Team KOTU also tries to pick something to make. Joan immediately bows out of cooking, saying Melissa's first words were "room service." Hershel discovers that a very popular Schwann's item is a skinless chicken breast so he decides they need to take that and run with it. Clint dissents because he is physically unable to stay quiet, and he says that it won't be original enough. Hershel holds his ground, so Clint suggests a soy ginger sauce that his wife makes to cook the chicken in. Ivanka drops by to survey the scene and she reports to us that her father would never eat soy ginger chicken, but she would. That's fascinating Ivanka. Can we hear it again? Hershel decides he also wants to do a frozen yogurt berry parfait. Hmm, how do you put that in the microwave?
So Annie and Brande head down to the kitchen where some Schwann's chefs are waiting to make sure they stay within the company guidelines of preparing frozen food. Annie narrates while she cooks, pointing out how knowledgeable she is about this and what an expert she is on that. Is she for real? You're boiling pasta, Annie. My dog could do that. Okay fine, she's also doing meatballs, chili and meatloaf. So what? I've made all of those and I haven't received an honorary medal. She's like, "Brande come watch me chop!" then she leans over to "quietly" say, "The chefs are really impressed with my knife work." Oh. My. Gosh. Can we all come watch? Does anyone have a pair of binoculars? Quick, send out a press release - Annie's about to slice a mushroom!! Even Brande is ready to abandon the Annie ship. No sour grapes, Brande. We all watched you shop last week.
Annie puts the cherry on this sundae with the following announcement, "I'm like the total woman. I can cook, I raise my children, I work hard [at playing cards, mind you]. I give a good blow job." Wow. Wowie wow. Annie Duke, everyone. Who's jealous?
Clint and Hershel are busy arguing about yogurt. And that's the end of that scene.
Later Clint whips up his wife's soy ginger sauce, which turns out to be extremely salty. Personally I don't understand what the problem is, but what do I know? My friend once brought me a bracelet made of salt mined in Poland and I ate it. True story. Anyway, Joan suggests mellowing things out by adding some juice from an orange. Clint's head is ready to blow off because THAT IS NOT HIS WIFE'S RECIPE!!! Since when was this challenge "Schwann's by Mrs. Black?" Who cares what your wife's recipe is if it's not working? Clint paces frantically around the kitchen while Hershel squeezes some juice into the sauce and what do you know? It's much better. Glad we solved that crisis. The Grand Salt Crisis of 2009.
Athena is doing a taste test of the three dishes by "head" chef Annie. She's made a sublime meatloaf, glorious turkey meatballs and transcendental chili. Now who wants a blow job? Jesse's favorite dish is the chili and he loves it so much that he farts for the camera. Okay, this is a sure sign that this stupid show has received way too much air time. Can we get on with it please? Gas notwithstanding, they choose the meatballs.
I'm skipping to the presentations because all the teams do in the meantime is vacillate over marketing strategies. Let's get to the end result.
So KOTU presents first and Hershel comes out dressed as a chef to serve the Schwann's guys their Orange Asian Soy Chicken. Joan talks about east meets west, globalization, global warming, Armageddon, and the end of the world. Just kidding, just the east meets west part. You know, the orange juice from the west and the soy sauce from the east. East meets west is really hot right now, you know. There are green beans, too and it's all only 480 calories. Now Clint presents the marketing strategy, which is a commercial of a Schwann's man knocking on the door of the Clint Black tour bus with a tasty meal all ready to defrost. Clint says to the camera, "Home cooked meals won't follow me around on a concert tour, but Live Smart will." That's cute except that if it weren't for this show I'd have no idea who Clint Black is. Yep, I went there.
« American Idol Results: Moon Over Miami | Main | The Unusuals: Crime Slut »
Comments (10)
I think Annie is giving Coach from Survivor a run for his money in the massive ego department. I wonder if Coach gives as good a blowjob as Annie?
Anyone notice Clint's classless exit after the boardroom, not saying anything to Hershel? What a jerk.
One thing this show proves, even if you are a douchebag you can still be a celebrity!
1 of 10 | Posted by briar | Posted on April 25, 2009 1:58 AM
My friend once brought me a bracelet made of salt mined in Poland and I ate it. True story. **F'n HILARIOUS**
2 of 10 | Posted by oldmomoftoddlerboys | Posted on April 25, 2009 2:58 AM
briar--I think that maybe Clint said goodbye to Hershel before he got on the elevator and he was just giving Joan a chance to have private time with Hershel.
3 of 10 | Posted by nyc cookie | Posted on April 25, 2009 7:59 AM
Yeah, Celebrity Apprentice is the only reason I know who Clint Black is as well. He definitely should have been fired, so sick of looking at his smirky face.
4 of 10 | Posted by alex_w | Posted on April 25, 2009 8:06 AM
I agree with you regarding Jesse. Bothering your wife’s friends for money is NEVER a good idea. So, this means Jesse is right AGAIN.
I personally enjoy the Annie/Joan drama and think Annie is handling it the best way she can which is “not to fight with Joan.” Even if Annie were to take Joan on and win some bitch fight (argument) she wouldn’t win in the end. There’s no way Annie would look good after arguing with a 76 year OLD woman. Annie’s best option is simply to describe how she feels in an interview and leave it at that.
I like the last line of this. It was very funny.
“On the way back to the VIP lounge Joan suddenly decides that Annie is not worth all this excitement and she's not going to lower herself anymore. Why now, Joan? Suddenly you're Mrs. Calm? I want another shattered champagne glass! Annie is fuming all over the place, Hitler this, Hitler that, Joan is dead to her, etc. Can these two just go on unpaid suspension?”
You know, you’re really at your funniest when you’re writing about Annie. I hope Annie stays till the end of the show.
5 of 10 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on April 25, 2009 11:32 AM
"head" chef Annie
LOL
Aren't Annie and Phil Hellmuth brother and sister? Maybe I'm thinking of somebody else, but I know Annie is some other poker player's sister.
I still think that not having a marketing campaign AT ALL is a major mistake, and that would have come down to Jesse as Project Manager. But I'm glad it didn't because I like him. I also like Hershel, though.
6 of 10 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on April 25, 2009 11:59 AM
nyc cookie-thanks for your take, I hope that was the case. I was a little surprised to see that because Clint seemed like a polite guy.
7 of 10 | Posted by briar | Posted on April 25, 2009 11:59 AM
Just took a look at my newest Schwan's catalog last night and both the chicken breast and meatball meals are in the catalog, along with an apple-blueberry crumble which you can order separately. I am not sure if the noodles with the meatballs are gluten-free...they are not marketed as such. Then again, neither were they marketed as Celebrity Apprentice meals!!
8 of 10 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on April 27, 2009 4:44 AM
Also, maybe I'm wrong about this because I'm not a man, but it seems like it would be harder to give a "bad" BJ than a good BJ...if you have the happy ending and no injuries, isn't that a good one?
9 of 10 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on April 27, 2009 4:47 AM
Annie is the sister of Howard Lederer, not Helmuth. Howard is much less of a dick than Phil, but Phil came off well in this, I like how he called Annie to see what was up.
That said, Annie's reaction was frightening! If she had thought to call some famous LPGA rival like Annika Sorenstam, or, or, well, Annika, it would have been brilliant.
I don't think this recap did justice to how poorly Clint did as auctioneer, he was terrible!
And as much as Annie needs to brag, how much lower can Melissa's self estemm possibly go? She needs validation on every freaking thing she does! If her mommy weren't there every week to validate her, she would have gone home crying long ago. She is pathetic and I think I may disloke her more than her phony plastic mommy, which is saying something.
Thanks for the recaps, they give me a reason to watch this ego-fest each week!
10 of 10 | Posted by swimbikerun | Posted on April 27, 2009 10:20 AM