Testimonials

Well, he's performing to a song I had to play on the drums for four years in college, a great one by Free (it was our fight song). I'm already predisposed to like this performance. And the Daft Punk green strobe lights are back! And his trainer is behind him in a larger wheel! And another guy in a German Wheel that's swinging from the rafters! And more scantily-clad dancers to distract us! All Right! Now!

Wee Man does the requisite rotations and balancing of it, back and forth. Then with one hand, which is impressive. Then he climbs on top and balances on it like it's a unicycle, sans pedals. He's athletic and balanced, being the pro skater and Jackass, but again, he'll get killed for not "emoting" and "connecting artistically." Whoops. He falls off a bit and rolls away when he attempts the cartwheel/rotations and he has to yank the wheel back onto the stage, but I think his showmanship is decent and the crowd is really pulling for him. And I admire people when they fess up to fuckups and keep going.

The finale is him allowing the wheel to coin spin on its side, like a quarter that's tipped over - you know, the move that broke Peter Brady's arm. On his second attempt, he does it successfully. It's just after the music has ended, but no one really cares (except for Aurelia). Go Wee Man!

It was this or becoming the Human Air Hockey Puck.

Looks like some Gladiators stumbled in from the set next door. I wonder if they take turns freaking out the kid sitting next to them.

Wee Man is bracing himself for Aurelia's bite.

"Zere is so much to zee German wheel, you stunted, clumsy baguette, don't get lazeee on moi, eh?"

Mitch cautions that even though Wee Man is incredibly likeable and fun, no amount of attitude alone can win this thing. Louie, Louie, exclaims that he loves when Wee Man is a Jackass on tv (flying out of cannons, kicking himself in the head), but not so much on this show. And that he appears to not be putting in effort. Ouch.

Wee Man defends himself and says that he can ditch the choreography and do the maneuvers on the German Wheel. Of course, the judges are all for this and Aurelia condescendingly points her arm towards the wheel. Thanks, Captain Obvious. What ensues is awesome and crowd-pleasing as Wee Man furiously coin spins faster than he did in his performance. Strangely enough, he doesn't come off as cocky but endearing. I've obviously succumbed to Stockholm Syndrome when it comes to this show - I've already passed through the stages of anger, bitterness, depression, denial, and acceptance. All in two episodes!

Mini Kerri Strug, bitches.

May your face freeze that way.

The fours from Aurelia and Louie get HUGE boos, while Mitch, playing Paula, gives him a 6 for great attitude, making it a 4.7 average. Dude, don't say you're doing it just to reinforce the self-esteem, because apparently my parent's generation was taught to praise my peers and me the wrong way. Being told "you're smart" all the time equals quitters who can't cope with challenge.

After the commercial break, we get some filler involving our contestants and the talented professionals training them. Filler that reveals itself to be edited by misogynists who do nothing to advance the women's movement. Seriously. The segment just shows Dionne crying and talking about crying and Rachel blubbering and saying defensively, "FYI, I never cry." Right. But what about the men? Kick a guy in the nads and watch what happens.

See what I mean about the rampant sexism?

MUST BE THAT TIME OF THE MONTH AGAIN. (Don't trust anything that bleeds for seven days and doesn't die.)

Well, they stamp the word "Mental" on top of Peter Brady's face. Hee. Cue montage of extremely flexible and nubile women. I don't think the 7-time Cirque du Soleil national champ realizes that by basically tucking her leg behind her head, she's not exactly earning the respect of males. Sad, but true.

I want to be respected as an intellectual.

Rachel and Blu are the remaining contestants to perform. One of them is going home. Here, let me spare you the 10 minutes of stalling that Pudgy does and tell you the person that America found un-American is...Blu. Oh happy day! Democracy works, bitches. My faith in humanity is temporarily restored [don't you dare let me down in November, people].

Frida Kahlo and David Bowie's leftover makeup put to good use.

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Posted in Celebrity Circus by T.Vo at 4:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: juddfan on Jun 25, 2008 03:52 PM.