Of course he leaves the store and runs down the block to cry. Lisa has to cover the camera so she can speak to Ant, but we can still hear them so that accomplishes nothing. Ant says, "There's two fuckin' clowns hanging there and you fuckin' told me you went through and saw there were no fuckin' clowns." I understand fear is real and all, but oh my God, just read that sentence again. Seriously. This is happening. Lisa really didn't try to set him up, but Ant decides he can't trust her and he'll just have to make his own costume.
Once everyone else has their outfit, they head back to the Magic Castle to rehearse. Chris thinks it's a smart idea to do a character unlike everyone else's, so he creates Kid the Hip Hop Houdini. Chris' magician, Derek, thinks it's a little tasteless to perform a pimp character at a children's show, but Chris says kids need to learn about pimpin'. Since he is a child molester, this works in his favor.
C. Thomas Howell will perform as a cowboy, since he was a child rodeo star. Amazingly that's not something I'm making up! His costume is basically a cowboy hat and a chicken, which his magician would like to cook. That seems like it would be a great trick, but when C. Thomas Howell disagrees, David suggests the chicken should hide in his pants, really making him the cock of the walk.
Rocco tells Hal he has a few themes to choose from, and then Hal will pick what he'd like to do for the show. Hal likes being treated as a fellow magician, but then he pees a little bit when Rocco makes fire appear out of nowhere. Somehow all it takes is blowing on a piece of paper, which explodes into flames and then turns into a rubber ball. If only it were that easy for everyone on Survivor! Hal asks if the trick ever stops burning, and Rocco's like, "Don't worry, you get used to the pain." I sort of love the idea of professionals saying that. I want to meet a doctor who's like, "Don't worry, after a few tries, you barely feel the bone saw."
During a meeting with Asi, Ant refuses to reveal his costume. You'd think maybe he'd want Asi to know about it, being that they're partners, but Ant don't roll that way. Asi asks if the costume is bulky, and Ant is like, "Why, do I have to have my hands free?" No, Ant, that's not a vital component of magic at all. Asi says he thought it would be fun to work with Ant, but he wasn't aware that Ant is such a Bitter Betty. Cut to Sir Queensalot suddenly yelling, "I hope you don't have children because you're gonna be, like, the worst father."
In return, Asi is like, "Talk to the hand."
Kimberly and Murray discuss plans for the show, and Kimberly sagely points out that entertaining kids is different than doing street magic. I had no idea! Murray performs a trick where he holds out a towel, pulls it back, and Kimberly's freaky looking Chihuahua is staring back at her. She's impressed but not as much as I would've been. If this dude randomly pulled my dog out of thin air, I would probably be on the floor squealing, and Kimberly's like, "Oh. That's mine." Thanks.
Even though Lisa talked such a big game earlier in the day, she is now weepified. Silly Billy admits the costume sucks, but he thinks there's a way to make it work. Meanwhile Lisa is just sobbing, and then she wheezes, "I was bragging that I have, like, four kids." I'm deciding she's actually confused on that. She's got some number of kids, she just doesn't remember how many. She puts on the ketchup hat and it makes her look like a big red dildo. Silly Billy mocks the shit out of her for it, since he's a professional clown and this is the only chance he's ever had to feel better than someone.
Soon everyone heads over to the show, all decked out in costume except for Ant. Playing himself would be terrifying, so my vote goes that way. Chris says he's as nervous as when he performs stand-up comedy, since he's as bad at that as he is at magic. Adding to his fears is the fact that Judge Jeff is here for the show, along with a new judge, Max Maven, the greatest mentalist in the world. That's just a fancy way of saying "crazy dude we found on the street." This is Celebracadabra, they don't have a budget for special guests.
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Comments (4)
I love how you can manage to milk 5 pages of hilarious recap out of such a fluff show. Bravo.
I can totally relate to those kids concerning Hal and his butterflies...scary as sh-- memories of the butterfly tent at the science museum when I was 8 floating back into my conscience. I'm surprised you didn't note Ant's claim that the show can't get rid of the villain this early. That's the one thing I liked about him, that he was aware of how this reality stuff works. Other than that, I'm glad he's gone and this show can continue to just be a goodhearted piece of cotton candy.
1 of 4 | Posted by Tigermilk | Posted on May 11, 2008 1:53 AM
I doubt I'll ever watch the show, but your recaps make good reading, BQ.
2 of 4 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on May 11, 2008 11:00 AM
I agree, the best thing to come out of that crappy show is this hilarious recap.
3 of 4 | Posted by Nemesiis | Posted on May 13, 2008 12:13 PM
This show is stupid but Lisa Ann Walter is one smart cookie. I don't think she's too emotional, I think she's just playing the game well. And her boobs are definately real. Trust me, you can tell one's that are....enhanced. And Ant is just an all around unpleasant person. I don't know why he keeps subjecting us to his reality show appearances.
4 of 4 | Posted by Bingo Blog Boy | Posted on May 14, 2008 6:42 AM