Here it is, my friends, the Celebracadraba finale! I'm not sure yet if I'll miss the show, but you know what I will miss? Celebracapuns.
My all-time favorite thing about finales is the requisite 15 minutes of recap at the start of the show. Oh, what a delight! The recap highlights how C. Thomas Howell really sucked at first and Hal was the front-runner, until he turned into a huge douchebag. That'll screw ya every time.
We start off at 8 AM, with eight hours to go until the big show. Las Vegas is odd, apparently; who goes to a show at 4 PM? Rocco thinks the show will go all right, but C. Thomas Howell is openly like, "I am exhausted and unprepared!" That's a positive attitude right there. Hal thinks he's going to win, naturally, and he yaps to Rocco about how in the future, he'll do some of Rocco's tricks in his own magic show but he'll make them better. Oh, great, thanks. They make their way to Steve's theatre, which is apparently in a strip mall, so it's really classy.
Real magic, real professional.
Once they all get to the theatre, Murray asks C. Thomas Howell how he feels about Hal. He says he has no energy towards him. Meanwhile, in Hal's dressing room, Hal talks about how he heard C. Thomas Howell talking shit about him again. While he says all this, he's playing on his laptop as always. I swear 90% of Hal's rehearsals have just been games of Spider Solitaire. He takes a break to chat with Kimberly, who makes me squeak over how fucking terrible she looks.
Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
It's already 10 AM, so somehow the guys have wasted two hours already. C. Thomas Howell finally gets into his tang-colored suit and starts working a little bit. David firmly states this show will be horrific, so they have to do everything step by step to try to work out the kinks. That's going well enough until an intercom comes on like, "This is a test for the life safety system. This is only a test!" The intercom broad heard about that safe falling down the other day, she's just trying to watch out for everyone.
The emergency siren is still going off with five hours left 'til the show, so no one has been able to get any real progress made towards rehearsing. Instead they just sit and/or rehearse really basic tricks, none of the huge tricks like the safe or the Bengal tiger shebang. Rocco is bummed about that one, but only because he thinks the tiger is pretty calm, and that's lame. I'm not inclined to agree because you know, a tiger is scary pretty much all the time, but Rocco thinks they should've made it starve for three days before using it in the show. Sounds smart to me!
An hour later, the siren is still going off. This is just going to be the whole fucking episode, by the way. The guys linger in their dressing rooms, which appear to be super secluded. I'm sure C. Thomas Howell can talk shit freely in here.
Privacy is private.
Hal visits Rocco to kill some time, and Rocco shares his fear that C. Thomas Howell will win. C. Thomas Howell has practiced this one trick about 75 times, and it's one of Judge Jeff's signature moves, so Rocco thinks the judges will be really impressed. Of course, Jeff could also be pissed off, but you never know. No matter, Hal doesn't give a shit. He thinks Rocco worries too much, so that's the end of that! Then Rocco decides to take a nap since, you know, they're not facing any kind of deadline.
With three hours left, Hal decides to do another run-through, which mostly consists of him telling his harem of women, "If something goes wonky, just move onto the next thing." Great! The most interesting thing about the run-through, which goes too quickly to really observe any tricks, is that every seat in the house is labeled. I love that Celebracadabra is really strict about that, of all things. They don't particularly care if Hal catches fire or C. Thomas Howell dies, but those seats are imperative!
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