Happy Valentine's Day, kids. Sorry it's a little late, but I was out of town, fighting a fire monster. Over the Himalayas. In defense of love. Or something. Either way, there's a big basket of chocolates waiting for you when you get home this evening, darling, I swear!
Anyway, at the end of this week's Celebrity Apprentice I had two thoughts: 1) What the hell just happened and 2) This recap is going to be about two pages long. When you get an entire episode full of yelling the exact same insults over and over, there's not much to say except that Ahmarosa is crazier than a shithouse rat.
Up in the suite, Hydra is trashtalking Ahmarosa and gloating about their win. Lennox: "Guys, let's not gloat." Piers: "Let's gloat!"
Piers apparently thinks that "gloat" is American for "dance like an idiot".
Ahmarosa returns and starts talking in a strange old-timey villain voice. I'm really hoping she'll don a cape and a big mustache, but sadly all we're probably going to get is another broken hat. Piers talks at length about how he will never in a million years go over to the other team. Cue Annette the secretary to make the call that will do just that.
"How do I work this toaster?"
The teams shuffle back into the boardroom, where The Donald shuffles the teams. The new Empresario is Trace, Marilu, Stephen, and Tito, while the new Hydra is Carol, Lennox, and...dun dun DUN! Piers and Ahmarosa. Piers goes all white in the face and looks just about ready to have a prissy British faint, but Ahmarosa starts right in on the ribbing and Trump looks pleased with himself for causing such turmoil.
"I AM THE IMPISH OFFICER OF MISCHIEF."
Trump blares that their next challenge is to run horse-and-carriage businesses in Central Park, and whoever makes the most money wins. Trace heads up Empresario, because he's the only one who hasn't project managed yet, and it's a horse challenge! Horse + Cowboy = Fiscal Success! They all start in on what they do best, barking into phones at their rich friends.
Piers wants to be project manager because he hasn't raised any money for his charity yet. The team agrees, and in order to neutralize the hate-spewing dragon that is Ahmarosa, Piers calls a truce. He also tells the team that if they lose, he will base his decision of who to bring into the boardroom on whoever raised the least amount of money. Which, I have to hand it to the guy, is an ingenious little plan to get Ahmarosa fired, since she has just about as many famous contacts as I do (two = Brad Pitt and Gandhi). So they all get to work like busy little beavers, if beavers had cell phones and famous contacts.
In the car ride the next morning, Ahmarosa hands out some documents that she typed up (was there really a need to bring pen and paper into this task?) wherein she spelled Piers' name wrong. A tussle follows, and ends in Ahmarosa crumpling up the paper, throwing it in Piers' face, and swearing like a sailor. To be fair, she's quite possibly just upset because another one of her hats broke.
That's it, Ahmarosa. From now on it's nothing but coonskin caps and fireman helmets for you.
In an interview, Ahmarosa outlines her strategy: to go for all of Piers' weak spots, and exploit them. Back in the van, this roughly translates to the woman screaming and swearing for a solid half hour, with gems such as "The mother of your children hate you! And your children hate you!" (and your children's children!) plus the ever popular "I DO WHAT I WANT!" If you squint real hard, Jerry Springer can be seen in the background hanging onto the rear bumper of the van. They eventually arrive at Central Park, where Lennox Lewis amusingly gets out of the car and says that was the worst fight he'd ever seen.
Empresario, meanwhile, is working like clock...work. They're all smiles and flowers and champagne, and Trace notes that no one works the streets better than his team. Okay Trace, way to make them sound like prostitutes, but whatever.
Work that corner, Marilu! Show us your sales figures!
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Comments (11)
OK, I am so over that witch Ahmarosa!!! What a smug, stupid, shallow, immature bitch. Why is she still there??? She actually made me feel sorry for Piers...no easy feat!
OMG, could that Jenna Jamison be any dumber? "Which park are we in" she asks Tito...stereotypical dumbass...
John Rich DID come off like the biggest douche in history!!! Yes, we know you have money jerk.
I totally want Trace to win! What a classy guy! He totally deserves it.
Loved the screen cap of Piers doing the "Rodney Dangerfield" impression!! That was dead on! Hilarious!!
Well, hopefully Ahmarosa will get fired this week! Great reacap Scream!
1 of 11 | Posted by jojobear | Posted on February 20, 2008 11:47 AM
Urgh. AAAAHmarosa is such a hot ghetto mess; even her "business suits" are way too tight in the butt to be professional, and her body is way too gross for it to be sexy. Why Trump brought her back on is beyond me. How is she a celebrity?? Dear God, please let her develop a yen for heroin and OD already. She's so pedantic and lame.
Nice recap, for what you had to work with Screampillr. Let's hope Trump cans the Big A next week. She made me side with Piers, and that's just WRONG!
2 of 11 | Posted by TheGreatAndPowerfulShaz | Posted on February 20, 2008 11:49 AM
Screamy, i would pay $50.00 bucks but if you wait fr payday i can make it $150.00
I thnk if the challenge was to beatthe crap otta Amarosa you could call hundreds of people from Apprent. past and surreal life to kick her ass for money...... trump need to think this through.
either way next week amarosa or piers is gone.
3 of 11 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on February 20, 2008 3:01 PM
that, my dear, was hilarious. all of it, but i nearly peed my pants at the donald as the impish officer of mischief. also, serious props to the editors for the lobby door and esp the limo shot...classic
4 of 11 | Posted by it was sliding like WHOA | Posted on February 20, 2008 9:37 PM
What is with Ahhmarosa and all these hats? Just because you are an asshat, doesn't meant you need to keep wearing them.
5 of 11 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on February 21, 2008 6:45 AM
Very funny recap.......ai can't wait for Ahmarosa!!! to get the eff out of the show....
6 of 11 | Posted by missmissy | Posted on February 21, 2008 6:47 AM
Ahhhhhmorosa was unbelieveable. To bring up the children like that? Disgusting.
7 of 11 | Posted by mrsc | Posted on February 21, 2008 7:10 AM
I know the producers think keeping the "controversial" Ahmorosa is good for ratings...but I can't watch her any more. She completely repulses me. I'll tune back in once she's gone, and not a moment before.
And I also love Trace. Let's give him his own show.
8 of 11 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on February 21, 2008 10:13 AM
Another great recap Screampillr! How much would I pay to torture Ahhmorosa??? I would gladly hand over a months salary to get her smug self off the show! She really is useless and adds no value to the show.
9 of 11 | Posted by oliverandharry | Posted on February 22, 2008 3:55 AM
Hey, don't insult the Grinch by comparing him to Ahmarosa!
10 of 11 | Posted by 2funny2b4real | Posted on February 22, 2008 12:13 PM
I have some equity in the condo, and can get some 401(k) money out if need be. How many pillowcases will that buy me?!? I've been waiting for this since she screwed over Kwame.
11 of 11 | Posted by Snarky | Posted on February 26, 2008 10:25 PM