Testimonials

The spinning is slow, as Dionne fumbles for the ring at times. She just looks overly cautious, which doesn't make for fast rotations or death-defying stunts. However, her split is lovely and she's really trying. What happened to sassy, bold Dionne? The one who said that the PC phrase for Cher's virginity was "hymenally challenged"? You know what they say about horse-riding and accidentally losing your virginity? Pretty sure it could happen on a cerceau.

"I think I'll tryyyyy....defying gravityyyyyy."

Pudgy tries to reassure her with a slightly condescending "Aww, you had a really tough week but you pulled it together." Ugh. That's like getting a pat on the back from the world's biggest cheeseball. Fail. Dionne looks miserable, but that might be from the insane chafing the imitation Swarovski crystal tummy straps gave her.

NBC cross-promotion genius: MARKING DIONNE WITH THE SYMBOL FROM HEROES.

Aurelia, dressed in a purple-y top that evokes Esther Williams' last bathing suit, weighs in. Wait, no she doesn't. Louie word vomits a bit about how if America don't love Dionne, he will, and is like the conjunction junction train on a runaway track as he stumbles over his words excitedly while Pudgy realizes Louie might've had a little speed in his coffee.

Mitch subtly sedates Louie with the world's smallest elephant dart.

Dionne's scores:

WTF is right, double over with the shock, Dionne!

Dionne is just as shocked as I am. I didn't think she was that great this week. But on the scale of score-adjusting injuries, a broken rib is only twenty points away from cancer.

ASJ feels like he's training for the Olympics, since he's taking on a hand-balancing act this week with Christine, his lovely partner. Hrm. This sounds like rhythmic gymnastics to me minus the fun ribbon dancing. After week one, he's in second place. In hazy lighting, he looks like the poor man's John Mayer. It frightens me. This week's routine involves lots of groping and crotch-sniffing.

And a love story, of course.

The editors had a field day with this montage of ASJ and Christine touching each other in PG-13 rated ways. Blu bitches, "This is family television. Get a room." Hee.

Crazy lights and special effects are unfolding on the TV, but the tune is Alicia Keyes' "No One." Great. I'm trapped in 102.7 KISS FM's repetitive playlist.

I'd rather have Daft Punk playing at my house.

There is nuzzling, and convincing displays of affection. I hope ASJ's long-time girlfriend isn't the jealous type. The poses are erotic and many involve lifts. Until ASJ drops Christine in the worst freak hand-balancing act accident ever. Remember, there's NO NET! OH GOD. And NBC is forced to cancel the series.

Oh, I wish.

Even though the pace of the poses is slower than actual acrobats/hand-balancers, it's still impressive how much he accomplished. Too bad he doesn't stay in character at the end.

Aurelia's all, "You deed zee good job, eh? You look like zee star in zhose skintight leggings!" Mitch is pretty demure, admitting that ASJ almost looks like a gymnast and how hard it is to be on the bottom. Almost. Thumbs up! Louie's too busy fanning himself and says he's never seen this kind of standard in his two years of the UK version of Celeb Circus, and that the US really does it bigger and better. America, fuck yeah! He points out what I noticed, the losing of focus after ASJ finished his last pose. But hell, I'd be excited if I had made it through the whole act without killing my partner.

ASJ is also slowly morphing into Lizard Man. Is that a homage to Mondrian on his wrist? Or a tribute to Ska? As for Pudgy, you be the judge.

Antonio's scores:

Math is really easy on this show.

Janet Evans is currently third in the standings. Her Achilles' Heel may be grace and fluidity, but she's got an arsenal of hilarious/awkward facial expressions and I love it. Janet's routine this week will also involve a love story. Yawn. She admits not-so-subtly that she can't fake attraction to her (possibly gay) partner Sebastian because she loves her husband. Remember, Sebastian was lusting after ASJ last week. Janet awesomely practices being sexy by walking around in high heels like a girl practicing for prom.

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Posted in Celebrity Circus by T.Vo at 4:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: juddfan on Jun 25, 2008 03:52 PM.