Jonathan introduces Silly Billy as Dr. David K. Walter, Chief of Paleontology at UCLA. He can barely even talk into a damn microphone, but you know what's weird? Even though I sincerely dislike both Silly Billy and Lisa, I'm kind of rooting for them here! They do a weird, unpleasant bit where Lisa holds up cue cards for him to read, and then she pulls a card out of her mouth. This is more unsanitary than impressive, but she gives it a decent try. Their next trick is to fill a mug of beer and hold a card under it, pull the card away, and the liquid all stays inside. It works, but just barely. The sad thing is that I sneered through this whole bit, and I was kind of predisposed to liking it. That doesn't bode well for her reactions from the judges, who most likely do not give a fuck. C. Thomas Howell's magician disagrees though, saying the judges will give her sympathy for fucking up, since she had the cavewoman thing working against her. Ugh, send her home anyway.
Kimberly's up next, and she blathers on about how focused she is. The crowd will be pretty focused on the fact that she's a Pussycat Doll, too, so they'll automatically love anything she does. Sure enough, the crowd eats it up and she no longer has to perform tricks, she just turns them.
It gets a little weird when she drops a turd on stage.
No, as much as I'm hating on Kimberly, her tricks are actually pretty awesome! She makes a bowling ball appear out of thin air, and then she does one of her beer bottle tricks, making the card appear inside the bottle. I guess the only downer is that she handcuffs a guy during the act, and then she leaves the stage without letting him free. She just walks away and the guy ends up sitting there, sadly looking behind her like, "Um, a little help?"
Apparently someone takes care of it or rolls him backstage, because next we move on to Hal's act. The crowd is excited, but he walks out with this massive ego that's kind of unflattering. You're Hal Sparks and you're probably going to win this, but you're not the Pope, you know? He does his knot trick, but this time he has his dick untie it. It's about as unsexy as anything could ever possibly be, but it's kind of funny, so of course C. Thomas Howell thinks it's the greatest thing that's ever been performed. In fact, he says he's gotta give it to this motherfucker because...
Wow! Thanks for the hand gesture, C. Thomas Howell!
Hal's second trick involves him regurgitating things, and that's fucking gross so we're not going to talk about it! Please vomit on your own time, Hal.
Alas, that's the grand finale and then it's time to return to the Magic Castle. C. Thomas Howell doesn't think the judges will be lenient, since in general the show was kind of a fartfest. Jonathan agrees, saying there wasn't much good magic, but then he calls Hal and Kimberly forward. They were obviously the best, although Hal's regurgitating trick would've been better if... well, in my world, it would've been better if he'd skipped it, so let's go with that! Kimberly was almost perfect however, although the handcuffed guy disagrees, so she wins this round and gets the special powers for next week.
Now we're down to the final three. Lisa is called to the front, and Jonathan says she deserves praise for tackling her challenge so well. Unfortunately, her magic sucked dick and Silly Billy was pretty useless. Jonathan asks how much of this is Silly Billy's fault, and Lisa's eyes are seriously filled with tears, which makes me feel sort of bad for her. You know she wants to throw him under the bus, but then she's the neighborhood asshole, so it's awkward. She says the responsibility is half and half, which is a pretty respectable reply. In the end, like all the other weeks, she gets to stick around since she wasn't the best but wasn't the worst. In return, she gives Jonathan a juicy blowjob.
Assuming the position.
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Comments (1)
You are so mean! I love it and I hate myself for loving it all the same. I love Lisa Ann Walter though. She makes the show interesting and calls the others out for their shit. I know you have to talk shit about everyone but I like it when you say you almost like her. It makes me feel all warm inside. Hal Sparks can take his "Yanni" hair and go back to "pretending" he's gay on t.v. I don't really even know who any of the others are. Lisa should win...if indeed that is a good thing on this show. I am not so sure.
1 of 1 | Posted by bingo blog boy | Posted on May 19, 2008 8:26 AM