And as it turns out, Empresario decided not to go with the sexy shots of Trace the naked vampire. Stevey B explains to the execs that they wanted to go with wholesome, while Ahmarosa says in interview that she thinks it was a big mistake not to include the shots. Tito hobbles to the finish line, lamely ending with "The body wash that you're been dreaming of. Dial." Haha. Ahmarosa, attempting to save this sinking ship, adds, "It's the natural choice." Tito, now just setting said ship on fire, also adds, "It IS the natural choice." So awkward. I love it.
Trump talks it over with the execs. They loved Hydra's ad and thought that it hit all the right points, except for the last shot, which they all found a little too risqué and unnecessary. Empresario's ad, on the other hand, was beautifully shot but didn't have a common message and was a little too dry. Literally. Trump asks them to make a decision, and they all look as if they'd rather jump right out the window than actually put their products' names on either of these things.
"I'm tendering my resignation."
Into the boardroom, you crazy kids! Trump points out to Tito that he's more confident ripping some poor schmuck's head off in the ring than he is talking to a bunch of sparkling clean executives about body wash. And then he scolds Carol for being the PM and the model, which she counters with "I'd rather be fired by standing up to a challenge instead of running away from one." To which The Donald responds, "THAT'S A GOOD LINE OF CRAP." HaHA! Now that's the painfully blunt Donald we know and love! Where the hell have you been, dog?
"I'M JUST KEEPING IT REAL."
He then goes on to ask about the biting picture and whether or not the team felt it was really appropriate. Carol, who I must say has been holding her own quite well these past few weeks, confidently says that it pushed the envelope a little but they liked the way it came out. Trump then demands that each team see the other team's campaign, which signals the beginning of some awesome boardroom cross-table paper-sliding action. In fact, let's go to the aerial cam for this one.
Ivanka fakes left, then shoots right before George has a chance to recover! En fuego!
Trump asks Piers if he thought it was a good idea for Empresario to use Trace, then asks if it might have been better to use Ahmarosa. Oh, The Donald. You are SO baiting these two. But Piers has a great zinger all cued up. Ready? Are you ready for it? "Only in a graveyard scene," he simpers. Hey-o! I'm reminded of good ole George Costanza and his classic "Well, the jerk store called and they're running out of you!"
Oh, but the circus isn't over yet. Piers says that Empresario's ad really has no story, as opposed to the masterful opus that his own team composed. Expect a win for Best Achievement in Advertorial Writing at next year's Oscars, folks. Stevey B tells him to read the ad, but Piers says it's too small to read. Stevey B then says, in the worst British accent I've ever heard, "Where's your specs?" And then he repeats it SIX MORE TIMES. I COUNTED. See, Stevey B, this is why NO ONE LIKES YOU.
And why did you steal your wardrobe from a passing vagrant?
Enough of this foolishness. On to another kind of foolishness. The winner is Hydra, as both Redbook and Dial Soap believes that playful biting = healthy skin. After they leave, Trump brings up the fact that maybe Ahmarosa should have PM'd this one, due to the fact that she possesses both marketing experience and a vagina (in theory). To which Tito explains that she did volunteer and then backed down immediately. He and Ahmarosa then squabble over this for a bit and it all gets quite boring. Come on, Trump. Just send her back down the hole she crawled up out of and we'll all be a lot happier.
But it pretty much comes down to Tito or Stevey B, because Trace was awesome as always and Ahmarosa, as infuriatingly douchey as she is, was actually on the more correct end of things this week. They keep fighting about the exclusion of the vampire photo, but you can tell that this is a pretty boring boardroom week and most of it is filler. In the end, Tito gets the big finger gun and is sent back, tragically, to his multi-million dollar mansion and lucrative career of fiercely hugging other naked men.
Farewell, sweet Tito. We'll miss your massive shoulders and incomplete high fives.
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Comments (11)
There's no advertorial in the world going to make me buy body wash made out of yogurt because all I can picture is squirting out mold onto my bath pouf. Seriously, how does this work - do you have to refrigerate this body wash or what? Do you smell like rotten milk after using it? Ugh. Stevey B wins the douchebag award for this episode, first for calling his mother Honey, and second for repeating his stupid "specs" line way too many times. Trying too hard, eh, guvna???
1 of 11 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on March 3, 2008 3:31 AM
Also, what was up with Lennox telling the other male model to "get up in there like you're gonna get some too"?? Hoping that was his idea of a joke, because "the middle of the country" is not quite that liberal.
2 of 11 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on March 3, 2008 5:40 AM
That was one of the funniest recaps I have ever read- seriously. I can't bring myself to watch the show (I value my eternal soul too much) but I don't have to! And it could not possibly be as entertaining as this recap. I do have to say about the show- who cares Donald? Really! Who cares about whether these people win or not? I can only assume that this edition of The Apprentice will be the stake in the heart it deserves. Real people competing for jobs are sort of interesting. Celebrities competing for....what is it? That's right...who cares! is just really, really pathetic. Wow, an early morning rant- I'm spent!
3 of 11 | Posted by bing blog boy | Posted on March 3, 2008 7:28 AM
Too true, absolutely hilarious recap. I was terrified someone was going to pass my office and see me doing the silent guffaw.
Steve was insultingly creepy with his mother. I got no impaired vibe when she was on the show before yet he spoke to her like she was an imbecile. My Mom yelled at me that I better never talk to her like that no matter how old and feeble she becomes because she would still whip my ass [and probably make me cut my own dang switch too] :)
Omarosa is so transparent. She jumped all over the PM position then dropped it like a hot potato when the Donald says PM will be on the chopping block. Oh and Trace looked very nice for a man his age, but no way should they have used that shirtless shot. It was completely tasteless. Omarosa's reactions were disgustingly lecherous. She acted like she was at a strip club.
OK, did no one get the really tasteless part of the Hydra campaign? Here is Carol putting on the wife and mother routine. the two page spread has her with baby and presumably hubby in a couple of pictures, but then in the last photo she is with another man. So are we to presume that for a woman to have a full life she must marry and produce a child with one man but get her shoulder biting from an illicit affair? Maybe we were supposed to infer that after the down and dirty sex with baldy she washes up with the Yogurt wash before going home to hubby and little baby bunting.
Tito was so embarrassingly bad during his presentation and I loved your take on it, particularly the photo with the Miss Whoever type caption.
WTF was up with Tito saying Omarosa was the most useful team member??? Is the man insane? I don't care if she was a good worker, you never give that woman an ounce of credit for anything.
Oh and no I'm not buying any soap product with yogurt. Both of them had women soaking in the tub and I just kept thinking how the poor girl's kitty was percolating a yeast infection from bathing in the yogurt. I don't care if a YI is an unrealistic expectation of bathing in a Yogurt based product, its the connotaion that comes to my mind and it turns me off. Nope, not buying.
4 of 11 | Posted by Splotchie | Posted on March 3, 2008 8:43 AM
"It's called grooming, Carol. Try it sometime."
LOL
5 of 11 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on March 3, 2008 12:30 PM
This recap was hilarious, even more so than the show itself! I missed Stevie B calling his mother "honey." What a weirdo douche.
6 of 11 | Posted by greeneyes | Posted on March 3, 2008 1:16 PM
what bothered me about omarosa this ep. was that she LIED to trump's face and said she didn't push PM on tito. has she even been PM once this season?
and i agree, SPLOTCHIE. if any one had acted the way omarosa did in a professional setting, he would have gotten fired. and i hate to say this, but if a man had reacted upon seeing shirtless female models the way omarosa did, he would have gotten called out.
7 of 11 | Posted by bonita | Posted on March 3, 2008 6:40 PM
Splotchie, you are very observant. I didn't even notice it was a different guy between the "family photo" and the biting photo. I am looking forward to seeing if this actual same photo spread shows up in Redbook, or did I miss it already?
8 of 11 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on March 4, 2008 4:03 AM
I started to laugh out loud when I got to the description of Carol's flora, and completely lost it at Tito's presentation. It was my misfortune to read this recap just as a Wilford Brimley commercial was playing on my T.V., thereby reinforcing your vision of what could have been and causing me to snort my coffee out my nose.
Nice touch having the captions under The Donald all in caps so I read 'em shouting just like he says things.
You make this show a lot more fun than it actually is.
9 of 11 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on March 5, 2008 9:14 AM
Fear not, Splotchie! Yogurt is actually a cure for urinary tract infections, so although marinating in a tub of it may be unappealing, at least it won't leave your britney injured or itchy...
10 of 11 | Posted by Nemesiis | Posted on March 5, 2008 4:05 PM
I LOLd all the way through this one, once again. Screampillr will you pretty please recap Girlicious? It is absolutely begging for your touch!!
11 of 11 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on March 5, 2008 8:39 PM