Gasmii, I'm going to be completely honest here. This round of Celebracadabra is like a clip show but less good. They're torturing us by stretching out the final two's big ten-minute performance, but I'm hoping it'll work to our advantage. Maybe their plane will crash on the way to Las Vegas! Don't ever lose hope.
We begin by meeting the celebs at LAX, preparing to fly to Vegas for the big show. Rocco realizes he can't bring his lighters on the plane, so he goes through an elaborate process of making them disappear. You know what's easier? Throwing 'em in the trash. Hal ejaculates over this trick, at least until C. Thomas Howell shows up and then things get all tensified.
C. Thomas Howell explains that last week, Hal eavesdropped on C. Thomas Howell's confessional session. You know, the one where he fake cried about how Hal's such a pussy and everything? Awkward! Hal claims he was only 18 feet away so he couldn't help overhearing, and his response is to tell C. Thomas Howell, "Be a person." In C. Thomas Howell's defense, he's being a person, just a person who hates Hal Sparks. They hug it out but agree to hate each other, even though Rocco's like, "We're all going to be friends when this is done!" It's weird that Rocco is the most cheerful of the bunch; kind of says a lot about the atmosphere, right? As they all head into the airport, the camera pans in ominously on some cards Rocco left on the ground. This would be more effective if, well, this wasn't Celebracadabra.
Meaningful!
Rocco and Hal go up to the counter and ask how much for two tickets to Vegas right this minute. Then Hal pulls a string of money out of his mouth, and LOL, MAGIC TRICKS. Oh my God, I cannot believe they are doing this in public. This is why people hate magicians and clowns! Hal explains people aren't privy to the fact that he's learning magic, so they don't get his enthusiasm. As someone who is privy to this information, I still don't get it. Shut yer yap, Hal. When C. Thomas Howell gets to the counter, he does a card trick. The employees are visibly like, "Sir, we are fucking working," and then they mock the lame tricks once the celebs walk away. I like that kind of sass! Hal and C. Thomas Howell watch them laugh but do not understand that they're laughing at them, not with them.
Me so barfy.
Once on the plane, the cameras continue to record these unnecessary tricks, which seem like a safety hazard. Hal proceeds to make shit disappear for flight attendants and he's like, "Anyone who can do magic during turbulence deserves extra peanuts!" No, you actually deserve to be thrown off the plane. This episode is making me very hateful.
After what feels like hours, they make it to Vegas and head to the Steve Wyrick Theatre in Planet Hollywood, where they'll be performing. Jonathan hasn't shown up, so the celebs just sit around like jerks until he finally makes an appearance surrounded by showgirls. Chicks just follow him around all the time, by the way. Jonathan explains the final two will be opening for Steve, and they'll have one week to prepare an act with as much magic as they can pack in. It has to include at least three grand illusions, which hopefully means at least three points where they could die. The phobia magic wasn't enough for me! The winner will score 100 grand, plus the title of Ultimate Celebrity Magician, which Jonathan thinks is more important. These folks aren't in this for the money at all, you know? Don't be silly!
Jonathan warns that they'll be performing for a legitimate audience now - gone are the days of senior citizens or school children. He says the audience will be expecting something like this, and then Steve appears in an elevator that drops from the ceiling. It's weird, sometimes tricks sound a lot less exciting when written out but other times they sound exactly as boring as they really are. This is one of those times. Steve welcomes everyone to the theatre and invites the group back to see his show tonight. The celebs will also get to troll through Steve's warehouse and pick out some dangerous tricks for their own shows. Eee! He says they'll be harder than anything the guys have ever done before, and then he makes a crack about strippers, although he doesn't quite make the "hard" and "stripper" connection. That's a let down.
« Denise Richards: If only self-reflection involved a mirror. | Main | She's Got The Look: Then There Was Paula... »