Last night I had a dream that two really fat fourteeen-year-old boys got into my car and drove me around against my will. Then, once I finally managed to push them out, they reappeared in the trunk. Eventually I got used to them and we became friends. I think that there was a spaceship at the end, too.
My point is, if you really think about it, this week's Celebrity Apprentice was kind of like that.
We begin with Jennie returning from the boardroom and pretending that Trump fired both Gene and Ahmarosa. But then Ahmarosa impishly jumps out from behind her. Man, these people are fun! I'll be laughing about that one all week!
"Ha Ha! Aren't we funny?"
After Nely blabbers on for about five minutes about how much Gene must have respected her in order to sacrifice himself, we then cut to something that deserves our immediate attention: Tito's workout schedule. We see clips of him talking about donating to his charity, St. Jude's Hospital, interspersed with shots of someone (I'm pretty sure it's not Tito) beating up a punching bag. So all of the editing really makes it seem like he's gearing up to kick St. Jude's ass.
A little girl with brittle bone disease arrives to pick up the check. She's obscenely adorable. Seriously. Give this kid her own show. Tito gives her the check, and she in turn gives him a drawing that she made. Then she cutely says thank you, and I begin to plot her kidnapping.
"What the hell is this supposed to be? A garden? YOU LACK VISION!"
Okay, time for this week's task. Our guest judge this time is Vince McMahon, king of the wrestling world and part-time cave troll. Trump reminds everyone of the bet that he had with Vince, wherein the loser, Vince, had to shave his head. Everyone laughs. Trump then points out that Vince is already looking at Tito and Lennox and wanting to set up something with them. What? The Donald is like one of those old men who just say things that don't make sense. Unfortunately, Milania is never around to pat him on the lap and say in hushed whispers, "Don't mind him, he's not well."
So this week's task is to sell tickets for Broadway shows for two hours, and whoever makes the most money wins. There are eight shows to choose from, and each team must send their project manager and someone else to a meeting to negotiate which team will get which four shows. The project managers are Vincent Pastore, who will soon be on Broadway in Chicago, and Marilu Henner, who has been on Broadway a whopping SIX times. I think that qualifies her for a free Les Misérables tote bag.
Marilu jumps right in and starts making calls. The woman is on fire. Meanwhile, at Hydra, Vincent wants to read the rules. This for some reason leads to a big fight between Stephen and Piers. Finally, the exciting Anglo-American relations that we've all been clamoring for! Thank you, Celebrity Apprentice!
Marilu chooses Ahmarosa to negotiate with her, and Vincent, for some reason, chooses Lennox, despite the fact that Stephen is proclaiming to be the king of Broadway. Piers insists that Stephen should be in the war room, making calls to all of his insanely famous friends. Yeah, get brother Danny on the horn. He out of prison yet? Is he itching to see Hairspray?
The negotiating session, if you can all it that, is over in about five minutes. Vincent tells the ladies to pick two shows, which they do, Spring Awakening and Hairspray. He says no way. Then he says fine. I'm not sure Vincent knows what negotiation means. He probably thinks it's some sort of expensive prosciutto. He and Lennox then pick two shows, then the ladies do, and the men are left with the rest. Fantastic. The ladies end up with Spring Awakening, Hairspray, Curtains, and Avenue Q, the guys get Spamalot, The Drowsy Chaperone, Rent, and Chicago. Then they have another good laugh about when Ahmarosa pretended to be fired. It never gets old!
Nely starts rambling on again about her fantastic contacts, then puts her big mouth to good use and actually starts calling those contacts. She gets a lot of money from a real estate company, then informs us, "I'M A STAR!" Meanwhile, Stephen is yammering on about something or other, and when Piers interrupts to tell him he's wrong, Stephen informs him that his new nickname is "Boomerang." It's getting pretty hard to tell the difference between these people and any given kindergarten class in America.
"Look, Piers. The fact of the matter is, you have cooties."
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Comments (6)
I loved the "I'm sorry, Ahmarosa, you are hardly in the position to label other people as clowns." comment...that made me laugh out loud!!!
1 of 6 | Posted by missmissy | Posted on January 28, 2008 12:29 PM
Great recap as always!
I prefer to think that Jennie has more important things to worry about than Celeb Apprentice, such as bringing home Olympic gold to the U! S! A!
2 of 6 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on January 29, 2008 1:54 AM
I'm surprised the guys only won by a few thousand dollars. Of the 8 shows, I had only heard of 4 and the guys had 3 of those.
3 of 6 | Posted by laska | Posted on January 29, 2008 5:47 AM
Who is Nely?
4 of 6 | Posted by 2funny2be4real | Posted on January 30, 2008 10:51 AM
laska, you are obviously not gay. Get some gay friends and then you'll know more about BROADWAY! and BROADWAY MUSICALS!
5 of 6 | Posted by weasel dearest | Posted on January 31, 2008 8:43 AM
Great recap! I was hoping for a Girl Team win, but whatcha gonna do??
I kind of hate the fact that the teams can call on outside help (re: money) to get their win. I think it'd be a lot more creative and fun if they had to count on creativity and planning alone. Anyone else agree?
6 of 6 | Posted by dani2526 | Posted on January 31, 2008 8:48 PM