbian side, I know where to go.
Don't worry. God loves lesbians. As long as they're the kind who comb their hair and put on lipstick.
And now everyone, it’s time for the Lesson of the Week, which is that crazy women make bad decisions. Since Zoe is one of the “crazy” women, she is completely oblivious to the fact that she is hiring the worst nanny ever. The nanny’s demands include, but are not limited to, 900 dollars a week, a cell phone with unlimited texts, and premium channels in her room since she’s living there. Of course, rational husband is all, “She’s demanding.” But, crazy Zoe is all, “You’re perfect! Start now!” Oh, Zoe. This decision will come back to haunt you! Don’t you know you’ve been chosen to teach us crazy!
As Zoe races off, she sees Davis, Juliet’s philandering husband and Cilla making out on the street. (Stupidest. Husband. Ever.) This brings Zoe, Mia and Caitlin together for a Mafia meeting. Now they lay some of their tough talk and organized crime slang on us. Mia suggests they “punch his balls”. Caitlin refers to sex as “dipping his wick”. (Wait. She’s not a lesbian already?) No wonder they’re the “Cashmere” Mafia. These bitches are weak. Then they decide to have a sit down with Juliet on the night of her benefit instead of bashing Davis’s kneecaps in. Seriously weak.
Let's prank text that poo-poo head!
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Comments (4)
Since I am the owner/operator of a penis, I really had no business watching this show to begin with, but they had filmed a lot of it in my neighborhood so thought I'd check it out. Internet Sensation, I think you were actually too kind to this show. It was just awful. Amazing to see a show where not even one character acted in a remotely realistic or believable way the entire hour. I can't even recommend this on a "so bad it's funny" basis, it's just too awful to even laugh at.
However, with the writers' strike on and not having any real competition, this show may actually hang around for a while, God help us.
1 of 4 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on January 16, 2008 9:37 AM
Pretty good recap. I had tried to watch the show - mainly because Lucy was on it - but just couldn't force myself to stick it out. You recap was much better. I think I'll skip the show from now on (which, if there is justice in the world, will not be very long) and just enjoy your recaps!
2 of 4 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on January 16, 2008 9:41 AM
I agree with Fire@will. I couldn't force myself to watch the rest of it! It was such a sad wannabe of one of my favorite shows, SATC. I am quite happy to read the recaps though! great job...keep it up..you are too funny :)
3 of 4 | Posted by PinkTuTu13 | Posted on January 19, 2008 6:15 AM
InternetSensation,
Awesome recap! I actually watched this crapfest and I do think it merits the 'so-bad-it's-good' tag.
My favourite parts were the ridiculous lesbian daliance and the 'poor put-upon men are forced to cheat' speech.
4 of 4 | Posted by bdos88 | Posted on January 29, 2008 5:08 PM