He falls flat on his fucking face, which makes the audience cringe and makes me cackle really hard. Once he recovers, the blanket critters turn into sexy women, and one turns into Hal, which is also really cool. Would've been cooler had he not fallen down like an asshole, but you know. Before he moves onto the last trick, Hal talks to his celeb friends in the crowd, who are Carnie, Kimberly, and Chris Reid. It's kind of awesome that these were the only ones to make it - Ant and Lisa Ann Walter are waaaay too busy, ya dig? Anyway, he asks Kimberly to join him on stage, which seems to surprise her even though we all kind of knew this was coming.
They dance together really unattractively. Don't get me wrong, Kimberly is fucking amazing as a dancer, I'll give her that! Hal, however, is not. They dance and he makes rose petals drizzle from his hands, which I was going to say equates to jizz in some awkward analogy. Then I heard the backing song, which apparently says, "I saw the tears running down your nose" but sounds a lot like, "I saw the jizz running down your nose." So whatever, dude, this act is phallic.
I guess Kimbo agrees.
He locks Kimberly into a cage and covers her up with a blanket. After spinning it around for a minute, he does the big reveal and shock of shocks, it's the tiger! Hal pets it but looks terrified as fuck, like maybe they really did starve it for all those days! Luckily it doesn't bite him, but he still storms off the stage and cries. Cries! I'm not even exaggerating, dude weeps over his technical difficulties. I guess that's a shame but considering how cocky he is about everything, he sort of deserves it. Also, I'm an unsympathetic whore.
It's already time for judging, which is sort of shocking to me. This episode flew by when normally they drag, so this is bizarre and exciting. Jonathan brings Steve on stage to give his opinion, but he gives the PC response of "They're both winners in my book." Then he does a big illusion to show them up, naturally. He takes a twee toy airplane and places it in the center of the stage, lowers a curtain over it, and then voila, a huge jet appears! With Hal and C. Thomas Howell inside of it, no less! Tricks that involve people coming and going are always baffling to me. I guess I wonder where they wind up when they disappear, you know? Kimberly probably wonders the same thing. No one's seen that poor girl in weeks.
Anyway, no worries, the finalists are right here before us. Judge Max says he's impressed with C. Thomas Howell's show, since it was really well rehearsed and also coherent. Max had a lot of time to think about this while nursing his raging pinkeye.
You scratch my eye, I'll scratch yours.
Jeff agrees, saying that in just a few weeks C. Thomas Howell created the illusion of being a real magician. As predicted, he rags on the money trick, but he praises C. Thomas Howell for his stagecraft and storyline. Jonathan says much of the same, but also notes that there were a couple of accidental reveals in the tricks. None of us civilians noticed that, of course, but the professionals are a different story.
Then it's time to judge Hal, and Jeff says he rocked the house. He also rocked his ankle right out of the socket when he fell, but que sera sera. Jeff says something about how the show had "more sizzle than steak," which means nothing to me. Max takes over and says Hal is a great performer, but the act was full of glitches. He commends Hal for moving forward in spite of these flaws though, so that's a bonus!
Unfortunately there can only be one winner, one Ultimate Celebrity Magician. Oh, the suspense! Jonathan tries to do one of those American Idol cliffhangers like, "We'll find out the winner after the break!" I rolled my eyes, but a second later I panicked that maybe we actually wouldn't find out this week. By the way, guys, I am a sucker. Luckily if you buy the episodes on iTunes as I do, the break is over in about three seconds flat. Crisis averted!
« The Bachelorette: Hometown Follies | Main | So You Think You Can Dance: Pick A Winner Already! »