One of the many odd things about Celebracadabra is its airing schedule. Technically the finale was supposed to be about a week ago, then this week, then next, and now VH1 is really just jerking us around. I don't think it realizes it's going to make all of us Celebracakillourselves, but luckily the celebs try to do that very thing this week, so we're not alone! Take comfort!
To congratulate the final three, Jonathan announces that this challenge will be so big and dangerous, it cannot be done inside the Magic Castle. The celebs immediately assume it'll be mouthing Jonathan's wang, but nope, it's phobia magic! Admittedly, that's equally scary.
Leave it to Hal to be delighted.
The judges designed three challenges to make the celebs poop their pants, and I am so freaking excited. This is legitimately the only kind of magic I care about, and it's pretty horrible because you know I'm just hoping someone will die, but it's totally the truth! That time David Blaine lived in a bubble and aired it on TV, I recorded the entire special and still won't tape over it. Someone pulling a coin out of my ear isn't super impressive to me, but if that person can sit underwater in a straight-jacket while leeches eat their face? That is entertaining and I would gladly pay them a little bit of money for it!
Jonathan says he used to be afraid of fire but isn't anymore, and he proves it by setting his fingers ablaze and then swallowing the flames. Lisa applauds like one of those monkeys with the cymbals. Then Jonathan makes sure to mention that they will not be performing illusions; they could legitimately die, and they're all like, "Uh, we're making $5 from this show. Are you fucking kidding me?" Lisa reacts by saying something, but I rewound it three times and I still can't get it. Lisa is drunk.
Since C. Thomas Howell won last week's challenge, he holds this round's special power. He'll get to choose each celeb's escape, which delights me since they really phrase it that way. I feel like Celebracadabra has been reading these recaps and they're like, "Referring to them with the generic 'the celebs' is so perfect, God bless that Bailey Quarters and her imagination." Obviously since I'm noticing this, my life is super jam-packed with activity and joy. Anyway, they won't get to find out their assignment until tomorrow, that way they have a night to really work up a panic attack. Yay!
The next day, they discover that their new workspace is an old warehouse, which really shows how much time and effort is put into this show. Love it. They head inside and find out the different torture chambers they'll enter for this challenge. One victim will hang upside down for their routine, suspended from their ankles while they chill in a straight-jacket. Oh, PS, they'll also be seven stories up in the air! No big, right? The next victim will be bound in chains and locked inside a cabinet, which makes Lisa gasp. She has a lot of experience with bondage, so she's understandably stoked. She's less thrilled when she finds out 50 snakes will also be hanging out in the cabinet. No lie, that made me scream just a little bit, but not so much as when I saw Lisa's face in confessional.
Sweet fucking marbles.
I obviously like to catch people making blowjob faces, but this is legitimately just her fucking face. I paused the video to write, and she just exploded into frame that way. This episode is truly living up to the whole scarypants theme.
Lisa doesn't want to do the snake trick for obvious reasons, but Hal's reasons are sort of out of this world. "I won't roll around in a contraption with snakes," he starts, and that makes perfect sense to me. Snakes are scary, so yeah, avoid those assholes! Then he adds, "I won't endanger the snakes." Oh, right, sure. Let's think of the snakes here, don't worry about them biting your dick off. Moron. The final routine is my favorite of all, the one where they're bound in chains and dropped into a huge tank of water. Yay! Whoever's stuck with this has to hold their breath and try to escape within a certain time limit. Also, they should try not to die; that would be another bonus.
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Comments (2)
Well it looks like I am the only one that stayed around to comment on your very amazing recaps Bailey! You deserve much better than this show and I hope that comes your way soon. So for the record, Lisa is now off of the show and I can tell you that I actually know her and you would really like her if you met her- not on a stupid reality show (and she does think the show is stupid). She did the show because she is an idiot and makes bad decisions. But she is a trooper and gave it her all even though she saw the train wreck from a mile away. For the record she does not drink or do drugs, is a great mom to her four kids and does give a great blow....never mind. And her tits are very, very real.
1 of 2 | Posted by bingo blog boy | Posted on June 11, 2008 7:51 AM
I'm still reading too, BQ!!! And really enjoying, tho I don't watch the show, Hal reeks of douche, super-duper deluxe douche, and I think he should have been axed for the pissy fit and not doing his trick!
Safe to say, I'da nevah done none of these--esp not the water!!!!! How thankless that poor real breasted Lisa had to do that, and then get cut!!!! Silly Billy should be proud, I'm sure kiddies across the land will be flocking to his shows . . .
2 of 2 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on June 11, 2008 1:10 PM