Next, it's show time! Oddly, the show is being held from 4 to 6 PM, which seems kind of terrible. Shouldn't the audience be drunk for this, so they can heckle accordingly? I hate to say it, but sometimes Celebracadabra just isn't true to life. I know that tidbit just rocked your world, but it's okay, together we'll get through this.
Jonathan settles down with the judges, our old friend Max Maven and a new friend, Steve Wyrick. While they gear up for the show, the group draws cards to determine the performance order, and Chris winds up first. He starts his ten-minute act with some stand-up comedy that gets zero laughs, which totally rattles me! Chris' problem is he's a one trick pony. When talking in a gay voice doesn't work, he jumps straight into a wacky song. If it didn't suck, maybe people would be amused! Unfortunately, it does and they are not. Having bombed that part, he goes into his trick, where he's supposed to make a bottle appear from nowhere. That could be impressive if he weren't visibly holding the bottle and not realizing it. It's seriously fucking mortifying, and it gets absolutely no reaction. People don't even boo him, they're just like, "Wait, are we on Candid Camera?"
When Chris needs an assistant, a girl leaps into the air. He happily accepts since he recognizes her from his promotion earlier in the day, so this will go perfectly, right? Nah. Everything goes great for about 35 seconds, and then it's kind of stinkingly obvious that she's drunk even though it's 4 PM. Chris is frightened.
She mistakenly assumes twiddling her nipple will sober her up.
He announces he's going to push a beer bottle through her belly, and she yells, "I dare you to do it" in that drawn out, drunky way. It's like when your dad drunk dials you, or someone's trying to play a retarded person on TV. Chris has no choice but to channel GOB from Arrested Development and explain he's made a huge mistake. It comes as a shock to everyone but he pulls the trick off somehow, and then his inebriated friend crawls away to throw up a little bit in her mouth.
Backstage, C. Thomas Howell starts to worry that his wooden swan isn't going to be a hit. I can't see why he'd ever think that! He starts his act by asking a girl to write her name on a card, and while he makes small talk about his toy bird, Lisa confesses she's not sure about his choice of trick. Don't worry though, Lisa's totally not bitter about him using his special power on her! That would be super unlike her. Though I hate to take her side, it really is a shitty routine. In the second trick, he tries to read a girl's mind but she's a tad dazed and confused. All that's on her mind is "me want more beer," but it winds up all right, except that C. Thomas Howell destroys the set at the end. He comes off looking like he has roid rage, which makes the audience a wee bit uncomfortable.
Up next, it's time for Lisa to bring on some laughs! She ropes Silly Billy into her routine as her assistant, meaning he has to wear clothes other than his clown costume. How will he ever survive! She opts not to wear a special outfit, but luckily she looks enough like a caveperson that no one will know the difference.
Lisa go raaaar!
Chris says Lisa has a monumental challenge, but I think she and Silly Billy could potentially do something cute if they really tried. She could be the caveperson that tries to screw up his tricks but actually pulls them off amazingly, you know? Something like that could be decent, but she'll most likely just scratch herself and grunt, so whatever. Sure enough, she does those very things backstage to explain cues to Silly Billy. Of course he's baffled as balls.
« Beauty and the Geek: Losing on All Fours (Season Finale) | Main | Survivor: Really? Parvati? »
Comments (1)
You are so mean! I love it and I hate myself for loving it all the same. I love Lisa Ann Walter though. She makes the show interesting and calls the others out for their shit. I know you have to talk shit about everyone but I like it when you say you almost like her. It makes me feel all warm inside. Hal Sparks can take his "Yanni" hair and go back to "pretending" he's gay on t.v. I don't really even know who any of the others are. Lisa should win...if indeed that is a good thing on this show. I am not so sure.
1 of 1 | Posted by bingo blog boy | Posted on May 19, 2008 8:26 AM