So we pick up where we left off last week: in the boardroom, with four schmucks sitting in front of The Donald, two of whom are about to be fired. I'm wondering how this is going to happen, as in the past couple of seasons we've dispensed with the HARD-HITTING interview pleasantries and just fired folks depending on what color socks they happen to be wearing. But since this is Celebrity Apprentice, Trump is pulling out all the stops. The interviews WILL happen, and will be conducted by my favorite little finance imp, Jim Cramer, and some woman. Oh, it's an anchor from CNBC. Hey, where are the HARD-HITTING corporate monkeys? I demand the CEO of Mr. Clean or some other random product to come grill these candidates. Who better to judge celebrities and their business tactics than the Director of Creative Development of Chia Pets?

Oh well. Let the sweaty excitement begin! Time to cue up the ole Interview Montage. Piers, Trace, and Carol all outline their charities nicely, although the shots of them and the interviewer keep changing from Jim to the CNBC girl while the candidate is talking, causing me to conclude that there is in fact only one CNBC employee, and it is a shapeshifter. Lennox attempts to describe his charity by forming sentences, and fails on both accounts. There is also much bashing of Piers and his ruthless strategies. But, as always, I am far too distracted by the hilarious antics of little Jimmy Cramer. He squawks at everyone and bugs his eyes out of his head and does his little imp dance, and I am delighted.

"Bring me The Precious!"


"Why is that garden gnome talking?"

Afterwards, The Donald meets with the interviewers, who have come to the following conclusions about the candidates: Piers is a dick, Carol is gorgeous ("a KNOCKOUT!" Jim imps), Lennox is boring, and Trace is an adorable teddy bear. Groundbreaking insights you've made there, kids. Jim recommends Carol and Trace, and we are left hanging as Trump asks Erin for her recommendations. But this is all pointless anyway. We already know he's going with Piers and Trace. Is there any question at this point?

Well, apparently there is, because we are forced to go through yet another boardroom session. Lennox incorrectly claims to have done a great job, Trace decries the feral raccoon qualities of one Jim Cramer, and Piers is yet again bashed for being ruthless and coming across as an overall mean guy. He makes a good case for himself, though, eloquently stating that he's just playing the game, you can't argue with his record, and that if he's fired by a man like Donald Trump for being a tough businessman, then this whole thing is just a bloody friggin' sham anyway. I'm paraphrasing a bit, but you get the picture.

We then turn back to Lennox. Piers argues that there's no way Lennox would have won as much as he did without Piers as the driving force behind him, and Lennox agrees. Well, that's that. Trump fires him, and he happily goes, saying that he joined this show to raise money for his charity and he did just that. Once again, this is the problem with this version of the show. They just don't CARE that they get fired. Where's the crying, the begging, the wailing and gnashing of teeth? I want to see some snippy little MBAs get down on their knees in their $1,000 suits and curse the heavens as they're dragged out the door and into a taxi!

Farewell, Lennox. Try not to fart on the way out.

Back in the boardroom, Trump says that it's nearly impossible for him to fire Piers since he's won so much money, even though he's not a nice guy. Piers, in rare state of idiocy, contradicts this and insists that he's not mean at all. Trump gets a little irked and tells him to calm down, so he does, but he gets a Look.

"I CAN HAVE YOU DEPORTED TO THE MOON."

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Posted in Celebrity Apprentice by Screampiller at 8:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)
Last Comment: fire@will on Mar 27, 2008 03:24 PM.