Ant finally straps on his costume, and it's about what you'd expect from him.
Any excuse to get dudes to touch him.
He knows he has to connect to the kids, so he just covers himself in candy! Chris says the costume is smart in a sinister way. Some of the handlers backstage tell Ant to keep the show under control, and he's all like, "Come on, how can this fail?" Uh, very easily. Ant's act involves him turning a handkerchief into a bird, and then he tells kids that butterflies carry germs that can get everyone sick. This is sort of amazing, because remember when people were freaking out over bird flu? Yeah, but butterflies, they're the real killer.
In the middle of Ant's show, he notices his magical bucket has disappeared, which was probably a trick played by God. Even though everyone was instructed not to move the bucket from the set, it somehow winds up near Hal and Rocco. It would be kind of awesome if Hal stole it, but I think he's too lazy. It was probably just a dumb intern's mistake, you know? Ant screams like crazy for Asi to recover the bucket, and when it shows up, one of the props is fucked up. He's supposed to be funneling water out of a little girl, but it plays out weirdly and looks like he's milking her twee nipples. Awkwaaaard! In confessional, Ant says he's not accusing anyone of screwing up the trick...but he totally believes it was sabotage. But he's not accusing anyone, just so you know!
When the act fails, Ant gives up and basically instructs the kids to pull the candy off his body. It's such a mad rush that kids are actually getting stomped on, and everyone's laughing backstage until they're like, "Wait, shit, blood is spewing from these children." One girl's glasses completely shatter, too, so all the adults nearby rush in to abort the mission. Even Asi says Ant sucked balls today, and while that is usually Ant's greatest skill, it didn't play out so well on stage.
Nevertheless, time for judging at the Magic Castle! After 25 minutes of dramatic music, Jonathan admits it's a little unfair to judge the celebs on their performance since children can be so harsh. Still, it's more about the tricks than the kids, so of course judging will continue. Chris, C. Thomas Howell, and Lisa are called up first. Chris doesn't feel confident, but I'd say they have to be the three who are totally safe.
Jonathan faults Chris for making the kids feel a little uncomfortable, but he admits Chris is a great showman. Next, Jonathan tells C. Thomas Howell he performed real magic and was the best opening act anyone could've hoped for. When it's Lisa's turn, she swells up with hope.
Well, hope or silicone, you decide.
Lisa's tricks weren't very technical, but her routine was smooth and she managed to make her costume work. She turned her act into comedy gold, sayeth the judges! Out of the three of them, C. Thomas Howell performed the best, so he gets the special powers for next week. He thanks the judges and sounds so bored by all of it, which is weird because sometimes you can actually see his heart palpitating with joy. Dude's a little bipolar, but that's okay, he's likeable! Anyway, those three are safe, leaving Kimberly, Hal and Ant behind.
Ant points out that he's wearing an enormous cross to bring him good luck and help him stay in the show. Since God moved his bucket, I don't have much hope for him here. At this point, after staring at him and his confessionals for literally almost an hour, I finally noticed he painted a cross on his forehead, too. I honestly thought he just had greasy-ass hair drooping down into his face.
Dear Lord, cleanse my soul and the mop on my head.
Hal is called to the front of the stage. Jonathan points out that Hal won the last round, but he wasn't even close this time. In the background, Kimberly is totally laughing her ass off over this, along with the rest of the viewing public. Failure is funny! Hal loses points for terrifying the kids with flying creatures, but since he had a strong character on stage, he's safe this week.
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Comments (4)
I love how you can manage to milk 5 pages of hilarious recap out of such a fluff show. Bravo.
I can totally relate to those kids concerning Hal and his butterflies...scary as sh-- memories of the butterfly tent at the science museum when I was 8 floating back into my conscience. I'm surprised you didn't note Ant's claim that the show can't get rid of the villain this early. That's the one thing I liked about him, that he was aware of how this reality stuff works. Other than that, I'm glad he's gone and this show can continue to just be a goodhearted piece of cotton candy.
1 of 4 | Posted by Tigermilk | Posted on May 11, 2008 1:53 AM
I doubt I'll ever watch the show, but your recaps make good reading, BQ.
2 of 4 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on May 11, 2008 11:00 AM
I agree, the best thing to come out of that crappy show is this hilarious recap.
3 of 4 | Posted by Nemesiis | Posted on May 13, 2008 12:13 PM
This show is stupid but Lisa Ann Walter is one smart cookie. I don't think she's too emotional, I think she's just playing the game well. And her boobs are definately real. Trust me, you can tell one's that are....enhanced. And Ant is just an all around unpleasant person. I don't know why he keeps subjecting us to his reality show appearances.
4 of 4 | Posted by Bingo Blog Boy | Posted on May 14, 2008 6:42 AM