This week on Celebrity Apprentice we learn that there is not an original idea to be found anywhere in Trump Tower. We also learn that "viral" is apparently synonymous with "midget." Oh also, The Donald pretends to take a moral stand. Join me, won't you, for a dive into ignorance.
Our dubious celebrities regroup in the VIP lounge following Dennis Rodman's intervention. Everyone agrees - again - that Dennis Rodman is a great big ball of sunshine... until he drinks. I don't know about that, but I've never had the privilege of being the presence of such greatness myself. The guys hope that their team might actually be able to perform now that Dennis is gone.
T-Boz makes a trip over to meet with a guy from the Sickle Cell Foundation of Georgia. I used my seriously gifted brain to finally figure out that these "visits" with the charities must have been filmed all together long after taping wrapped on our weekly episodes. I mean, what, do they spontaneously fly a charity rep to New York each week for a five second encounter? You really think Robert Shapiro hopped on a jet for this crap? No way. Anyway, I digress. T-Boz tells us that she actually has sickle cell anemia, which is really sad. She gives the guy her $20,000, so let's get on with the episode.
Everyone meets up with The Donald to discover this week's challenge. But first The Donald has an announcement to make, and that is that Dennis Rodman called and announced that he's going to get some help. I have two words for that: Puh-lease! Get some help? That could mean anything, so nice try, Mr. Trump. I'm not buying. The Donald says that alcohol abuse is terrible and it ruins lives and he can't stand it. Just then we get a crash zoom on our favorite drunk driver, Khloe Kardashian. Ha! Also, Melissa Rivers is wearing some kind of cast because the giant stress of cleaning up after strangers in the hotel last week was just too much for her and she tore two ligaments. Hmm, I don't recall viewing anything to that affect. Whatever. The Donald proceeds to make the announcement he makes EVERY season of The Apprentice when the girls have won out over the guys so many times that there are hardly any guys left: we're mixing teams! I've honestly never seen it where the girls are dwindling or where it's even. It's ALWAYS the guys' team that has been annihilated, so the teams simply must be shuffled. Here's how it goes: KOTU now consists of Hershel, Clint, Joan, Natalie and Khloe. So Athena now includes Jesse, Melissa, Annie, T-Boz and Brande. The big news here is that Joan and Melissa Rivers will be pitted against each other. And here's another shocker: another celebrity had to be excused this week for "work." And that celebrity is... Brian McKnight. He's off giving a concert. Again, I ask where these people's schedulers are and why they're paid.
We are in some center for media - I can't understand The Donald - and Kevin and Shannon from All (the laundry detergent) are there to issue this week's challenge. Is All some kind of Irish company?
The teams have to create a 60 second video for All Small and Mighty (3 times concentrated) that will create a viral sensation on the interweb. They can use whatever tactic they'd like - humor, drama, shock, whatever - but the video must contain a product message. And just to make this completely random, Perez Hilton will be weighing in to give his opinion on what the teams come up with. Now choose Project Managers! Melissa is stepping up for Team Athena... because she has 15 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE PRODUCING. And Clint Black steps up for KOTU because he has directed 10 to 12 music videos and written two full-length screenplays. Newsflash, Clint Black. Everyone who lives in LA has written AT LEAST two full-length screenplays. Oh, then he goes on to say that neither of them have sold. Join the minions, Clint Black, join the minions. Little Donny and Ivanka will be observing everything. Ready... break!
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Comments (15)
Oh thank God, Honey G, I thought I was the only one that didn't think these viral videos were funny! I'm sorry, if your demographic is 25 to 35 year old soccer moms, why would you think a viral video is a good idea? Hello, All People, I'm speaking to you!! Do you even know what a viral video is??? I didn't think so...
And now we are reminded once again - Never, ever, ever volunteer for anything!! The donald should have fired two from Clint's team and left it at that. Melissa's team at least made an attempt at a viral video!! You rock Honey G!!
1 of 15 | Posted by featherhead | Posted on April 10, 2009 11:16 AM
Okay, so I gave this show another chance and NOW I AM DONE. What total BS! When Donald Trump starts acting like our moral compass, then it's over. I can watch a lot of stupid reality shows, but this one not only jumped the shark, it f***d the shark. I wanted Jesse to win, but now I just don't care.
Honey Gangsta--Excellent recap--thanks for watching this crap for us!!
2 of 15 | Posted by bluzgirl | Posted on April 10, 2009 11:29 AM
"Annie shows him that the most popular searches for viral videos contain the word "midget." "
Annie didn't want to do anything with bikers because it's already been done...but her rationale for using midgets is...it's been done A LOT??? That's as logical as Trump's trumped up reasons for the dismissals.
I call shenanigans.
As for an idea...cats are good for viral videos. (witness Icanhascheezburger.) So, why not three kitttens doing laundry...then sleeping in the clean laundry, because we all know kittens never fold things. They are, however, experts at getting hair on clothing. You could manipulate the video so it looks like the "small and mighty" kittens are pulling the heavy laundry basket to the washer, etc. Okay...so it isn't brilliant. It's still better than midgets or Clint's weird sex video.
3 of 15 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on April 10, 2009 12:05 PM
And a note to Donald, Jr.: long greasy hair does not balance out your weak chin. Get thee to a stylist...preferably not your father's.
Yikes.
4 of 15 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on April 10, 2009 12:08 PM
One more thing...if The Donald REALLY didn't know about Khloe's DUI, then perhaps the people he should be firing are his own assistants.
Idiots.
5 of 15 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on April 10, 2009 12:24 PM
This was SO funny:
"And Clint Black steps up for KOTU because he has directed 10 to 12 music videos and written two full-length screenplays. Newsflash, Clint Black. Everyone who lives in LA has written AT LEAST two full-length screenplays. Oh, then he goes on to say that neither of them have sold. Join the minions, Clint Black, join the minions."
Clint did not want to discuss ANYTHING with those 3 ladies. Maybe, he's a chauvinist? I don't know. I do like Clint but that video was just sleazy. And let me tell you something --if I was a woman I wouldn't work for THE DONALD. He's a skeeze.
I enjoyed the Jesse video but I know it's because I like Jesse.
You're a very good writer Honey. Flipit is still the King/Queen but you're gaining on him.
6 of 15 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on April 10, 2009 1:08 PM
Oh, Jesse is just adorable. And Hershel is starting to grow on me. The contrast between Jesse and Clint was telling: Jesse enjoyed working with the women and respected them, while Clint discounted their ideas and ignored them, even though they were the target audience.
I think Clint was afraid to take Joan to the Boardroom. He knew he was wrong, and he knew Joan could wipe the floor with him. Plus Melissa would be there to support her.
The All people so did not want a viral video. But why didn't anybody do something with kids? Wasn't the target audience young moms? And kids are small, right? Or hot guys mud wrestling, to expand on Joan's idea--that might have appealed to young mothers.
7 of 15 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on April 10, 2009 1:18 PM
I liked the Jesse video. I thought it was cute. The other one was just gross.
I felt bad for Khloe getting eliminated. It wasn't really fair. Clint is a total dickhead and he single-handedly causeed his team to lose. He should have gone home. But he brings the drama or at least the assholery (is that a word? Guess it is now!) so they kept him.
Thanks for the funny recap, HG!
8 of 15 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on April 10, 2009 5:52 PM
Great recap. I especially loved the caption 'Clint Black is a dream boat'. I think I made a booger shoot out my nose onto the floor and now I'm afraid to walk anywhere for fear of getting it on the bottom of my foot.
Btw, I haven't been keeping up with the comment board but has anyone noticed that Clint Black = Mandy Patinkin? Anyone?
9 of 15 | Posted by alex_w | Posted on April 10, 2009 8:29 PM
Oh, just to clear something up. The booger incident happened because I was laughing so hard. Yeah. Just to avoid any confusion.
10 of 15 | Posted by alex_w | Posted on April 10, 2009 8:30 PM
yeah cattyfan--I'm glad I am not the only one with Junior's hair. Also, have you noticed that his suits do not fit him very well? What is up with that? You would think that he could afford a tailor. Ivanka always looks pretty good. Come on jr. get with it. OK I have to admit I like Clint--but he did act like an a$$hole this episode. I don't know if that anything to do with Annie's stupid ideas (she has grown on me lately). Did Joan offer any good ideas--I must have missed it if she did. I have to say that I met Joan once when she had her TV talk show and rode the elevator with her--in fact she held it open for me. She is extremely nice, down to earth, and just somebody you want to be around no matter what her age. Joan is really a great person!!!! Go Team Joan! And my other alliance Team Jesse!! I disagree with some of the posts--I'm glad that The Donald got rid of the dead weight--I will definately keep watching--mostly due to your awesome recaps honeyganster!!!
11 of 15 | Posted by nyc cookie | Posted on April 11, 2009 12:20 PM
Sorry--I did not mean I had Don Jr.'s hair, I meant I had an issue with it. Just wanted to make that clear--although when I have a really bad flu and have not been able to wash my hair for two weeks, I do have Jr.'s hair!!!
12 of 15 | Posted by nyc cookie | Posted on April 11, 2009 12:24 PM
I like how Melissa Rivers stated halfway through the project that she'd take the responsibility if her team failed, since she was the project leader. But when the time came, she weaseled out and not only allowed one teammate to volunteer to come back, she even chose another one to come with her. Way to be true to your word, Melissa.
13 of 15 | Posted by briar | Posted on April 12, 2009 9:09 AM
Thanks for a funny recap.
In spite of liking Jesse and Hershel and Joan, there is no way I'd waste time watching this show.
14 of 15 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on April 13, 2009 11:18 AM
First of all, I absolutely LOVE your recaps! I laugh and laugh and have a great time reading your witty and tremendously astute reviews!
Second, is Clint Black a moron or what? He was gonna shoot that video exactly the way he wanted to and everybody else could just take a flying leap. And what a stupid, perverse, sleazy thing it was! Man, I'd hate to be married to HIM! The Donald was drooling over the woman in the lingerie so he is also a tasteless pervert.
The other video was also stupid and bad but at least it wasn't sleazy.
Keep up the good work!
P.S. Your fan for life
15 of 15 | Posted by cajev | Posted on April 21, 2009 2:01 PM