Welcome back to Celebrity Apprentice! This week begins with our hard-working celebrities hanging out in the VIP lounge wondering whether Joan Rivers will be back tomorrow or if she has quit for good. Jesse thinks she's had it and won't be back, but Annie and Brande have their doubts. They're still riled up about Melissa's tantrum and Brande claims she would like nothing more than to beat Joan at this game. Guess what, Brande. It's not going to happen without Annie.
Clint's charity is a foundation for a disease that killed his niece. I honestly can't understand the name of the disease. At first I thought he said "Tourette's," but that's not it - and I don't think you die from that. Anyway Clint calls his brother on the fancy video phone, but little does he know that his brother is waiting right outside the door at Trump Tower to surprise him! Ah ha! The check says "Rett Syndrome." Hold on, I'm going to Wikipedia... wow it's complicated. Basically it's a neurodevelopmental disorder, and it does not sound fun. That's $20,000 well spent by Donald Trump.
The next morning everyone lines up to find out their destiny... except for Joan Rivers. Oh what could this mean? Has Joan really disappeared? Is she actually going to fall on her sword over Melissa's firing? Quite the hubbub! Someone who IS back, however, is little Donny Jr., nasty hair and all. Why thank you for gracing us with your presence, Prince Donny. Wherever you've been, I'm sure it was vitally important. And just as The Donald is about to get started, an elevator opens and out pops Joan Rivers. Well that was anticlimactic. It was so obvious that some production assistant held her back in the elevator for 30 seconds to create a terrible stir. Yawn. Joan plays along, saying, "My taxi was late." Nice cover Joan, but no. The Donald calls Joan a pro. Right, all those tantrums were proof of that. Moving right along, today the two suits bothering us are from Chicken of the Sea, the food that Jessica Simpson could not identify - even though it says "tunafish" right on the label. The suits tell us all about their famous jingle - "Ask any mermaid you happen to see. What's the best tuna? Chicken of the Sea." Well today the teams will be coming up with a new original jingle for the brand. A jingle? Well! Immediately Brande and Annie look at each other like they know they are effed because the Grammy Award Winning Clint Black is on the other team.
Brande: "Don't coerce against me, ok?"
Wouldn't that be a bigger problem if the challenge were to write a Grammy winning ballad? This is a jingle, people, not even a song. It just has to be short and catchy. Could I do it? No, of course not, but I'm not on Celebrity Apprentice, I'm just here to rip on the people who are.
Brande tells us that she and Annie are screwed. "How are we going to compete with that? Holy S-R-A-P!" Yes, she spells out "srap," which is apparently in the Brande dictionary a few pages down from "forgoo." This time she actually notices her mistake and says that she got confused between "shit" and "crap," so "srap," came out. Don't worry your pretty little head, Brande. Just keep giggling and The Donald will remain wrapped around your finger. Anyway, besides the jingle, the teams have to also write a 30 second radio commercial. Now choose Project Managers! Annie volunteers since Brande was "in charge" last week, and KOTU chooses Clint, EVEN THOUGH he was in charge last week. Bad idea, people. Whenever Clint is in charge all you do is complain that he won't listen. Why not have someone else in charge and just assign Clint to write the jingle? That way, he might actually be helpful without pissing everyone off. But Joan thinks that this way Clint will write the jingle and she can write a funny commercial. Dream on, Joan. Clint WILL filibuster.
So Annie and Brande resign themselves to the fact that their jingle will be inferior and buckle down to researching the brand and trying to write a good commercial. In meetings with both teams the suits emphasize the convenience and health of their tuna. Clint pretty much tells his team to take off because he is excited to get into the studio with some musicians. Already Joan knows she won't be allowed to make a funny commercial. You dug your own grave, brainiac.
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Comments (7)
I have to vote for Joan on this one. Annie is one of the most vile people that have ever graced my television screen... and that is saying something! She is really just crap. I would be appalled if she won. Then again, Piers won and he was a pretty nasty guy too.
1 of 7 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on May 9, 2009 3:44 PM
I have a perfect record this season - I didn't watch a single episode. (But I enjoyed your recaps!)
I'd have to pick Joan, oartly because she is funny and partly because her family died in the holocaust but mainly because I don't remember that other woman's name.
My second choice is Jesse, because he has true class and dignity and one of the coolest jobs in the world. I demand a recount!
2 of 7 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on May 9, 2009 5:01 PM
Annie may not be perfect but she's very creative. Joan on the other hand, is rude, obnoxious, and not creative in the way that would help her succeed on this show. The only reason she is still here is because Donald Trump is afraid to fire her. I was really hoping she wouldn't return after she stormed off after her spoiled brat of a daughter. Annie is the smarter of the two and I just can't imagine Joan doing better than her for the final win. My money has been on Annie from the start. By the way, Clint's jingle sucked big time. It was terrible, and I like country music. Joan and Jesse's radio ad was embarrassing.
3 of 7 | Posted by cate | Posted on May 9, 2009 5:07 PM
I think that Jesse showed a lot of class by not using his wife to get donations, but he also has many connections with businesses and celebs through his own business and television show, so why not use those?
Annie will win, and I give her a lot of credit since she didn't have any more celebrity status than Jesse. I haven't watched the show, so I don't know if I hate her or not. Joan is a cool lady and very smart but too emotional.
It's so obvious that Trump (or the producers) picked the two he thought would make for the best TV.
4 of 7 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on May 9, 2009 8:58 PM
I actually am watching the show- unlike a lot of the other posters- why? I have no idea but I am a bit hooked. Annie is the best reality show villain since Jerri Manthey of Survivor and Amarosa. She is disgusting, fake, a liar, a narcissist.... all of the things that make her a terrible human being but great t.v. Joan is great to watch and a disagree that she is a bitch. She's just old and her back hurts and she has so many bags to carry. Donald should give Joan and Annie's charity a bunch of money just for actually making this show fun to watch.
5 of 7 | Posted by bingo blog boy | Posted on May 10, 2009 7:13 AM
1) I like Piers. He has that latent homosexual thing going on. (Isn't that what Moronosa claimed?)
2)I'll be watching the Amazing Race for the 1st hour so if anything happens on Celebrtity Apprentice during the first hour...cover it. STAT!
3)I am so on Joan's side but I know how this is going to end. Like the Nazis marching into Poland, Annie is going to walk all over Joan and win. Oy.
6 of 7 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on May 10, 2009 1:05 PM
Clint Black definitely IS
a "stubborn narcissistic country star." If I never see or hear him again I will be extremely happy. I hope lots of his fans watched him on Apprentice and saw him for the wack job he really is.
I like Joan a lot, but she HAS acted way over the top with some of the things she's called Annie. Hitler? Not really.
On the other hand, Annie makes my head hurt the way she keeps talking about herself all the time. She is definitely a stubborn, narcissitic poker player.
Brande seems a little dumb but is basically benign. Don't hate her because she's beautiful!!
I liked Jesse at first - he's handsome, nice, got along great with (almost) everyone. His refusal to raise any money except for his own charity was a real turnoff though.
7 of 7 | Posted by cajev | Posted on May 11, 2009 1:33 PM