Hola, gasmii! After a couple months of recap vacation, I was itching to get back into the swing of things around these parts. When I first saw the commercials for Celebracadabra, I wondered who would ever watch that kind of show. I mean, really, you know? Then I realized: I would watch that kind of show! Once I accepted that, I knew nothing could ever make me happier than recapping it.
We start off by finding out a bit about Celebracadabra, which has a premise so complicated it's going to blow your mind. Get this - it's celebrities, see? Hanging out together. Doing wacky shit for cameras! God, I love it already! They'll actually be learning magic tricks, a topic which reaches a special realm of badness, but at least they require some kind of skill. It has the potential to be a lot more interesting than Be My G-List Boyfriend.
In a preview of some things we'll see this season, Hal Sparks asks his magician if a trick ever stops burning him, and the guy says Hal will get used to the pain. The next shot is of Kimberly Wyatt of Pussycat Dolls fame, which I feel is a little wink from the Celebracadabra editors. She knows a lot about a certain burning feeling.
Loosen up her buttons, babe.
One celebragician, which is the technical term, will disappear from the competition each week. The winner receives $100,000, a prize that manages to be both substantial and seriously lame at the same time. It would be a lot easier to just get fat and go on Celebrity Fit Club, you know? Still, before we can get to any prizes, we have to meet the competition!
The celebs gather in the Magic Castle, which is supposedy Hollywood's exclusive club for professional magicians. In reality, it's probably just Criss Angel's basement. Jonathan Levitt, our fearless host, explains that the stars will be learning how to be world-class magicians. Then he does a trick that involves a flame, but it looks like a sad CGI effect more than anything. The stars clap even though it's obvious they do not understand what's happening.
Kimberly explains in confessional that she has no clue what she's gotten herself into, but she's going to try like hell. Sadly, I think she means she'll try like hell to figure out where she is. Oh, Kim. No one will ever notice you've gone missing.
The first challenge will be street magic, and they'll have one day to learn what people spend years studying. Hoorah! Before they can start, they must meet their new partner. Up first is Derek Hughes, a top comedy magician. Essentially that means Derek is a clown without the makeup. He makes some balls appear, compensating for the ones he lacks down below, and reveals he'll be working with Chris "Kid" Reid of Kid 'n Play. Chris looks impressed, but it's only because someone knows his name. That's a big milestone in Chris' life!
Next we have Silly Billy, the world's most famous children's magician. Silly Billy is a legitimate clown, and Ant explains he'll quit and/or piddle himself if they have to be partners. You kind of can't blame him though, since grown men who choose to be clowns will totally rape you in your sleep. Also, if you're not familiar with Ant, you should consider yourself blessed because I don't think there's any "comedian" more annoying. He's like a queer Carrot Top, which is to say...Carrot Top.
Luckily for all of us, Ant will not be quitting just yet! Silly Billy will work with Lisa Ann Walter, who makes a huge blowjob face in faux excitement. I've never heard of Lisa but can assume this probably isn't a big stretch for her. Our next magician is Rocco, who invented some kind of product that's huge in magic. God bless Rocco for coming up with the string of colored scarves! His partner is Hal Sparks, from the show my 60-year-old father refers to as Queer as Fuck. Hal is stoked, but admittedly he's stoked anytime he gets to leave the house for something other than a community college stand-up tour.
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Comments (5)
It's great reading a recap from you again BQ, I'm still wishing you would recap the I Love New York 2 finale (your replacement tried, but just couldn't cut it). But your normally sharp, biting wit just seems a little too pitiless for a cute, harmless, and ultimately unoffensive show like CC. I mean Kimberly's a stupid whore because she's in the Pussycat Dolls? Maybe its just funnier when your targets are the anonymous losers of ILNY 2. But then again, there's a reason I don't write the recaps, as well as there is a reason I come to TVgasm everyday.
Anyways, I enjoyed the premiere of this show, its a nice bit of time filler, but really, 1 hour long!? And its nice to feel like I'm not the only person who watches this show.
Oh, and Lisa Ann Walter was most notably in the remake of the Parent Trap (you know, the remake with La Lohan) as the housekeeper. At least that's what I remembered her from.
1 of 5 | Posted by Tigermilk | Posted on May 5, 2008 1:06 AM
BQ, welcome back!! Thanks for watching this crapola and recapping it for us. I'm banking on the fact that your recaps are going to be 100% better than the show itself. Thank you for making our lives just a little more time efficient! Poor Carnie, now she is going to have to find a new reality show to ho herself out for. I do like the way VH1 recycles their celebs from show to show though...very green of them!
2 of 5 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on May 5, 2008 2:49 AM
PS - I think that Lisa Ann Walter actually had her own network show for like half a season in the early 2000's? I am embarrassed to say that when I saw previews for the show I actually thought she was Taylor Dayne.
3 of 5 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on May 5, 2008 2:53 AM
Thanks for the comments, you guys!!
Tigermilk, I definitely get what you mean, insulting random reality contestants is a lot more enjoyable. Admittedly I know very little about any of these folks, so maybe Kimberly will surprise me. I'll work on not being such an asshole. :)
wintersux, I just checked Wikipedia to see what her show was called, and one of her credits is apparently called Farm Sluts. I thank you very much for bringing that into my life!
4 of 5 | Posted by BaileyQuarters | Posted on May 5, 2008 10:00 AM
The show is fast becoming a guilty pleasure of mine. Total bubblegum. Thank god it's not as trashy as everything else on Vh-1! (That probably means it will fail.) I'm relieved that Ant guy wont be around anymore. His brand of "reality show" crap was boring and irritating. It's nice to see C. Thomas Howell on tv again. (Again?? Was he ever on tv?) Hal Sparks needs a haircut. Teh Pussycat Doll can call me anytime.
5 of 5 | Posted by Slacks | Posted on May 6, 2008 11:37 AM