Testimonials

Oh, and if you forgot the eight other million times Pudgy told you, THERE IS NO SAFETY NET. To the bowel-moving twang of Daughtry's "Home" (sorry, I've heard this on loop for the last six months), Janet pulls off the athleticism required for the flying silks, but she needs toe-pointing tips from Rachel. She slides down the length of the flying silks, and awkwardly removes her silver top like a Pi Phi after downing a few cups of Pink Pantydropper -- oh come on, you've had that drink, right?

Keg stands lead to flying silks, duh.

Like ASJ, Janet appears to lose focus and connection with her partner at the end of the routine. She just needs to watch some more reality tv to get hints on how to act more dramatic and refined, less like a sack of flour. I still love her grit.

Louie exclaims, "DAMMIT, JANET!" and it becomes super-clear what the inspiration for the choreography is. *slaps forehead*

Life imitates art.

"I once had to point zee toes and fingers and zee eyebrows and seduce zee man with by wiggling mah ears, mon petit chou, but I deed not forget that I was there to strangle him with zee athleticism of my thighs! Never forget, mon dieu!"

Fortunately, Mitch and Louie adamantly disagree. Mitch thinks Janet had it all, the whole sexy athletic package. Seriously, Janet Evans would out-athleticize everyone else even while pregnant. Louie admits that she still needs elegance but she's working on it and getting there and calls her his dark horse. Aw. "Dark horse" sounds racist in this day and age, doesn't it? We can't all be albino unicorns.

Janet's scores:

It's stunning - the scores are keeping the top three on the leaderboard in the exact same positions. Suspense isn't this show's strength.

Next, bums practice the sacred art of self-immolation. This is going to be good. But first, Pudgy announces that Peter Brady and Wee Man are safe. Rachel looks on nervously as she fidgets next to Blu (who's gotta be going home if there is a God). Peter tells us the highlights of his training so far include breaking his arm on the German Wheel, and smashing his crotch into the platform on the trapeze. Poor guy. His act this week is simply titled, "Fire Clown."

Peter Brady is dressed as the stranger that tries to lure you into his van with the promise of lollipops and puppies. His fellow clown bum are sitting on a bench, reading the paper, and watching a lady sun herself to the tunes of The Beach Boys' "Good Vibrations." The bums get hot under the collar. And under their hats, and the bench, and Peter puts out a flame stick with his mouth. That's impressive, but not as noble as those self-immolating monks. Fire juggling ensues.

It tastes like burning!

Peter pays homage to Rihanna's umbrella and sets the frame on fire. OW. Probability that he will singe his eyebrows like that retard in your high school chemistry class? Incredibly high. His acting chops come in handy because he's got great timing and is generally funny, but perhaps fire clowning is most amusing when someone gets hurt? Is that awful of me to say? It just feels like tricks strung together in the end, but they do only have a minute and a half. He even gets on a balance board and lights the ends. Sense a recurring motif? The finale involves Peter's clown partner handing him a lit stick of dynamite, which Peter promptly jams down his pants. Everyone flees while Peter Brady's crotch blows up.

The recessionist vasectomy.

Aurelia is impressed with zee acting, but wanted something more, GIMME MORE, eh? Mitch is pleasantly surprised, but again says he thought there'd be more acrobatics - but that he saw the old (err, young) Peter Brady. Peter guffaws that he just wanted Aurelia to smile. Louie on the crotch explosion: QUITE IMPRESSIVE. He lauds Peter for concealing the danger factor with comic timing so well. "You looked so...enjoyable."

Peter's scores:

The tears of a mediocre clown.

Wee Man seems to be relegated to acts that involve wheels and spinning. Wheels that make him look like a hamster. Again, is this intentional? Frenchie persists in calling Wee Man by his Christian name, Jason. They custom-fit a German Wheel for Wee Man, which is pretty rad.

What happens when the Big Brother program doubles its budget.

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Posted in Celebrity Circus by T.Vo at 4:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: juddfan on Jun 25, 2008 03:52 PM.