After all of last week's Godfather IV ridiculousness, this week's Celebrity Apprentice couldn't really be anything but...well, let's face it, equally ridiculous. Who am I trying to kid? This show is so beyond a caricature of itself. At least we got George Ross back this week! Oh, the countless weeks and years I've spent lamenting the loss of his crotchety cantakerousness and ceaseless hunger for stale cookies. I've missed you so, George! Welcome home!
We begin this week with Ahmarosa and Piers battling it out in the suite. Not much comes of this, except for Ahmarosa dumping a glass of champagne over Piers head. Oh, and Piers claiming that she is known around America as a "disgusting little wastrel". Now, I am an American, and I have never heard her referred to as such, but that doesn't stop it from being Totally Awesome. Let's spread it around. Tell your friends!
Meanwhile, Stephen Baldwin is standing around outside the suite like he's part of some sort of Orphan Hobo Sidewalk Clearance.
Baldwin For Sale
He tells Piers that he can't work with him anymore, which as we all know is pretty ridiculous because Stephen was prancing around like his little imp during their Corporate Espionage Genius-a-Thon last week. But he decides to speak with Trump about it anyway, while Annette the secretary attempts to operate a phone.
"There's something wrong with this calculator."
Stephen bursts into the boardroom and tells Trump that he can't work with Piers and that he wants to resign. Trump tells him not to be a such a loser. Oh, The Donald. You may as well tell Doritos to stop being so delicious. It's just not going to happen. Trump, ever the wise Solomon, suggests that Stephen go and work for Empresario instead. Stephen accepts. Well. That should crank Empresario's Pussy Factor up to eleven, shan't it?
Stephen goes back to the suite all important-like, sighing with great melodrama that he just got out of a meeting with Mr. Trump. Oh, please. He called you a loser and then gave you to the women. It took no longer than two minutes. Get over yourself. The women are not pleased about this, so Stephen tells them that if all they want him to do is make coffee, he'd be happy to do so. This prompts Piers and Lennox to tell him that he is in fact from Jupiter, because he just got more stupider. And as it turns out, Stephen's not even going to be around for most of the task anyway, because he has a previous engagement, speaking at a church or chapel or Heaven or something.
The next day, Trump informs everyone of his decision. Ahmarosa tells him that the ladies respectfully decline the offer. The Donald blares "I'M THE BOSS" and says that his decision stands. The great and powerful Trump has spoken! Ahmarosa looks peeved, but maybe that's because her newest clown outfit hasn't gotten any compliments today.
ClownChic™
Trump introduces his sidekicks, DonJr and...George!!! The guy looks great. Must be all of those healthy cookies. He then introduces fashion designer Vera Wang, who even I recognize (thank you Project Runway). To her left, equally recognizable, is Bob Sherman, president of Serta (thank you, Project Bed). So the task this week is to create a living window to promote the new mattresses that Vera has designed for Serta. Okay, I call shenanigans. Mattresses are just giant squishy boxes. A two-year-old could be a mattress designer. You don't see Tim Gunn running around squealing "What sort of edgy, innovative designs might the 2008 mattress names come out with this year?? I bet they're ergonomically-correct and FABULOUS!!"
I'm a designer!
Ahmarosa declares herself the project manager and immediately makes the decision to go with a wedding theme, since that is what Vera is known for. Real out-of-the-box there, kiddo. What next? Are you going to also suggest that mattresses can be used for resting, or even, God help us, sleeping??
Meanwhile, the guys are lamenting the fact that none of them know anything about design or weddings or those rectangular things that we spend eight hours a night on. Oh, but I just can't stay mad at them. Look at this face!
Trace, you're adorable. I would like to award you a puppy.
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Comments (13)
Somebody tell me this show is as funny as Screampillr's recaps make it out to be. I'm actually thinking of returning to this horrible show.
Your best recap so far, BTW.
1 of 13 | Posted by Tigermilk | Posted on February 11, 2008 1:27 AM
I'm really too old to be laughing so hard at fart jokes, but there ya go. Nely needs to get a clue that Gene Simmons did NOT think she was awesome, he just wanted to get the hell out of there and so he picked 2 people who couldn't possibly be fired. And as far as Vera Wang's contribution to the mattress design world, all you have to do is put her name on anything and it doubles in price.
2 of 13 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on February 11, 2008 4:25 AM
Tigrmilk, the show is NOWHERE near as funny as Screampillr's recaps.
Screampillr, this whole thing was incredibly funny. :D YOur recaps are the only reason I still watch this ridiculous show.
3 of 13 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on February 11, 2008 7:05 AM
As God is my witness I will never watch this show. First because it will probably burn my retinas and secondly because it could not possibly match these brilliant recaps. If only there were a way to reinact the recap each week on television instead of actually airing the show...
These recaps and those of "Make Me A Supermodel" are the best way to start the day!
4 of 13 | Posted by bingo blog boy | Posted on February 11, 2008 7:14 AM
Designer mattress...window display.... yeesh.
It is really hard to pick a favorite/winner out of this bunch.
Maybe Trace?
That would be FUNny!
Great recap.
that was a very strange firing.. whatever Trump was holding against Nely, i didn't get it, but I don't care. I gave up on her at the Kodak meeting.
Yay for George coming back!
5 of 13 | Posted by Sweetleaf | Posted on February 11, 2008 7:34 AM
By the way... I would like to point out to the world that I have never seen one of these challenges include calculus. Thus reaffirming my position as a global business major who's graduation status is dependent upon passing calculus and that it is just plain wrong. We have excel. We have formulas. I passed Stat and Quant, with A’s! I’d bet Baldwin didn’t have to pass calculus!!!!! Ok bad example. Still.
6 of 13 | Posted by sweetleaf | Posted on February 11, 2008 7:44 AM
Muppet Character LOL! I knew Nely reminded me of someone!
7 of 13 | Posted by 2funny2be4real | Posted on February 11, 2008 12:17 PM
I'll take a Gladiator-Wang any day.
8 of 13 | Posted by ItsLikeKissingAPeanut | Posted on February 11, 2008 4:26 PM
Your recaps are much better than the show.
That Trace could easily hav a lucractive career on Madison Avenue. He is sharp (and probably not a little embarassed about being on this show).
I agree that the Clown Suit model is still there just for the "conflict" (and maybe because her contract said she had to make the finals).
9 of 13 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on February 11, 2008 5:43 PM
Scream, these recaps are soooooooooo much better than the show, but, this season is way better than, ummmmm, the last 5.
I dislike Ahhhmmmmm so much, but, since she won't get an actual job this time, I can wait for the Piers/Ahmmmmmarosssa death match. Maybe Tito can officiate?
As always, it was good to see George back, cookies and all, and your screen caps are worth the price of admission.
Can't wait for tonight's recap!
10 of 13 | Posted by scism | Posted on February 14, 2008 5:06 PM
Wow!! This recap is unbelievably funny. I swear, NBC owes you something...I'm now watching Celeb Aprrentice just so I can read your reviews. I do have to say good on Lennox for calling out Stevie B as the fruit that he is.....can't wait for your Piers/Ahhhmarosa dissection.....that last screen cap by the way...I think I peed myself.
11 of 13 | Posted by tarataratara | Posted on February 15, 2008 11:30 AM
Cryptkeeper Carol! LMAO!!! OMG, Screampillr, I always read your FNL recaps, but this is the 1st Celeb Apprentice recap I've read,and it WAS better than the show! Looking forward to this week's recap!
12 of 13 | Posted by jojobear | Posted on February 15, 2008 6:19 PM
The show is bogus, but the recaps are fantastic! I loved, loved, loved the screencaps - especially "Yep, that's one ugly broad"! I fell out of my chair! Too funny!
13 of 13 | Posted by kdfinjpn | Posted on February 17, 2008 6:13 AM